4 year old. He doesn't listen to anything i say....?

Question

My 4 year old doesn't listen to me he thinks everthing he does is funny or cute. I've tried everything.... He just started 4-K and he's been there a week and i already received the first bad call on him..... Please anyone with tips am a single mom and need to get him under control.........

ok for some of the answers, he is my second child, my oldest is actually very well behaved and i've been raising them both the same way.... I do spank he laughs at me for it. I've taken everything out of his room... he didn't care he also does not have adha But keep the answers comming i appreciate all of them

Answer 1

Set your boundaries, and give them clear lines. Discipline cosistently. any time you begin working on a new character issue, there will be resistance. You'll feel like all you ever do is correct and give spankings. If you stand firm, they eventually figure out that you really are serious and will begin to respect the boundaries.


Added note: The defiant child I mentioned in my source was also my second child. My first was extremely compliant. My second, however, refused to cry when I spanked her.... would turn around and say, "I love you Mommy" after swats with a wooden spoon. I, too, was raising her the same way as the first. Later realized that this was actually my critical error. No two kids are alike. Getting inside her head and figuring out what made her tick was a bit of a challenge. But I was determined.... she could lie to me very convincingly, would disobey everything, was the most strong-willed child I'd ever seen. At five years old, something clicked in her and it suddently became important to obey people in authority. (This is also about the time she received salvation... not sure which came first). Now, she is a very sweet 10-yr-old girl, who is known as a perfect student at school, rarely disobeys anything I say at home, and makes me very proud. Don't give up!!

BTW -- the book "Creative Correction" helped me a lot with this one.

Answer 2

How much of this brat's unruly behavior is your fault? YOU are the parents and are supposed to be the ones in control. If you are allowing her to get away with this kind of conduct now, what do you think your life is going to be like when she turns 12 years old and knocks your front teeth out? When she starts fights over certain toys, take the toy away from both children and don't return it for one week. When you give it back, get down on your knees so you can look her in the eyes and tell her that if she fights over it again, she doesn't get it back, EVER. You are adding fuel to the fire when you raise your voice; you never yell unless the house is on fire. The kid is just doing the same thing you are doing. I'm an old fashioned type of mother who KNOWS that spanking helps to right wrong behavior regardless of what the young "know it all" mothers tell you. My butt was spanked more times than I can count and I'm not brain damaged nor am I abused. Spanking is supposed to inflict a certain amount of pain, that's how you get her attention and help her to remember that bad behavior is going to cause her some pain. I don't want to hear any bullsheet about psychological damage. I am a Psychologist and I know that as long as there is no bruising, excessive spanking, or bloodshed, you will get her attention. When she starts her unruly behavior or disrespectful comments or kicking and throwing objects, stop her and force her to clean up the mess she made and apologize to you. This is where you have to remain the one in control and don't give her one inch to wiggle out of it. Congratulations on your pregnancy -- may you have an easy delivery and a very obedient son. God bless.

Answer 3

I also have a 4 yo that doesn't want to do what I say, so I understand completly. What I have found that works is to use time outs (standing in the corner or SITTING in the corner) along with a few spats on the bottom. BUT don't expect it to last for long, they do have short attention spans. I know you have heard it before, but being consistant is the key. Considering you are NOT a first time mother it shouldn't be that hard.

Best of Luck
From a mother of a 4 year old AND a 3 year old

Answer 4

Find the book "S.O.S. for parenting" (I'm pretty sure that's the name of it...if not its s.o.s. for parents) its an excellent book on parenting. Also, ADHD isn't the only condition that causes bad behavior. Consider taking your child to a psychologist. There are many reasons for a child to misbehave....something might be going on in his life that you don't know about...just because they are little doesn't mean that we know everything they are exposed to. Whatever you decide to do, always remember to be patient and never hit out of anger. I know that its hard but you are the adult. The way you respond to situations will teach him more than you can imagine. My oldest daughter had severe ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder....I would have gone insane without the help of her psychologist. If I hadn't taken her to see the psychologist, I wouldn't have learned the parenting skills that she now uses with her children.

Answer 5

Direct him by his arm. Try to spend more time with him.These might be 'signs' begging for attention. Being a single mother has to got to be hard..I give you all the credit for doing things on your own. All I can suggest is doing the time outs, stand in a corner, take toys away, try to talk to him. I'm a firm believer, that if a child needs a spanking....(not a beating), and just a spanking, then they need it. Try counseling at the school, try group play dates for him. This is a hard one! Good lucj though!

Answer 6

Is this your first child? Have you been in contact with any child previously?

If not, then I suggest that you meet moms who had or are having kids of same age as your son...discuss his behavior with them, because a lot of parents would get confused of what is a normal behavior of a child and what is naughty and not accepted.

Usually kids become naughty because parents don't pay attention to them unless they act bad...so he's getting your attention but by doing something bad...All what you need to do is to give him attention when he's doing something good (like drawing, or engaging queitly in an activity).

Use naughty chair/spot for 4 minutes for behaviors that involve harm to people/furnitures (breaking glass, etc).

I'm not sure if this is helpful...you may need to read more about parenting skills.

Answer 7

I agree with Jayda. Spanking a child for doing wrong things is not like beating the snot out of him. You are the parent, not him. You may think that he will hate you if you treat him this way, but I think he is calling out for more attention from you. I beat my kid's butts whenever it was called for. I love them, and they love me. I beat my grandson's butt if he doesn't stay in line. He loves me more than anyone. He always tells me that. Discipline him now or suffer the consequences later in life.

Answer 8

I agree Spanking a child for doing wrong things is not like beating the snot out of him. You are the parent, not him. You may think that he will hate you if you treat him this way, but I think he is calling out for more attention from you. I beat my kid's butts whenever it was called for.

Answer 9

some discipline is in order, if you don;t get control now, what are you going to do when is age 14 and 5 inches taller than you.

Not being ugly, but it seem that you do not follow thru with your threats. If you say you are going to take away his toys if he is bad. You need to take away the toys. Don't give in, kids know how to wear you down, and they will. Stick to your rules and mean what you say.

Answer 10

Keep him busy and occupied with activities and structure-discipline does not meet beat your child. Whoever suggested this earlier is dead wrong.

Children WANT dicipline and boundries. Consistency is key.
If you let him push buttons he is going to.