Have you ever rejected someone who was almost perfect, just not attractive enough?

Question

I've known this girl for almost 7 years now, and we've been good friends during that time. Back in high school I was her prom date (as a friend). We hung out a lot, we can make eachother laugh, etc.

There have been several people over the years who have mentioned that they think she "loves" me. Years after high school she told me she liked me, but always thought I wasn't interested so she didn't pursue it. Asking me to be her prom date was a way for us to go out together, she said.

Here is the problem though... while I think she's funny, enjoyable to be around, and is a nice person, I'm not particularly attracted to her.

Now she's not unattractive by any means. She's had a steady supply of boyfriends, always gets flirted with, and I have been floored by how good she's looked more than once. She is good looking, she's just not "my type".

Is it fair to reject her on that basis though? Without physical attraction I think I'd be looking elsewhere, and could end up hurting her.

Wow, quite a difference in the responses.

I want to mention that it's not attractiveness that I pursue, it's the entire person. I am extremely selective with people I get involved with because I'm not into flings. If I get into a relationship it's because I'm serious about it. For that reason I look for everything I'm attracted to - intelligence, humour, personality *and* appearance. Just being attractive isn't enough, it's only part of the equation for me.

Just wanted to mention that incase I came off seeming as if it's all I care about.

Answer 1

I've never personally rejected someone because of 'unattractiveness'; however, I think that's probably because for me it's not just looks that make someone attractive to me -- it's the whole enchilada. I've actually rejected a couple of very handsome men because they were unintelligent and I found them boring -- all they had was looks and I was not attracted to them at all...On the other hand, when I look back at my life, I was very attracted to a couple of guys who were not good looking at all in any physical way -- but they sure had it all going on! You are correct though, you can't force yourself to be 'attracted' to someone -- I think you actually feel bad that you feel this way because you can't even understand why she doesn't rock your boat! It sounds like you're almost disappointed because on paper -- she would make an excellent partner for you! You have to go with your gut though, because like you said, you risk hurting her if you try to force something that's just not there...I'm sort of sorry for you because I can tell you're not playing games...

Answer 2

Yes, You have a good reason of why you don't want to pursue your relationship. I Can see the reason why you are doing that is because you do care about her, But not all the way attracted to her. I say don't pursue it there is no point of you getting together you need the whole package i think that it is fair to say that it just wont work tell her you like her but you only see her as a friend. it can't be more.. Only a true friend will understand where you are coming from. and maybe in time youll see past what she doesn't have. and you'll only look skin deep... I say your more attracted to a persons heart then there looks well good luck

Answer 3

I dated a women that I did not find that attractive when I first met her. After getting to know her I thought she was the hottest thing around. You do need physical looks but that can only go so far. Eventually personality dictates their overall looks. Maybe it could be you just see her as nothing more than a friend and thats it. From what you decsribed there doesnt seem like there are deep feelings, just a very close friendship.

Answer 4

I am struggeling with something similar right now. We have not been good friends for years though. I love this girls humor and she's a blast to be around. She doesn't get uptight about things and I just simply enjoy being around her. She has never done or said anything that makes me know that we would not be good together. I'm not physically attracted to her though. I almost decided against dating her because of that. I finally decided that I can't just rule her out because of that and started dating her. So far things have gone well.

Answer 5

I totaly understand what you mean I was the same in highschool. This guy liked me and he was a wonderful guy but i could not be with him bc i was not attracted to him! well i moved on and found some one else over the years the relationship did not work this guy from high school of who i could not be with was the only one that could pick me back up and help me he loved me no matter how i looked i have since found out true love is blind and love cares NOTHING about looks!!! I am with him now and have been for awhile! His looks dont matter to me i love him the way i am and i am satisfide with him in ALL ways!

Answer 6

aw, well, if she's really not your type, then don't take the risk of taking it to the next level, and end up hurting her. you could lose a really good friendship too. it is fair to reject her, because you are staying true to what you want, but dont make things awkward between the two of you.

if you want to give her a chance, hang out with her more and now that you have a different perspective of her, maybe you'll start to really appreciate her personality and fall for her.

just be prepared of the possible risks your taking with each option.

Answer 7

I am more attracted to who a person is than what they look like. Of course I want to be attracted to them in some way. But I would not write someone off just because initially I was not physically attracted to them.

Answer 8

well i think so because you have to be absolutely head over heals attracted to someone to really love them. they may not be the typical beauty, but when you find that person you love, the attraction is unstoppable. i dated one guy for about 5 years and was never physically attracted to him but he had a great personality, he was funny and smart, even wealthy, but it just didn't work. then i met my boyfriend now and the moment i met him and felt the most intense feeling of attraction to him - i knew he was the one. he is so beautiful to me that even when we are tyring to fight, i cant be mad at him cause he looks so amazing. but really to be honest...im sure the outside world doesnt really see a huge difference between my ex and my boyfriend now. they are both equally nice looking to other people...but to me, my man now is the best looking, most attractive thing i have ever seen and it truly makes such a big difference. if you dont feel the intense need to touch them all the time and love on them...it could never work.

Answer 9

I think personal attraction is a big part of liking/loving someone. The fact that you've known her for 7 years is long enough to decide whether you're attracted to her or not. I would just stay friends. You don't want to lose that.

Answer 10

it's not fair by any means. "a type" shouldn't be restricting. it's just a combination of things you find most appealing and it doesn't mean you can't go for something different (yet also appealing) if you think she's attractive and you get along then why not date her? if you really can't stand looking at her (kidding!) or you don't think your attraction is strong enough, try not to be involved with her because it could be harder to be faithful..and that's already difficult!