My girlfriend says she's depressed? What do I do to make her happy?

Question

We've been together for 3 years through thick and thin, we've gone through a lot, we finished college together, and I recently bought a condo and am planning on asking her to marry me...but recently she told me she's been depressed for a long time, and it has nothing to do with me....she takes medication but all it does is make her all weird, like she won't talk to me when shes on her medication....I try taking her out and having a good time, she she says she's happy when she's with me, but she says in general she's depressed....I feel so bad, like maybe I'm doing something thats causing it? I want to help her, what can I do I really love her?

Answer 1

This is way too complex and too little information to give you a correct "shoot from the hip" type answer. There are many valid reasons for people to be depressed given the state of life and the world now. Family, personal, financial and many other problems can overwhelm people. It might even be caused by a vitamin or mineral deficiency. The fact that you say she is on medication indicates that she probably suffers from clinical depression rather than the more temporary type caused by environmental conditions.
The best advice is to go to the doctor, tell him the medication isn't working and try to get one that does. Also, don't watch the news. So many people cause much of their own depression by watching the problems of others and "internalizing" them. For example: I know several people who were depressed for months because they got involved with Scott and Lacy Peterson or that girl that went missing in Aruba. Every night they would tune in and get their dose of depressing news. You don't know those people and their problems are not part of your life - unless you let the news make it part of your life.

Answer 2

Depression isn't just about being sad, so there's really nothing you can do except to be supportive. It's really hard when someone you love is struggling with depression or any mental or physical illness. The most important thing to do is educate yourself. Be a pillar of strength for her and make sure she knows how much you love her.

Answer 3

Have a "what ever your girlfriends name is" day! Start out in the morning. Bring her breakfast. Send her flowers to work or to her house. If you are off that day go to her work and get her car and clean it out for her. Take her out that night to her favorite resturant and a movie of her choice, or to play putt putt (depending on where you live and what entertainment you have around you). Then afterwards, take her to a place where you can just sit and talk. Talking means a lot to women and if you have been together for 3 years, i am sure she has no problem talking to you.
As for making her happy, long term wise, that is something she is going to have to overcome herself. I am sure she is dealing with something in her life, just ask her about and tell her all you want to do is help. She trusts you or you wouldn't have been together through thick and thin!

Good Luck...
& let me know how it goes!

Answer 4

edited...

hi mick,
depression can be difficult to understand & deal with, especially when it is with someone who is close to you...

The good news is that this isn't your fault at all... not one little bit!
The bad news is that whatever you do might not help to lift your girlfriends depression... she needs proper professional treatment from a doctor.
The other good news is that you can definately make your gf's life bearable while she gets through this stage of her life, by giving her the unconditional support and love that she needs & deserves.

It will be hard for you because she might not be able to appreciate what you are doing for her... and she might not be able to recipricate the affection & enthusiasm that you show for her, because she is experiencing alot of difficult emotions.

It may look like she has a problem with you at the moment... but i promise you, that if you stick by her... she will recover and will love you all the more for being there for her during this difficult and dark time. It might take her a few weeks or months to get through this... but she will get through it.

my advice to you is to give your girlfriend loads of reassuring, unconditional support & pleanty of space if she needs it.
all she wants from you is for you to tell her that you love her, that you will support her while she goes through this, and that you dont expect anything of her.
you must let her know that it is ok for her to be depressed...
and that there is absolutely no pressure on her to do anything, to get better or to change in anyway.

But also find out everything that you can about depression.
She needs the best medical treatment.
She should have some councelling or therapy... they can be very helpful... talking to a trained professional can give her a chance to talk about her problems freely with out any fear of upsetting anyone or boring anyone (i know you are there for her, but you are not a trained professional and you dont have a deep insight into mental health)... they can also deal with any issues that she may have from the past, and teach her about coping mechanisms.

Ask her what medication she is on and research it... see if there are any better ones out there...
Ask her how she is feeling... get her to describe it all to you in fine detail (if she is comfortable with this)...
Imagine that you havent got a clue how she feels and ask her to tell you everything that she experiences... tune into her.
Never have any expectations, and never get impatient...
Let her know that she has your love, and all the time in the world that she needs to get better...

always tell her that she is a wonderful person...
with your support she definately will improve...
even if it takes a bit of time...
best of luck...
she is lucky to have such a caring boyfriend,
zag

Answer 5

she needs to be re-evaluated by a psychiatrist if her medications aren't doing the job, there are many others out there. She also needs to be in therapy, medications are only half the solution.
you can be supportive of her, and encourage her, but when it comes right down to it, she is the only one that can help herself. you cannot MAKE someone happy, you can only share your happiness with them and vice versa, happiness comes from inside oneself. In the same manner, you are not the cause of her depression. Encourage her to be re-evaluated for a different medication, and seek therapy to deal with the issues that are causing her depression.
Remember, she has to want to help herself to get better, you can't do that for her.

Answer 6

First and foremost IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Depression is a diesase, if this medication is not working she MUST go back to her doctor, there are other medications and perhaps some therapy may help. I am glad to hear that you are sticking by her, that can be the most important thing you can do to help her. Please persuade her to see the doctor again. And you keep your chin up, you sound like a hero to me. I'll send up some prayers for both of you. Good luck.

Answer 7

There is nothing you can do except stay away from doing things that make it worse. She's already told you that you aren't the problem. That, of course, also means you can't solve it. It's aggravating, I know. But, you can't fix something you didn't break.

Answer 8

I have some experience with this. Give her tons of space. What ever you do, don't push. let her know that you care for her but let her call you for a while. Now is not the time for a mate, right now she needs a friend who is willing to let her be on her own.

Answer 9

try talking to a doctor about this.
my sister used to have to take depression medicine and she was the exact same. it weared off after a while. so maybe you should wait and see. when she's on her medication tell her things that will make her happy, dont propose yet, wait until she is okay. thats all the advice i can give.. try talking to her doctor, maybe? they can always tell you whats wrong and what you should do.

Answer 10

Please follow my instructions & try to help your girlfriend.


Depression, Tension & Increase of will-power.



Increasing the will-power : Our mind has a great effect on these glands. For example, continuous fear damages the Pituitary gland and makes one timid. Similarly,tension and worry disturb the Pineal gland and so leads to high B.P. and as Pineal gland controls other glands it also disturbs other glands and digestive system. In modern times, strees-tension or worry-fear have increased and they often disturb these endocrine glands. If these endocrine glands are not treated immediately, it might lead to malfunctioning of other glands of the body. As these glands are interrelated, whenever one gland is disturbed, the other glands also get disturbed. So, when you press on the pointsof these endocrine glands you will feel pain on points of more than one gland especially in case of chronic diseases. Therefore, it is very improtant to give Acupressure treatment on all the endocrine glands and keep them under proper control.

These glands also control the mind (the will-power). So in order to get rid of bad habits like smoking, drinking, drug addiction or even overeating, it is extremely necessary to give treatment on all endocrine glands for at least, fifteen days. Because, these people lack the necessary will-power to give up bad habits, they often break their vows to stop such bad habits and so they are considered unreliable. However, a treatment of fifteen days will give them necessary will-power to stop these bad habits after that. And they will be free from the withdrawal symptoms of stopping these bad habits.

Nervous tension : In the modern days because of fast life and loss of contentment,nervous tension keeps on building up increasingly, tending to damage our mind and health.

How to find out : Ask the patient to lie down on the back and ask some one to press on the base of the middle toe in both the legs. If there is a hurting sensation,it means nervous tension. If the hurting is unbearable, it means that the person is on the verge of collapse and needs immediate attention.

C U R E : (1) While the patient is lying on the back, bend all the toes of both legs, backward. It may hurt but give little more pressure and bend them as much as possible. Repeat this three times a day till the tension is removed.

(2) Clasp your hands tightly interlocking the fingers. Then with left hand fingers press on the back of the right hand and then with right hand fingers, press on the back of the left hand. repeat for about 1 to 2 minutes, 3 to 4 times a day.

(3) Insomnia : The above mentioned treatment can be taken for 5 to 12 minutes at night in bed to ensure good sleep and cure insomnia.

(4) Take 2 glasess of gold/cilver/copper charged water reduced from 8 glasses of water daily.

(5) Kali Phos 1 m (a Biochemic medicine) : Take 8 pills in the eveining between 8 to 9 p.m. for 10 days, then once a week. After 10 days Kali Phos 12 x 4+4 pills every day. Complete course is of 45 days.