Why are people so critical of single mothers?

Question

I've seen someone on here tell a single mom to "find an adoptive, two parent, married family to raise your child."

Answer 1

I think it is very rude to judge people on what they have been dealt. There are women out there who are single mothers and they deserve that stereotype but what about the ones that try and make it and give there children the best life and end up not living off of wellfair.....It is a stereotype just as there are stereo type about just about everyone out there and they are wrong for people to just jump to that conclusion. Yes some stereo types are true of certain people and they fit those people but you don't know they fit that person until you have truely gotten to know them....I was a single mother for a while before I met my husband and I received WIC while my ex and I were together but surprisingly soon as we ended I took myself off WIC and all the other goverment things and got a job that worked for my family and I made end meet....We always had what we needed and sometimes what we wanted. My husband and I now live very comfortably but work our butts off for what we have and we always make sure she knows that it doesn't come for free. Single mothers are the strongest people in the world if they don't give up when the going gets tough.....So I praise all the single mothers out there that are trying to do what is right and best for their families.....

What if the reason they are single mothers is because they left a partner who beat the hell out of them in front of their partner....and beat the child.....Would you say stay in the abuse so that you don't have to be a single mother and be a stereotype....No one would stay in that and shouldn't.....Never judge some one based on what they look like or what cards they were dealt by god....Judge them on how they play those cards and how they handle their life......

Answer 2

I'm not. Not everybody is meant to have a precious marriage with lots of kids. Even people with married parents, sometimes one parent is there more than the other so it's almost like having a single parent. My parents were married but my father worked so much that we barely saw him. She took care of 4 birth children, 1 step son, and 2 adoptive children 7 days a week.

What the person should have said that the child need a stable enviornment and household that would provide him with the care and love that he or she needs.

There are also some single mothers/parents that provide more for their children financially and emotionally than a two parent family does. Why? Because sometimes the parents are so caught up in their own little world that they forget about their children sometimes. I know my dad did. It took my mom passing away to try and get closer to me. I'm 22 now. My childhood is gone forever.

Answer 3

Good Day all....I wanted to Comment this first because i think it is VERY Inappropriate and Second Because everyone has there Ups and Downs in Life!

I am A Happily Married Woman, 28 with 5 Children!
please continue i think you'll enjoy what i have wrote.

Single Mothers can be the Best Mothers in the World, They always have the undivided attention, love and care that a child/ren needs...not having to bother with another adult running around screaming and yelling, the child/ren do not see alot of interaction good or bad with the parents that sometimes bring on!
Yes, it helps that if the child/ren has both parents to bring him or her up in a wonderful life and background, let alone be a good idol for this child/ren!
It is VERY Hard being a Mother.....you have to do so much
clean house, work F/T or P/T to make ends meet, cook, bathe, shop, pay bills and then have to worry about someone else downing you because you are single and making it in life! I give single mothers props all day long....sometimes i feel single because my husband works and attends college so i do everything as well!!!
I know what it is like and then most of the people out here judge and critacising these single moms...do not have children, have children but are married, never went through this to know that she is doing her best and being a loving and supportive mom. I would just love to take these moms under my wing and show them sometimes it is OK to cry, to be alone, to feel left out, to let them know someone does care and love them equally...People please stop, regather, and think about what you are doing, saying to some and hurting some!!!!!
Mothers whether Married, Single, Divorced, Widowed...They all have to deal with children and this is a FULLTIME JOB regardless of what you or I think!!!
Have some goodness in your hearts and know that one way or another this lady WILL make it! Also to know she is a Single Mother for a reason!
Most Men leave and do not want responability for the young.
have a Heart and think of someone that may or might be going through this! DO SOME RESEARCH!!!!!!!
She didn't get Pregnant on her OWN....
all i'm Saying is when you see something like this and you think bad thoughts, like how come, or why, or who
think of yourself right there where they are (in her shoes) and try and think of all the possibilities why this person is in this situation! that's all
God Bless You all and have a Great Day!

Answer 4

I think that having at two people who are responsible for sharing the responsibility of parenting is optimal. I have two kids under three and sometimes it is overwhelming, I cannot imagine if I couldn't hand the responsibility over to my husband sometimes.

My mother was single mom and she didn't have sick day for twenty years. Stomach flu - so what, Migraine - so what, Emergency hysterectomy and bed rest -so what. She still had to get up get us dressed, fed and off to school.

I think people who are this judgmental about single parenthood are mostly responding to their own bias, but I do think society paints and unrealistic picture of life as a parent and especially as a single mother.

It used to drive me nuts on "Friends" after Rachael had the baby and she and Ross would be sitting in the coffee house sipping coffee. Can any of you imagine hiring a baby sitter so that you could spend every afternoon drinking coffee? Or else they show the baby peacefully sleeping in a bassinet at a nice restaurant. Right.

I just hope that the single mothers (and all parents) understand that once that baby comes - your life is no longer yours. When you become a parent you go from being the picture to being the picture's frame. That is a big sacrifice when two people sit down and decide to make that choice. It is a huge sacrifice when it is a situation that is thrust upon you with little or no support and no choice in the matter.

I still feel overwhelmed sometimes and I have more resources than most people.

Answer 5

Well, the research is pretty clear that kids raised by single moms do much much worse in many measures than kids raised by two parents families. In fact, a huge study has been completed in Sweden. This was of great interest, because Sweden is a society where all medical, housing, education, and child care needs are met by the state (by all the people pitching in together) so single motherhood has no correlation to poverty or financial deprivation.

What was found was that children raised by single moms were twice as likely to be mentally ill, unemployed, undereducated, substance abusing, and other bad things as kids raised by two parents.

So, while most people don't know these studies, I think they know in their gut that it's just not a good situation for kids. When women actually CHOOSE to raise their kids that way, rather than finding themselves in that spot through widowhood or divorce, then it is a choice to put their children at grave risk for many great problems that harm the child and harm society. This will bother people, obviously.

Answer 6

That's crazy, my sister is a single parent, of 2 girls, she is divorced and my nieces have a dead beat dad who never pays child support until he's in jail, then his parents bail him out and pay. I know my older niece is 13 and my sister has heard some rude comments from other parents about their children not being aloud over because they don't know what kind of values she instills in them. My niece is VERY smart and is in all honors classes and a gifted program at school, and the same parents that said that where upset their daughter was not in the gifted program, and could not comprehend the fact how a single mothers child was in the program and they insisted their daughter get tested again, it took her four times before she passed the test. I think shame on them, to even say that to a little girl. Just because her ex husband decided he didn't want to be a dad anymore my sister gets ridiculed by people.

Answer 7

That was rude!
I was married with a child, and then ended up divorced and a single mom for 3 years.
It is tough and some people are so judgemental on that stuff. Single moms (most of them) should be praised they have a really tough job being both parents and everything else a mom has to be!

Answer 8

People say alot of hurtful things that they have no clue about... I heard alot of things about getting pregnant when I was engaged (due to get married in less than 2 months when I found out, and by the way I was also 27 years old so I was a full grown women and people still said things to me) but you know what I didn't care what they had to say because that was between myself and God. I believe that whenever a child is conceived IT'S ALWAYS A GIFT FROM GOD.... You can't listen to all the put downs or grief that people want to give a single parent because the truth is that child is lucky to have you a parent that loves them and your lucky to have them. My advice to a person that gets a silly comment is to say you know what I think we are both the luckiest people in the world. Because God gave me a child that I adore and God gave my child a parent that adores him/her..... Any way don't let it bother you everyone has an opinion and when it comes to your life yours is the only one that matters!

Answer 9

Some people may be insecure in their own parenting abilities and would have no idea how to survive on their own. As long as the single mom (or dad) has a network of friends or family to lean on so she doesn't get burned out then it can be a loving family home. Homes and families are made up of people who love and nurture each other.

Answer 10

alot of it stems from the fact that raising children is hard

a couple raising a child has a lot of work to do
they often want to feel good about the job they do raising their children
it is unfortunate, but by finding someone else to claim they are better than, they feel better about themselves


there is also the unfortunate stereotype of single mothers with welfare and all whatnot

realize too, that this person made this comment anonymously, on line, and probably would not have the gall to do so to someone in person