Need some advice on first impression of my niece's boyfriend?

Question

Just met this dude in the materinty ward no less. My sis tells me in code that this dude is a real dirt bag. My neice is only 17 and nine months pregers. I go to introduce myself and he gives me the matcho hand shake with the kung fu grip. I look him dead in the eyes and return his challenge with a stout grip of my own, and ask him. "What's this?" to which he says "Just a hand shake." I then tell him I'm her Uncle and love her very much so be sure and understand that her welfare is my first concern. I get the feeling he's the type that might slap her around a bit to which I feel powerless to do anything about without first being called on to act. I'm 53 now & he's maybe 20 or 21. There is no doubt in my mind I could educate this young man and I'm talking old school as is my rule. This kid thinks this old biker isn't much of a challenge but if I find out he's smacked my little girl around....well like I said I'd like to hear what y'all think. What should I do? Serious now.

Answer 1

I've found that my instincts have generally been right when it comes to dirt bag people. There's something so similar in all of them; maybe it's their general lack of respect. However, no one learns respect at the end of a fist. Since he's not married to your niece, talk to her about him, keeping in mind that she's very young and will defend him and his actions. Rather than set up that scenario, maybe you could tell her you're there to help her protect her child. Give her a special code word or quote or name that she can use if she needs help; tell her you're doing this because your instincts and experience tell you that her boyfriend might eventually be a problem for her. If you start wailin' on him, though, she's going to jump in and defend him. So, just make sure they both know you're watching out for your niece and her child, and anyone who makes her life miserable will regret it. Then follow up with regular checks on her and the baby. If you include the baby, she's more likely to listen.

Answer 2

First you made a big no no. You listened to the family gossip and made an opinion of him before you had met him based on what your sis told you. Your letting your ego on a handshake that you are possibly intimated by this 20 something dudes handshake. Im sure you being a biker guy, you've been subject to people's opinions about you that you're the type of guy to smack a girl around too.
Remember to keep your nose out of the women's gossip, you wont help anyone out by listening and having a baised opinion. Watch and see how he does and judge him on that, not on the day when his girlfriend is having his baby. He's probably stressed out as it is, and not exactly the best time to be meeting new family. He's probably trying to show you with the handshake that he's capable of protecting your niece should anything happen. Dont forget this is her life to live and unfortunatly you get a backseat pass to her decisions. Be there for her regardless of the outcome, even tho if this is the first time you're meeting this dude and she's nine months pregnant... where have you been in her life that now all of this is such a big deal? If your gunna be there for her, be there for her all the way, not just the once a year family reunion in the mat. ward of a hosptial.

Answer 3

Well this guy is her choice---why is only her concern--but the guy maybe OK and just wasn't very impressive in the situation you all were in. Maybe it would have been better in a different time and place. I definitely would go with your "GUT" instinct...but again, you can't take matters into your own hands. If he is abusive, you have to follow the law--and she has to be the one to report it---you can only be supportive and protective to a point. Try being nice and talking like an adult to him---see if any good qualities are there that may be a surprise to you. It may go better than you think. Visits with her and him and the kids will be a lot better if everyone is congenial and happy. It is her life--her choice--her man--and if she is the type to endure abuse--she will need more attention than him. She will need to find out why she has such low self esteem---why she needs to be dominated---it could be something you know nothing about from early childhood. Please be fair and give this guy a chance--if there is a problem it will show eventually. Then you need to get her some real effective help from the law and then a pro can help her with whatever else she needs. Hey man, I don't want to see you on COPS--keep cool.Good luck

Answer 4

You need to have very honest and open communication with your niece. He may not be as bad as you think. The handshake was most likely his insecurity, because I'm sure you scared the crap out of him. If she stays with this guy, make it a priority to get to know him a little. Remember the saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer??? Then you can educate him without him feeling threatened. If he is a creep, just pray that your precious niece can see it.

Answer 5

First, remember that this is her life, and her decision to make, good or bad. Second, make sure she knows you have nothing but her best interest at heart, and will be the first one to step in if she needs it. Also, make sure that he knows that, as well. You don't want to make an enemy of someone that could become a relative, but at the same time, blood is blood.

Answer 6

What makes me wonder is why does she think so little of herself to get mixed in with a creep like that to begin with? And I understand the wanting to be protective part but someone wasn't protecting her and brinning her up to see the right and wrong way to be treated if she is with a creep like that to begin with...

What should you do? Keep your nose out of it unless asked but you are welcome of course to let her know you are there for HER.

Answer 7

i have a daughter thats almost 17. and i have 2 brothers. and her father and i are still together. and everytime my daughter dates someone my bros have told the boys that they have guns and arent scared to use them...lol . thy just come right out and tell them thats their niece and they wouldnt think of hurting someone to protect her... your niece has to be carefull. she needs to stand up for her self but by all means let the dirt bag know ur watching him and 1 screw up will lead to a stomping

Answer 8

Call in your buddies if the time comes you need to educate him properly. Even if you are tough its good to have back up.

Answer 9

Tell your niece in no uncertain terms that you'll always be there for her.And tell the bf you'll always be around,and look him dead in his eyes.i'm sure he'll get the point then.

Answer 10

Call the police... dont get involved where you could end up in jail or sued... over some dirtbag...