Girlfriend pushes for me to forgive my father?

Question

Fifteen years ago my little sister was shot and killed as me and my father watched. I was tied to a chair but my father was untied and free to move about.
He just stood there as the guy shot my sister. He let her die. And he went to prison for it. He will never again be a free man. My testimony sealed that fate for him.
Now girlfriend Meriah has been pushing for me to go and visit him. She says that I should try and forgive him. That I should start seeing things from his point of view. That maybe he really couldn't do anything to save her.
I am totally against this. I hate him for what he did. I haven't seen him since the trial and plan on never seeing him again. I don't want to be hurt again.
Do I give in and go see my father? or Do I stand my ground?

Answer 1

First of all let me expresses my deepest sympathies for the untimely loss of your sister. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Now with that said let me say that I took a look at this from both sides of the story. Let me show you how this looks to me. I was left with several unanswered questions.

Your Side:
This guy came into your home. He tied up both you and your younger sister to chairs. But he left your father untied. Then he shot your younger sister and your father did nothing to protect her. He basically just stood there and let this happen. Now he is serving a life sentence in prison for the death of your sister.

Yes I agree that he should have been charged as an accessory. I see that he failed at his job to protect one of his children. To me a parent should put the lives of his or her children before their own.

Unanswered Questions:

1. How did this guy get into your house?
2. Why did he leave your father untied?

Now lets look at this from what might be your father's side okay. This guy came into your home and tied up your children. Now he is threatening to shoot one of them. What do I do? Do I make a play for the gun and all of us end up dead or just me and where does that leave my children.
Or do I sacrifice her for the lives of me and my son.

Unanswered Questions:

1. Why didn't your father call the police?
2. What were the demands that would have prevented your sister getting shot?

I do not believe that you should act hastily. But a wise man once said "To error is human but to forgive is divine." I am not necessarily saying that you have to go and visit your father. You obviously have a lot of anger that has built up over the years and need to release some of that before you see him.
But I do advise you to try to see things from his point of view. Maybe there was nothing he could have done? Maybe he was paralyzed by the fear of seeing a gun pointed at his baby girl.
I advise you to do the following two things before you decide whether to visit your father.

1. Write him a letter telling him how you saw and felt about the events of that day. Have him write you his side of the story and see if you can't see things from his point of view.

2. Talk to a counselor and tell him or her your side of the story and see if she or he can't help you release some of your anger.

Other unanswered question that I have is

1. Where was your mother during this time?
2. Where is she now?

Talk to her she may also be able to help you understand why your father didn't act to help your sister and she may be able to help you release your anger.

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS

Answer 2

I don't know how old you were when this happened, but there may have been things going on that you didn't understand. You're father may have afraid to lose you as well your sister. If you don't know why your father did as he did, I think you should go and hear his side of the story, and then make up your mind. I also think you should forgive him, he's in jail because he let his child die. Let your anger go. That doesn't mean you have let him back into your life or anything, but for your own sake, don't be bitter or vengeful. Good luck.

Answer 3

First let me say I'm extremely sorry for this horrible tragedy and the death of your sister. I can't imagine, my sympathies are with you. I'm so sorry.

While I think your girlfriends intentions are honorable I don't think that you should push yourself to do something you are not ready to do and may never be able to do. You must be true to your heart, that is all you can do. You can not rush a forgiveness if you aren't ready and shouldn't be pushed to do so.

It wouldn't be a bad idea to seek counseling for this if you feel there are areas you wish to explore to move towards forgiveness. But I wouldn't rush into seeing him without seeking a counselor first.

I wish you the best, again I'm so sorry about your sister and what you have gone through.

Answer 4

What did your father go to jail for something he did not commit? it was not him who killed your sister, it was the guy.

Well the honest truth is , sometimes you should take a step back and relax. stop spamming your brain with reasons on why you should hate him. why not start thinking of reasons why you should love him and forgive him. ( if you are thinking, there are no reasons at all, then start thinking again)

Well without your dad, you wouldn't be here right now.
And maybe at that point of time, he might have been forced to do that just to save your life. sometimes sacrifices has to be made . go to him asee your father and find out the truth from him, because only he will know the truth. at least listen to him out fully then make a decision.

In anycase, ur father still loves you deep inside. he is already pathetic enough to be locked up in a jail. with his only kin left hating him, its hell for him.

Answer 5

So your Dad is in prison because he didn't do anything to save your sister? Was your Dad in on what was going on? That is a sad thing. And I feel for you. I watched a show the other day about people forgiving someone who had killed their family member. I didn't hear anyone of them say they regretted doing so. You can forgive someone without forgetting. Yes, it is hard to do but, when you carry anger with you that person is with you 24/7. I am sure your dad is living with a lot of shame and regret. I hope someday you do forgive him. It doesn't mean he has to be in your life or that you have to forget.....God bless

Answer 6

You'll have to find that answer yourself sweety.

Your gf shouldn't even try pushing the subject, unless she's hearing the need in your voice, and maybe she is.

With such a tramatic experience, maybe there is a part you don't remember or really no if he could of saved her.

Have you tried seeing a hynosis about this? Maybe with the sessions, maybe there is a part of this tragedy you have regressed. You might be reminded of something that is buryed real deep.
The courts must of had enough evidence to commit him.

Look deep within yourself, if you chose not to seek hypnosis. The answer will come to you.

Answer 7

OMG!! I am so sorry for the loss of your sister!! How horrible. :(

There are 2 ways to view this...
First, with the way that you are handling this. I can't blame you for not wanting to talk to your father or forgiving him for it at this point in life. This is something that needs to come from you and your heart not your girlfriend.

Second, I agree with you but keep in mind that all these years of not speaking with your father you might regret it years down the road.

My heart goes out to you. You do what makes you happy with this. Don't feel like you need to go and talk to him because your girlfriend wants you to. Stand your ground and talk with her and let her know that this is you and if she could be supportive of you.

Sorry for your loss! Good Luck!!

Answer 8

u need to do what U feel is right. im so very sorry about ur sister, but maybe there was nothing that he could of done...maybe he thought if he tried something, all of u were going to get hurt...im not a parent, but i know if a gun is pointing at my child, i'd stand in front of it or do anything in my power to stop him!!! he should have beg for the man to take his life, not the girls; thats what i would have done...but, i wasn't there, and cant say what he was thinking or trying to do....

but, i'd stand ur ground, i u don't want to forgive him, u should be forced too...

Answer 9

first tell me what you would have done,, it easy to say i done this are that, but till you walk in your dad shoes, your never realy know,ok look at it this way what if he would have try, may be you not be here to tell you side,, an too he paying for, what he did not do, the thing, he got to live with your sister death for the rest of his life,, an here something to think about, you hateing him, but when he gone, who you going to blame,,, an meriah is trying to help you move on with your life,. for to get forgiveness you got to be willing to give it,,you got to learn to let go of the pass, for it done, finish, , an some where in your life you got to close the book on this, yes it hard to lose a love one, ,,an i bet your dad, has play this over in his head, a many of time,,,

Answer 10

You said that he didn't shoot her and somebody else did. But he didn't do anything about it. Why did he go to prison for if he didn't do it? Did you see who shot her? Why were you tied to a chair? I am not really understanding this. I don't think he should go to jail if he didn't do it. About you talking to him, it depends on what really happened that day. What really happened? Look deep within you and search for the answer. Only you can make the decision.