My fiance is very religious, Im not. Can it work?

Question

I love my fiance. She is a very religious woman and I am not religious. I dont know if I believe in God or not. I have more questions than answers and that is one area of our relationship where we are quite different.

To the people out there who have a mate from a different religious background, can I have some advise?

Is it possible for a relationship like ours to survive? Sometimes I have my doubts. But I would like to believe that love can conquer all, even a differing opinion of God.

Answer 1

A marriage is rarely about just two people! What if you have children one day? How are you planning to rear these children? If your fiancee loves the Lord as much as you say, He is the one who will get priority in her life! How will you deal with that? When you tell the children things that go against the grain of her very foundation, how will she deal with that? Sadly, love does not conquer all! Thinking about this now will save a lot of heartbreak later!

Answer 2

It can survive, but it will be hard work. I suggest you do a bit of soul searching and figure out what it is that you do believe, then talk it over with your fiance. You need to figure out if you two can coexist without clashing because if she's really religious, the fact that you don't want to join in with her activities will cause problems....if that's what you decide to do in the end.

Besides that, figuring out what your beliefs are for real is important before you embark on a life with someone else. You have to know WHO you are before you know exactly what you want, and before you know if who you are is someone she can always love. Not knowing yourself very well is one reason people say they grow apart when marriages fail. A lot of times, it's not that they grew apart. It's mostly that one or both of them didn't know themselves well enough to BE themselves in front of the other person. Sooner or later, these people do figure out who they are and it's always a shock, I think, to find out that who you've become isn't what either of you expected.

Sorry if that wasn't clear. Good luck in any event.

Answer 3

this is a tough subject to want a correct answer for. Because she for some reason is going out with you knowing you do not share the same beliefs and well must accept you as you are but i am sure it would make her very happy if you do become religious because you would share so much more but I see her as open minded and it can work so it is really hard to find the love of your life and you should just talk wit each other and let her know your concerns hope it al works out..ps it will

Answer 4

Me and my fiance have different beliefs and we get along just great. 3 1/2 years without a single fight.

The only problem you'd have is if you try to convert her (or vice-versa). You have to realize that you are two different people with two different ideas about life. As long as you keep this in mind, are honest with each other, and trust each other, you shouldn't have much of a problem.

And when you raise kids, maybe it would be better to give them morals and teach them well-- but keep religion out of it. Let them decide what they want when they're old enough.

Answer 5

Sure it can work. Just don't rule out the possibility of her passing on her faith to you. :)

To religious people, religion is like a million bucks- they want to spread the wealth. If she seems like she wants you to get religion, she's not being judgmental of the fact that you aren't religious. She simply has something that makes her really happy and gives her a reason to live, and she wants to share it with you. You may want to discuss this with her and come to an agreement about religion before you tie the knot- whether or not you'll go to church with her on a regular basis, raising your kids to be religious, and that sort of thing- because knowing where each of you stands will prevent a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings later on. (If I were you, I'd go to church with her sometimes at least- it can't hurt, and it will make her happy.)

Answer 6

I would hope so, but sadly if she is very religious it might be difficult. Just try to find common ground and try to avoid the idea and discussion of religion. Or you might find the opposite better, get it out of the way, talk to her about it if she can't accept you for your non-religious self then it's not true love. Being a atheist myself I try not to focus on religious that much with the people I love. Even as crazy as some of thier ideas are.

Answer 7

Imagine your relationship is like two ships heading for a far away land. At the start, you agree to go to the same place. If you are off even one degree, by the middle of the voyage, you will be miles apart. Along the way, you can be distant at times, so long as you remain in sight of each other, and know you are both on the same course. You can not tie the ships together (force your partner to think or do like you) for in a storm, both ships must be free to navigate or both will sink.

Ultimately, for any relationship to stand the test of time, both people must agree they are heading for the same destination.

Whether religion is pertinent to your journey is something only the two of you can decide, but if you examine your beliefs in the context of the scenario I've described, you'll know right away if it's going to be a cause for divorce in the years ahead.

Answer 8

My wife and I have been together for 26 years (16 married). We were brought up in very different cultures - her: Catholic, me: Hindu - although we both rejected our formal teachings and instead sought our own paths to understanding (and are continuing to seek). Because we have not been bogged down in religious-institutional dogma we are both free to choose our own path. Additionally, we have chosen very different paths but continue to learn from each other and grow (we believe) as people.

I think the answer to your question comes down to the following important questions:

Can both of you respect the others' beliefs and perhaps even learn from each other?

How important is religion in your daily lives? You say that she's religious but does religion oversee her day-to-day life? Or is she "simply" spiritual and sees religion as her way of understanding the universe and coping with difficulties and change?

How will you raise your children, if you have children?

... Just a few of the things you'll need to consider.

Having said that, if you truly love each other it is *my* personal opinion that you can overcome such differences.

Answer 9

When I married my husband he wasn't a believer, and yes, it's been a long, hard and often lonely road for both of us because what he wanted to do was go hang at the bars on the weekends, and I wanted to be up early for church.
We had to learn early that if we wanted to stay married we must allow each other to go our separate ways on many occasions.
He now has faith in God, but still not quite as into the whole "church thing" as I am. Some times when I'm getting ready for church and he just climbs back into bed, I want to say, "That's it we're threw!" but I swallow my pride and go onto church without him.
But in the long run, I would say as long as you're willing to let her worship God as she likes, and she accepts the fact that you don't agree with her ideas, then its entirely possible.

Answer 10

I am a pastor who has worked with many couples over the years. What I am about to say is not popular and I know I will receive a lot of thumbs down. It doesn't matter, I must speak the truth.

Every couple believes that love can conquer all and every couple is truly in love when they marry. Yet, I too often deal with couples who are going through divorce. In every case, they have found that love doesn't conquer all.

In your situation, you are already having doubts. But because you are engaged, you want to ignore those doubts and trust in love. I think you should listen to your doubts and discuss them seriously with your fiance.

If she truly believes in Jesus, the first problem you face is that she understands that there is an afterlife and she will want to share it with you. If she accepts the words of Jesus, she believes that you must accept Jesus to receive that life.

She may not believe it will be an issue now. But I have seen the scenario too often. It does hurt devoted relationships. She will feel lonely going to church by herself. She will want to share the joys of her faith and to pray with you. The possibility is that your lack of faith will limit her faith involvement. I see this often with women who hurt because their husband doesn't share their faith.

Only you two can make this choice. You may well overcome this and live a long life together. It may be that you will marry and the issue will never be raised, but it isn't true that love conquers all. Please think about this and discuss your doubts with her. This is an issue you both need to resolve in my opinion.

Pastor John