like to forgive, as a man i want to kill the guy who did this to me, as a human i want justice, as a man who has health problems because of the broken bones , i want healing. the guy who did this to me is my moms long time boyfriend. so i have a hard time forgiving her. she is still with the man his name is robert champion keeney III .i will probably never see him again. so , im asking for justice for him, and healing for me,, any suggestions? thanks !
2007-08-27 18:21:34 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
yes i have talked to the police and an attorney. yes i have gone to counseling.
2007-08-27 19:53:37 · update #1
This type of pain is not always resolved easily, because it is involved with the complex feelings we have for people who we should be able to trust, but who have betrayed us.
It's hard to forgive people who have not acknowledged your pain, or the hurt they have done to you.
One of the first things I believe people need to do is to find a way to forgive themselves, although not for the harm done to them over which they had no control.
Most people who have been abused 'beat themselves up' pretty regularly for all sorts of reasons. Here you are, a nice guy, unhappy because you cannot forgive people who have hurt you and don't seem to care? What would you say to someone else who told you this story?
You would feel sympathy, you would be kind to them.
Well, why are you so much harsher to yourself? Be kind to yourself. Forgive your own anger, forgive the fact that you find it hard to forgive this man and your mother, accept that you are in pain and that maybe it will take a long time to find a place where you can be the 'better person'.
Then give some thought to the journey you have made. It sounds like you have done some tough things. You've confronted what happened to you as a child. You have NOT taken the easy way out of denial and taking it out on others, you have walked the hard path. You are a strong and good person.
After that, consider this ~ there are children right now going through what happened to you. They need help and it's so hard for them to find understanding. Can you find a way to join a group or organisation which helps these kids?
The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children is one such group. By giving some of your energy and love to work for these children, you may find a way to gain justice, or you may find that the best justice of all is to refuse to give this man and his deeds any more power over you, to make you unhappy or to harm your life. You may find the healing you seek.
This is the web site for the Society:
http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/maryellen_legacy.php
There are similar organisation all around the world, and all of them need so much help. They need you.
2007-08-27 20:49:15 · answer #1 · answered by Just Wondering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off I have to say that I feel sorry for you. Secondly I have to say that all the emotions you are feeling are to be expected especially since you have a constant reminder of it through the pain you experience physically and mentally. But must also say that by holding on to those feelings you are letting those people win and run your life by constantly letting them enter your thoughts and ruining what should be a good full filling life for you. I would say you should forgive them so you can finally be free of the restraints that they are putting on you emotionally. Yes I know it won't be easy but with god's help he will see you through. I can tell that you seem to be an intelligent and thoughtful person that is just going through a rough time in your life. I will tell you from experience prayer never hurts but is the healing you need to move past this. also look in the bible for scriptures on forgiveness. That might help. Like Matthew chapter 6 verses 12,14 and 15 where it says forgive us our debt as we have also forgiven our debtors and verse 14 for if you forgive men there trespasses your heavenly father will forgive you also. 15 whereas if you do not forgive men their trespasses neither will your father forgive your trespasses. And the last thing you want is for then to ruin the quality of your prayers to your father. So although it may be hard I trust you can get through it if you have faith and trust in god.
2007-08-27 19:01:27 · answer #2 · answered by I am mizz chilly 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
May God bless you all your days, sir. May God hold you in His Hands. May God be kind and merciful to you dear sir.
I have been through some of the pain you may have, and I forgive the one who put me this way also.
Whenever you have a memory, hurt, or reminder of this man, pray for yourself, forgive 100s of times this man, and ask God to HEAL, you sir.
There is this teriffic book by Father De Grandis.
It is a book on Forgiveness on "Inner Healing" and Prayer.
It has healed many. It is only $4. You can order it at a Catholic Good's store or get it at your local church bookstore.
http:www.marianland.com/queenship
/de_grandis.html *****
****It's /queenship/de_grandis.html
Another beautiful site for the Holy Mother Mary to heal you is"
" You Tube" . "Ave Maria" By Perry Como. Very beautiful.
God bless you, sir.
2007-08-27 18:51:27 · answer #3 · answered by Born Valentine's Day 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forgiveness is our own choice...you can forgive him because that's what a real christian should do...but forgiving without corresponding action might lead him to abuse many innocent children...if i were you i will file a case against him...forgiving is an easy thing to do but we should also teach those who hurt us especially you were very young then...i dont know how does your mom feels about it...im a mom too and i wont be able to survive living with a man who hurts my kid...now that you're a grown up man just forgive him and remember "dont get mad, get everything"...why get mad if you could get even!
2007-08-27 19:01:34 · answer #4 · answered by miaka 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgive the crime, but resolve the issue. the pain is not going to go away if they spend millions in doctor bills, your stuck with it. forgive the crime.
The issue of trust is another thing. boundaries were crossed and you got hurt. You were supposed to trust your mother would be there for you. she abandoned her post. this is a trust issue. you do not have to trust them until they have resolved the issue and earned the trust. but harboring anger only hurts you. that you should let go of.
2007-08-27 19:24:35 · answer #5 · answered by Dr weasel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have prayed for you. I know how hard it is to forgive. Please ask some close friend or someone in your church to pray with you and for you.
What happened to you is unforgivable but you need to forgive for your own sake not his.
I have been successful in praying for God to remove bitterness and hate from my heart.
Good luck and God bless you.
2007-08-27 18:43:57 · answer #6 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋