Should we be teaching our 2 year old to say 'please'?

Question

My husband and I are in a debate and he feels that when you request something (i.e. 'Would you turn off the light?') that you don't have to say 'please' as the person can answer 'no'. And then only if they comply, then it is the time to say 'thank you'. He doesn't feel there is a need for the use of the word 'please'. I feel our daughters will sound rude or commanding, rather than requesting if they do not use the word 'please'. Please help us end this debate. Thank you.

added note: we have been teaching our daughter manners all a long, and she does say; bless you, excuse me, thank you, you're welcome. I would rather my children be accused of being too polite rather than too rude. I am a big advocate of manners. My husband is too, but just disagrees on using the word 'please' for some strange reason.

Answer 1

He will teach your kids to be demanding. Saying please is a good way to teach your kids about respect.

Answer 2

Personally, I think it's important for young kids to have good manners, so yes, I really do think that you should be teaching your daughters the word please..I work in the infant room and whenever the 18-24 month olds say "more more" I say "please" and eventually they will catch on. I think if you don't teach your daughter these polite words she may think it is ok when she gets older not to have any manners. and you wanna make sure she's not snotty. however, it is you and you're husbands decision. Because even if you ask a question, "Can you please turn off the light?"...they could say no but at least you were polite...idk lol. well good luck with the persuasion!

Answer 3

I think that it would be a good start to start teaching your 2 year old "please" and "thank you". Whether or not it is needed during the conversation, and whether or not you can get a negative response from it isn't the case at this point. It's always good to start teaching your child manners at a young age, because when they get older the "habit" of good manners will benefit them in the long run. It's not a "request" by saying "please"... it's showing respect more than anything... then it doesn't sound like your child is demanding something, but asking and showing respect to the individual. I believe that if you teach your children manners now, they will have more respect for an individual later on in the future. It does sound rude when you aren't saying "please", especially to an adult or an adult-like figure, because it does sound like you are demanding that person to do something, whereas, when you use "please" and "thank you" you are showing respect for them...

Hope that helps! (and I hope you understand what I am trying to say! lol)

Answer 4

Good manners should be taught much earlier than 2 yrs. It is polite to say please and thank you. You should be teaching by example. I would say "please turn off the light?", and I would wait for my child to repeat it back to me. I would continue to do that until they were able to say it. Once they asked with a please, I would then turn off the light. I would not get angry or do it in a punitive way, I would say it in a pleasant tone / playful tone of voice. When you do that from the beginning, they will just automatically do it. But I am a firm believer in treating even the smallest of children with courtesy and respect. I will also tell you, that even the rudest of children, want to be polite if they are given the right incentive.

Answer 5

I completely disagree with your husband. Asking please and saying thank you sets the stage for mutual respect and cooperation within your family unit. If in your immediate family you can't say "please" to respectfully ask assistance, and merely leave it up to the other person to reply with a nonchalant.."no" as if to say, "I don't want to, or I don't feel like it", then this is the beginning of the breakdown of family togetherness. At such an early age, a child should be taught that it is ok to ask for your family to be open with each other, to love one another by doing things that are respectfully requested so long as they are not doing anything wrong or illegal. I agree, allowing a child to grow up with no recognition of how to be polite does not prepare them for the world outside the home.

Answer 6

The word please all depends on who is giving the directive. For example, mom or dad say "Turn off the light" that is a command and you do not need the word please; however the parent asks "While you are near the light could you please turn it off?" Now this isn't a command and your child can say yes or no and you have to abide by it. You are saying please to be kind. Children however should never be commanding so to tell your child to say please is good, because they need to learn that they are not in charge and therefore, need to ask, over telling. Parents have the choice of asking or telling their children to do something.

Answer 7

It's never too young to teach manners. Manners shows a child how to have respect for you and others. Children are very impressionable and to teach this now, ensures they will be prepared for interaction with others (including children) in the future. Your child may be the example for other children to be well mannered & behaved.

Answer 8

YESSSSSSSS! Manners are always needed. You want to tech your children right from the beginning. You wouldn't avoid teaching somebody not to scream and yell at random people just because you don't want them to be shy. My son is 2 1/2 and he has been saying please, thank you, bless you and no thank you for the past year. I feel he is a better kid because of it. Also our society is sadly lacking manners and we need to bring them back. The rest of the world doesn't call us, "rude americans" for no reason.

Answer 9

Hmm that's a tough question.. Because think of what you say to your husband when you ask him to turn on the light. You probably just say hey, turn on that light.. without even thinking.

But we do have to teach our children manners, and what better way to do that then teaching them their ps and qs with everything!

I would do it for the kids sake.. Manners are very important in children, if anything but for preperation for adulthood.

Answer 10

Your kids will definitely learn to speak from the way you speak. I've never been big on always saying "Say please," to the kid because I feel like they will just learn to say it as they learn to say all the other words and it doesn't set up any battles or any control issues if you don't make an issue of it. However, if the kids are growing up in an environment where please is not used -- then clearly they are likely to not grow used to saying please. I don't think it's a big deal as long as they do say thank you but, most people really do like to be asked with a "please," -- not just kids but, adults too. I don't think anyone would think your kids are rude if they don't say please; as long as they do say thank you.

Answer 11

Yes, use the word and start now. It is SUPER rude and annoying when you're out at the park and some kid comes up to you telling you what to do or what to get him/her. It is also rude to hear they calling me "hey!" So yeah, get her started and start young. It is never too early, she'll only get compliments and kudos to you all for having her be polite and mannerly. That's what it boils down to...manners. Better to teach them to her than to not teach her.