Bad or Good Idea, what do you think?

Question

My niece is getting married, her future husband is in the military. She wants to ask wedding guest to give money instead of a gift since they will be moving to another state and is unsure where the'll be living. Is this alright?

Answer 1

According to research, it's okay to ask for money as a wedding gift, however, it is extremely important to do so politely. Here are some suggestions:

If money is the gift you would most appreciate, get the word out to family and close friends.

If you are asked point blank what you would like, you might say, "Whatever you want to give us is wonderful, the choice is yours, but money is at the top of our wish list."


It's also a good idea to state the intended purpose. Perhaps you are saving for a down payment on a house or your honeymoon. Guests will then know how their gift may be used.


Indeed, monetary gifting is a preferred bridal gift among couples and guests alike. Post points out that wedding guests, too, often ask if money is an acceptable gift. In a word, Post replies: absolutely.


"With more second marriages and couples coming to the altar with established households, there's not as much need today for toasters, tumblers and table settings. For many couples, money makes an ideal gift," says Post. "And there are terrific options in monetary gifting today; guests should consider alternatives to cash and personal checks such as universal gift certificates. I like the American Express Gift Cheque, which comes attractively packaged in a gold envelope just as a present should be."


According to American Express Vice President Kristine Olson, the elegant presentation of Gift Cheques has a definite impact on the gift recipient.


"What we find with Gift Cheques is that there's a special, keepsake value unlike cash or personal checks. Couples actually hold onto Gift Cheques they receive until they find the exact, perfect thing they want to buy with them, whether they want to put it toward furnishing their house or even to help pay for their wedding," says Olson. "Conversely, couples are likely to put cash or personal checks into their wallets or bank accounts and unwittingly spend these wedding gifts on mundane expenses such as groceries or utility bills."

Verse 1
Your presence at our wedding is present enough!
But if we're honored with a gift from you,
may we respectfully request a gift of money
to help the dream of our new home come true!

Verse 2
We're dreaming of a honeymoon
and we hope our dreams come true...
if you helped us fund our trip
we'd be so grateful to you!

Verse 3
We have two of EVERYTHING because
joining lives means joining households, too!
So please don't give us another toaster --
a gift of money is what we'd appreciate from you!

Verse 4
We didn't register
We don't need more stuff
But when it comes to financial help
You can never have enough!

Verse 5
We have our hearts set on a trip to Hawaii,
We're saving every nickel and dime.
So if you aren't sure what to get for a wedding present
A gift of cash would be just divine!

Answer 2

I know that everybody gives wedding presents and everybody expects wedding presents, but the etiquette remains the same. Bridal couples -- along with adult birthday Kings & Queens, 50th Anniversary couples, and so on -- are supposed to pretend that they have no expectation of receiving gifts at all, that the idea of gifts had never crossed their mind, and that they'd be very surprised if anyone went to all the trouble getting them anything.

However, there is a workaround. You and your neice's other deputies call every home from which people have been invited ... to "confirm" the guest list, the food preferences, remind guests of something, whatever ... and in the course of this call, if they ASK for advice on what to give, THEN you can you suggest that they give money.

In short, the only polite way to tell them is if they ask, so you need to talk the person in that house who is going to not only ask, but tell everybody she knows too, you know? Be sly, girl!

Congrats & best wishes.

Answer 3

No, the bride and groom can't ask straight out for cash gifts, it's rude.

If she wants cash gifts over registry items, the best way is word of mouth. As her aunt, you can help pass the word. When a wedding guests asks you what the couple would like, you can say,

"well, I think they really would appreciate money for a home. I was talking to my neice last night (yes..you can lie) and she said homes in her new state are quite expensive. I really think they could use cash over gifts, especialy since her husband is in the miliatary. He's not making much money righ now, my sister/brother has been telling me thinks are tight for them."

Saying it this way makes it should less like you were coached into telling people to give cash too.

Answer 4

Unfortunately, no. Not all right. As you can see by the answers above mine, it's never okay to ask for money. Her best bet is to either register for gift cards (as Terri suggested) or NOT register at all - but make no mention of this.

It's appropriate for family member to help spread the word -- BUT ONLY IF SOMEONE DIRECTLY ASKS THEM. In other words, not okay for someone to call and tell guests "I don't know what you're planning to get Sue & Bob for their wedding, but...."

However if Aunt Bertha calls you and asks what to get them, it's appropriate then to say "Well, since Sue & Bob are going to be moving, I'm sure they'd REALLY appreciate money or a gift card..."

Even so, people will give whatever they decide to give. They'll probably still end up with gifts, but that's the guests' perogative. However, they'll probably end up with money any way. Most people give money for weddings as it is....

Answer 5

I think it's alright to ask that. I'm sure no one will be bothered by it, now they don't have to shop for a gift, just get a card and hit up the atm on the way to the wedding. My twin sis married a military man. She moved to mississippi after her wedding. Based on her experience so far, I'd say doing that would've helped. The money will help them more than the gifts will.

Answer 6

Ive seen the pitcher in the 6 or 7 spot last year where they were splitting the batting lineup into a two-headed monster. Preferably you want to also try to get a patient guy before your pitcher, maybe a guy will get some walks esspecially when teams want to go after the pitcher, so if the pitcher strikes out and you have a man on base with a good contact hitter coming up, it is worth a roll of the dice.

Answer 7

I would say bad ettiquette to ask. But she could get the word out by you and other family. For instance if someone asks you what you think she would want you could tell them. A lot of guest will give money anyway. Congrats to her on her wedding!

Answer 8

It depends upon the wording, I had a friend who was moving across the country a few days after their wedding and requested gift certificates instead of the actual present.

Answer 9

She should register at a store that will be in both states, and only register for gift cards. That way she can use it where ever she wants to, and I think with most places, the couple gets a discount when using gift cards, so they get more stuff anyway!

Answer 10

What she needs to do is NOT make a registry, or make one and only put gift cards on the registry. That way they'll see they are only asking for gift cards.

She should not indicate anything on any invitations.

She should only state it IF ASKED. If a relative/friend asks her about any registry or what they need, she can answer them. Just have her tell them (if they ask!) that they will be moving so they'd prefer gift cards over gifts.