why would a mother do this?

Question

My mother & I are very close, or so I thought. We also both struggle with depression & always knew if we ever were having problems to just call the other day or night & talk it through. I tell my mother everything b/c she's my best friend. Well lately she's been "hinting" about thinking of suicide & I got worried & although I know its wrong I went into her email knowing her journal is there & read it to see if she was planning it. Instead I found out that everything I told her in private she was telling her friends online & even making up things about me that weren't true! Saying I was a bad mother to my kids & then in her journal wrote that I'm the reason for her depression in the first place & that me calling her to talk to her about my problems triggers her depression & makes her "not look forward to life". She's never said anything like this to my face & I feel so betrayed. I never had a father & felt my mother was all I had & now this. Why would a mother do and say those things?

Answer 1

She's using you dear. I would keep my distance from her and I would act as everything is fine. If she asks why your not talking to her anymore, tell her you heard from one of her chat friends that she was talking about you on chat and some of the stuff wasn't very accurate and that you wont be bothering her with your problems anymore. If she asks who told you, tell her that you can't remember, because it upset you, that she was betraying your trust. Stick to your guns and don't tell her any information that she can twist for her own chat purpose. She will hopefully come around and apolygise and you can lay it out to her that you are an adult and what you tell her is always to be kept between the two of you. Then I would still only tell her small amounts until you can trust her. Even adults can act selfish and insensative at times.

Answer 2

This is why I don't read my mother's stuff because I'll end up facing the consequences. Sounds like your mother doesn't have much of a life that she ends up living you life. I take it that your mother is an older lady who probably lives on her own. There's not much going on in her life and just to start a conversation with her friends, she uses you life and possibly exaggerates to make it a bit more interesting. (GOSSIPING)Now that you've come to realize you can't trust your mother...what now? You cannot stop being her daughter but you can watch what you tell her. Do not bring up the fact that you read her journal because 1. it wasn't you business in the first place no matter how well your intentions were 2. depression might get worse which leads to a higher contemplation of suicide. The next thing I advice would be very hard for you....continue to talk to her like nothing happened...easy said than done....get her to tell you why she's having those kind of thoughts. I still can't figure out why she would think you're a bad mother...so ask her that if she was to change something about how you raise your kids...what would her advice be?.. You need to get her to talk and talk and talk..that way she doesn't bottle up too much emotion and possibly stop gossiping a little. And last...talk to her doctor.

Answer 3

My Mother has not been a stable mother either, I wont go into it all it would take too long. Having this kind of Mom makes me understand why your mom may have done this. She may have some kind of personality disorder or mental illness that causes her to do this. I would seek a counselor to talk to and help you to cope with this problem soon. I don't think confronting her would help, she would most likely try to turn it around. If you have other people in your life who can offer you support I would try to find a replacement for her as your best friend, there are so many nice people out there . I understand how you feel, to me parents like this are like an empty well that you keep trying to get water out of, even though you know the well is empty you just keep trying. You just cant understand why the bucket is always dry. Eventually you may learn to understand why your mom is the way she is and forgive her. But you also have to protect yourself and your children from her, she sounds very manipulative. Try distancing yourself from her until you find a way to deal with her.

Answer 4

Drama queen looking for attention and validation. I would also say that she has much more deep-seated hangups than you could deal with. You are a handy whipping boy. She is transfering her hangups to you.

I would suggest that you quit feeding her anything but sunshine and flowers! No matter what, you tell her that everything is hunky-dory in your little world. If you don't feed her any drama, she won't have anything to do. Try to keep her at arm's length... in other words, limit your exposure to her.

When you cool down, maybe a few months from now (you need some space from this vampire)... you can choose whether to "call her out" on this pack-of-lies journal of hers.

In the meantime... I can also suggest a product or two from the health food store. One preparation is called "Happy Camper", and the other is called "Holy Basil" by New Chapter. Both are great for lifting that cloud off your head, and you can actually take both with meals.
Good luck.

Answer 5

The problem with your mother is she cannot emotionally handle the negative things you tell her, like any problems you have. She sees it as doom and gloom and it gets to her.
You need to talk to friends about the bad stuff instead of her. She cant deal with it. She tells others cuz its the only way she knows how to deal with it.
Dont be too mad at her or hurt. She is human and has her weaknesses but loves you too much to tell you that you cant tell her these things. And whatever she made up could be a bid for sympathy from others.
You could both benefit from counseling. Dont despair yet, this problem can be handled.

Answer 6

i think that you should confront your mother with the information you just got.

let her acuse you of reading her private things but she is not acting like a mother.

on the other hand she could be having a reason talking to others about you. for example sometimes when i tell my mother stuff she tells my aunt but i think that maybe what i asked her she couldnt give me a good advise and had to seek advise from someone else.

all she wanted was to give me the best advise.

as for the lies your mum is saying i dont know what would make her do that and i cant justify it for her..

talk to her about it maybe there is something realy disturbing her and she just cant say it, instead she makes up stuff.

maybe the lies she talked about you was reflecting herself, she couldnt ask 4 advise from her friends so she made it look like it was you with all the problems.

the surest way to find out is by talking to her. im sure she is a good person and loves you very much..

tc cheers

Answer 7

In my opinion I think journals should be regarded as waste. Compare it (if you can) to the jiffy pop popcorn bags, the sharp lids from the mushroom cans, and the old newspapers to be thrown out. They cannot be regarded seriously. It was a common problem in my family. As I was working out issues I would jot them down in a book... people read them and got all ticked off. It was immature. In my opinion... let this go. No one should be digging in a diary and there is a reason that rule exists. For the writer and the reader - let this go. If she discovers something I'm guessing she will discuss it with you. She is sorting her issues and give her that freedom...

My guess? She is doing in her writing what you do in your mind. Life is complex. Let this go.

Answer 8

Well, it isn't appropriate for anyone to be upset with someone and not tell them - doing nothing about everything = nothing. Your mother was probably told not to be honest with you by someone who placed a guilt trip on her or you've had a tendency to throw fits when she expresses herself as a mother. I know you live in the same world that preaches to do nothing about everything...you are exposed to it also. I do not know for sure what transpires within your mother/daughter relationship but I do know this...honesty and truth is healthy for relationships. You two should discuss this as family should be preserved.

Answer 9

suicide, well if you have her doctors number maybe you should call them and explain how she hints to you about it.. maybe she needs help fast.

About what you read,, depression can be in some people to have them change the way they think or feel, so please think about how she use to be, and see how she is now..? you see a change? it maybe she needs help.

Well I can say, maybe you should back off her some, or talk to her, tell her what you read, and how you feel.. but watch it,, ok, be nice, she may need you now, telling her doctor is the smart thing to do.. think about it..

Good Luck,, and don't worrie so much,, get a hobbie or do something good to get your off your mother... and put away stress.. it's no good for you or anyone.

Answer 10

im sorry you had to read all of that your mother sounds alot like my mother to be honest with you .all i can say is that your mother seems to be unhappy in her owen life so she trys taken the issues off her self and makes it about you eather that or she just wants attention . and she has issues that she need to address dont take on her crap there is no right or wrong way to be a parent so dont take any thing she says to heart you know shes wrong and just let your friends know how you feel about her talken to them and tell them to tell her that dont wanna lisen to her down you thats what a good friend would do my mother trys to do the same thing to me to the only dif is the kids i have are not my owen they are my sisters and my mother was not a good mother so i know what she has to say does not count just a though hun just dont lisen to what she says .