I am using my friend's computer because my computer is down, anyway I'm 20 and i'm am 6 months pregnant and my ex-boyfriend is 21. This is unplanned pregnancy but I was still happy ,my family is very happy , i thought he would happy too but he wasn't.Neither were his parents or family, his parents think I trapped him,they have called me a w **** and other foul names more than once,Now my boyfriend is starting to act the same way, so we have broken up. The bad blood between myself and his parents is making my pregnancy stressful,so I'm not going to talk to them until my daughter is born.
I'm not sure if I even want my baby around his family anymore,if this is how they feel but I don't it is fair to my daughter to not have her grandparents around either.
Do you think they will come around once my baby's born or do you think they will still treat me badly and treat my daughter badly as well.
Can you give some advice on how to deal with this.
thanks
2007-08-27 12:15:23 · 23 answers · asked by nbabmorefan 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We did talk about having children but
we had not decided to try to concieve
at that point,that's what I meant by unplanned.
2007-08-27 12:55:22 · update #1
He will take care of our daughter,when comes to her physical needs, he has told me wants to be in her life no matter
what also.
2007-08-27 13:03:02 · update #2
But I'm not so sure about him being in her life after he reacted like this to my pregnancy.
2007-08-27 13:05:12 · update #3
You are right to limit contact with him and his family if they are stressing you out. At this time, you should do what is best for YOU.
If your ex is willing to support the child after it is born, then you should let him be a part of the baby's life if he chooses to. One thing I would say is to get a paternity test --even if you(and he) are 100% sure it is his child. That way, there is proof in case his parents want to make more trouble.
Once the baby arrives, his folks may decide that they want to be grandparents --as long as you feel comfortable about it, I would let them be a part of the baby's life.
However, if they continue to treat you with disrespect, I would limit their access --and not let them take the baby away from your house to visit.
If they are not willing to be friendly to you, you have no obligation to allow them any visits.
As the baby gets older, please do not say bad things about your ex or his family to the child. You can find a tactful way to say why they are not friendly with you ( if that turns out to be the way it is.)
2007-08-27 13:36:46 · answer #1 · answered by Marilyn E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think that you should take yourself out of the stressful situation and not spend anytime with them for now. If they come around in the end then see how they act when she is born. I will make the suggestion of seeking support and custody immediatley though!! This way you will not have to worry about them being able to take her from you I live in Pennsylvania and I went thru this every state is different.
Our law here is if neither parent has custody the other party can take the child where ever they want to and the other party can not do squat I had to file and emergency petiotion to get my son back from North Carolina and the worst part of it was i was breatfeeding him at the time and the law in North Carolina if I would have went to where my son was I would have been charged with tresspassing so check you laws and see what they state!!
Best of luck
2007-08-27 12:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an adult you need to confront his parents. let them know ,you understand that they are not happy about the situation. maybe their son does not have a job,maybe you dont have a job. They want the best for their son and their grand child. perhaps they feel you two are not secure enough to give the child a good life.
tell them that you plan to to do the right thing.You will learn a trade or get a career ,by going to school while the baby is in child care . tell them you want their son to get an education.
Also ,they are old enough to know their son knows how to use a condom too.It took both of you to make this mistake . Now you have to stand up to the plate and give your child a good life . Maybe his parents thing you will go on welfare or something . let them know you are a mature woman and will do the right thing.
2007-08-27 12:42:53 · answer #3 · answered by secrethaven45 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is understandable not to want your child around people who are like that. Some people are just idiots and there is nothing you can do that will change it. If they are still acting like that once your daughter is born then you do not have to let them see her. Hopefully they will see how stupid they have been acting and want to be part of the baby's life.
You do have the right to set ground rules though. You can only allow supervised visits so you can be sure that they are not poisoning your daughter with their crazy ideas. Allow them to come to your home to visit, or offer to come to their home so all the family can visit.
As far as the father is concerned, you will have to go to court to have any rules added to the visitation, unless of course he is willing to go along with what you say.
I hope it all works out for you and your daughter. Good luck with your pregnancy.
2007-08-27 12:27:28 · answer #4 · answered by MELISSA B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard situation, yet now you know who the guy you fell in love with, really is. Don't stress about this, enjoy your pregnancy and let them come to you if they decide to see your baby, but if they do, seriously talk to them and tell them that you respect their opinion and if that is how they want to think, then that it is fine with you, but that they first have to respect you and your baby if they want to see her. If they decide not to have anything to do with your baby, then great too, it is better to have great grandparents, like your parents, than two have another two that will make her life miserable. Now a days many families raise their kids like this and it comes to be better for them, all you have to worry about is to show your baby how much you love her. Anyways good luck and hopefully things turn out ok for you!
2007-08-27 13:01:06 · answer #5 · answered by lady butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's too late to suggest birth control. If his family is unsupportive, don't talk to them anymore for awhile. Have your baby and go to court to get child support from your boyfriend (even if he's your EX by then). IF his family then comes around and wants to visit their grandchild, I'd tell them they can see the child if they can be respectful to you. Having grandparents is important for children. Someday your little girl will ask why she doesn't know her father's parents. You don't want to tell her you kept her from them. Better to say that they never were a part of your life, either.
2007-08-27 12:24:45 · answer #6 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing seems to melt the heart like grand babys.... I think that maybe you need to sit sown and have a heart to heart to his mother. The fact is that you don't know what he might be telling his parents. Have the talkso they can hear both sides. And either way allow them to see this child. You must be the bigger person. It sounds as if you were raised with love and support (I don't know many parents that would be happy about an unplanned preg.) And tis will allow you to pass that to your child from day one. Best of luck, and lots of love.
2007-08-27 12:26:39 · answer #7 · answered by Brandi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not trying to get him to stay with you just because you're pregnant, then his family should be able to see that you aren't trying to trap him. But since people are stubborn, just wait it out. If they want to be a part of the babys' life, give them a chance. Babys can bring about changes in people that you wouldn't expect, so they might surprise you. But, if they're still as rude to you, and unaccepting of the baby, that's a good time to cut them off. If they can't at least be loving and supportive of their grandchild, chances are that they wont be too hurt about not being able to see her anyway.
2007-08-27 12:37:27 · answer #8 · answered by lehua 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u should not let them be apart of your guy's lives because even if their nice to the baby they'll still say bad stuff about you in front of your baby. Which will make for a bad and stress-full life for u and your baby. It will always cause conflict for you and anyone you might decide to have a relationship with. Don't you watch T.V? It's on Springer, Maury, And all that stuff....... So when your baby's born, it's a new life for you and her. I know from experience. Everything will be just fine.
2007-08-27 12:29:13 · answer #9 · answered by t0nnigirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to do whatever is necessary to take care of your baby and yourself. You cannot force his parents to accept you or the child. In time they may come around, but let that be their decision. I know it hurts to be rejected by people who should consider you to be family, but they probobly just don't want to deal with a baby from their young son. You don't need them to make it. Just make sure that he atleast pays you child support.I would cut off comunication with the family completley if they continue to treat you like an outcast. Don't let them stress you out, this is the time you need to be drama-free and enjoy your pregnancy.
2007-08-27 12:31:05 · answer #10 · answered by mimi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋