What should I do?

Question

I recently got engaged. I announced to my immediate family that we are planning on doing it in October 09 because we want to be able to save enough money to do it exactly as we like. The problem is that my sister is now saying that she and her boyfriend are going to get engaged and that I should get married the year before because that is when they want to get married. Am I being selfish telling her we picked our date first and she'll have to work around it? She is also supposed to be my Maid of Honor. She tells me that I will be hers... I dont want to plan two weddings! (since I would help with hers) What's the ettiquette on picking your date in regards to family.....

I wouldn't mind if she got married before me but what is the appropriate time period between two weddings in the same family? If I am getting married in October and she picks September I would feel really badly that family members would have to buy two gift, spend money on traveling twice, etc. Also, I am under the impression that planning a wedding is stressful. (understatement.) I want to be able to concentrate on my own.

Answer 1

Yep, your sister is trying to steal some of your thunder. Suggesting that you change your wedding date when she is not even engaged yet is ludicrous and narcissistic. Keep your date; if she goes ahead and tries to plan her wedding for around the same time, do not sacrifice your plans in favor of hers. In other words, do not give so much time to being her maid of honor that you are not doing all of your planning.
In the meantime, tell her that traditionally, one gets engaged first before picking a wedding date, so maybe she could get that done before demanding that the world to revolve around her. As for you, your wedding is in October of 2009, so that time is no good for her. And congratulations!

Answer 2

If you have a lot of family traveling and you're really worried about THEIR expenses, you & your sister should get married the same day or the same weekend. One gets married Friday night, the other Saturday. Or one gets married Saturday morning and the other Saturday afternoon and then have a joint reception.

Otherwise, it doesn't matter if your weddings are a month apart or a year apart -- people still have to travel twice.

You've set your wedding date for more that two years in the future, so I don't think you have any right to ask your sister to do anything more than avoid the month of October 2009 if you don't want the weddings to be close to each other.

Personally, I think that since you got engaged first, your sister is offering you the chance to get married first by moving your wedding up a year. A year is plenty of time to save up for a very, very nice wedding. Maybe not EVERYthing you want, but all the important stuff.

And the Maid of Honor thing is just silly -- she'll help plan yours, you'll help plan hers. You'll both be doing two weddings, in a way. Sisters who get along can do that sort of thing for each other. Can't you try to think of it in positive terms?

Answer 3

Hi and congratulations on your engagement?

October of 2009 is far off so be prepared that you sister may want hers ahead of yours. You said that was fine with you. What is an appropriate time frame? Well, do you have LOTS of out of town family that would need to travel for both? If so, then I would definitely try to schedule them at least 6 months (or more) apart. That way, you wouldn't burden your out of town family. Any closer to that and you will have problems. I have read this on other wedding forums. If they are only a month apart, unfortunately out of town family may have to choose one or the other, which will cause hurt feelings all the way around. You have lots of leeway with your timing so sit down with your sister and make a plan! Good luck to both of you -- I hope you have a beautiful wedding!

Answer 4

Each one of you picks the date you want, you have to hammer out the details, like warring factions in countries. If helping each other plan weddings is too much hassle, forge an agreement that you are both on your own in planning.

If the weddings are close together in time that could lead to the guests having to make choices, but when families do this, this is what happens. If you and your sister can't work it out, there will be some difficulties.

However, it isn't going to kill anybody if all the guests can't attend both weddings. Life goes on.

Answer 5

There is no right answer, and if your sister was already aware of you October '09 date, then you should stick to you guns and get married when you want.

As for wedding spacing...my sister got married in September 02, my brother in April 03 and I got married in August 03. Oftentimes, people find themselves getting multiple gifts in any one year for friend's weddings as well as family weddings. The concern mostly would be the travel. Chances are if sister gets married in September, out of towners won't pay to travel to your wedding in October (which on the upside could save you on wedding costs.)

Answer 6

No, you are not being selfish. SHE is being selfish. You chose the date first so you should get it. Why is she waiting 2 years from now to get married? You are saving some money for the wedding, how about her? Is she saving some money too? Can she have it next year or the year after you? Is she your younger sister or older sister? If she is older then she can have it in 2008. If she is younger then she can have it in 2010.

Answer 7

You were the first to get engaged and to set a date. It is now up to her (should she actually become engaged in the near future) to set a different date of her own, unless you both agree to a double wedding. First come, first served.

As for MOH duty, it is an honor to be asked, but one may not be ordered to fill the role.

In any case, your sister has no specific plans to make until she is actually engaged. Tell her that your wedding date is your wedding date, and you'll be happy to discuss being in her wedding party once she has a wedding to plan.

Answer 8

My Fiance and I are getting married next May. His sister is getting married a month after me (in June). We knew it would be a small problem with out of town guests having to make 2 trips. So sadly they are having to chose which wedding to come to. That's okay with me and my Fiance. (less people I have to feed!) As far as gifts go, your guests will do what they can. They may have to give you and your sister 2 smaller gifts rather than each have one larger gift. They can make the necessary financial adjustments. I think that since my wedding is a month before my future SIL's then that's okay. Any closer and it would be even more stressful on my Fiance's family. =]

Answer 9

I would say go ahead with your plans, but obviously there will be conflict.
If you and your sister can't work it out, get the fiance's involved. Since there might be 2 weddings in the couple of years, it's possible her fiance is willing to work this stuff out.
You already have, if I'm assuming correctly, announced when your wedding will be. She is NOT even engaged, yet. Remind her of this.
Tell her when she actually get's engaged, that's when you should sit down and discuss this. In the meantime go ahead with your plans!

Answer 10

Here is the ettiquette. You pick the day that works best for you. Then your sister picks the day that works best for her. Note...she has every right to choose a day that is BEFORE your own wedding. You will have to choose which means more to you...having your wedding first, or having the wedding in Oct. 2009. It is wrong of you to expect her to have her wedding after your own if that is not when she wants to have it.