Will spanking harm my children at all?

Question

sometimes i think it would do them more good than harm, but other times i have second thoughts about the matter. opnions?

Answer 1

The harm will come from allowing your children to rule your house, or get themselves into situations they shouldn't be in. Spanking is a necessary form of discipline that teaches a child that what they are doing is wrong. You can try other forms as well, but if spanking is working then keep doing it. If they don't want a spanking then they should learn to behave.

Answer 2

The problem with a spanking is it can escalate. As they get older a little swat with your hand is going to have little to no effect. So do you make it bare bottom, or do you pick up an implement? Wooden spoon, a hairbrush? What when that no longer works, a belt?

I don't think you ever want to rely solely on spanking as a method of disciplining a child. I also think that beyond the age of 5 it is almost completely redundant and other methods can be far more effective and far less problematic.

Some times in this parenting section you see parents talking about spanking teenagers. Well that's just ridiculous, and there simply has to be a better way.

I don't think you should ever take spanking off the table as a method of discipline available to you as a parent. But equally, you should never rely on it completely either. Consider positive reinforcement of good behavior, and ensure that bad behavior has negative consequences that are fair and consistent.

As a child gets older they need to realize that toys, TV, computers, games, nice food, candy, and money are all luxury items that are earned through respect, good behavior, getting good grades and doing chores.

If you let your children do whatever they want and occasionally spank them, the only message they will learn is that now and then you are going to hit them. Eventually this will become simply a mundane event that the child knows will happen to them from time to time. At this point, they are not really going to fear it, merely accept it as part of growing up. At that point, you are either going to have to choose a better method of discipline or up the stakes and start punishing in a more severe way. That's just not a sensible road to go down.

So in conclusion I think the occasional swat for a young child can be beneficial in setting boundaries and guidelines, but as the child gets old enough there are far more effective methods of discipline.

Answer 3

poor inconsistent parenting will cause them more harm than anything.

A spanking is just a tool to get their attention and add a reminder as to why they should think twice before misbehaving again.

You teach, expect and punish. Whatever punishment you use, use it consistently. Spanking works great if its used properly, and for some children, and some families, it works better than a time out.

On the flip side, a spanking dealt out because a parent is exasperated or angry only does harm. If you cant spank your child with a cool tone, a firm hand and two swats without your adrenaline rushing, you're donig something wrong.

Also, if you're spanking all day long, you're not teaching them correctly first, and youre not remaining consistent.

Personally I am a firm believer in the power of a spanking, when coupled with reason, and control and consistency.

Answer 4

Well, I'm opposed to it firstly because I think it sends the wrong message, secondly because it doesn't address the actual issue, and thirdly because there are more efficient ways of doing it.

Kids aren't stupid. If you smack Junior for doing something wrong, he's going to notice that you don't do the same to someone else who breaks a house rule or gets you ticked. If it's never acceptable to hit someone, it's never acceptable. End of story.

Second, if you want to fix a problem, you treat the cause, not the symptom. If I'm tired because I have the flu and can't sleep, the answer isn't to give me energy drinks. You have to look objectively at the situation and figure out what it was that made your kid break the rule in the first place.

The punishment should fit the crime and not be based around humiliation, but ensuring that it doesn't happen again so further punishment isn't needed. If your kid is willfully breaking major rules, then you have a bigger issue but your typical kid just wants to please his parents, and have their love and respect. That's why toddlers always go on about being a 'big boy' or 'big girl'; they want to be like you.

What's going to get an actual effect, and is ultimately more powerful than a spanking, is making your kid own up to the consequences of his actions. If he breaks a playmate's toy, he has to deal with it. Withholding approval is the most devastating thing.

When my dad was a kid, he shot his BB gun at another boy and hit him just on the outside corner of his eye. He ran home, afraid. The other kid's parents called his dad, and his dad took what I think is the right course. He could have smacked my dad. He could have yelled at him. He could have dragged him by the ear to the other kid's house and made him apologize. But he didn't. He sat my dad down and said, "I know what you did, and I know that you know it was stupid, and that it was wrong. Now, I'm leaving this in your hands to deal with it. I hope, and trust, that you know what to do."

That has stuck in my father's head for decades. If he'd been spanked or something like that, he would have sullenly gone over to the other kid's house, muttered that he was sorry and gone and sulked in his room.

However, he actually had to confront the situation himself, and is a better person for it.

And if nothing else, hitting a three-year old because he made you angry is, in my book, despicably low.

Answer 5

I use spanking when there is no other alternitive. If saying a firm "no" several times and then a time-out or redirecting doesn't work. You just have to be careful so not to give them the impression that it is ok to hit people. Discipline is good and some children only respond to spanking. Just don't over-do it. If there is alot of anger behind the spanking, you could hurt your child without realizing what you are doing.

Answer 6

I dont think (personal opinion) that a light spanking would hurt. There is a big difference between spanking and beating. I should also say that spanking (in my experience) doesnt help iether. They just get used to it and it doesnt do any good. Time out works much better for us. The hard thing is when they just start getting up, you have to stick to it and keep putting them back in the chair untill time is up. We get a timer and set it for 1 minute for every year in age they are.

Answer 7

It is a personal choice you have to make - sometimes a spank might be just what they need to remember not to run in busy parking lots, but a time out might be better for teaching them not to hit there brother...

you will have to decide what works for you and your family..personally we only use spanking when its not optional to do something else, like a swat on the hand when our daughter reaches for a candle...or the stove or for the knife you are using to cut up her lunch...


good luck dont agonize over it too much, children are more resilient then people give them credit for

Answer 8

Let's put it this way... it's a parent's choice on how to punish a child. Naturally, you aren't going to abuse the child as punishment, that is wrong.

Some parents use time-outs. For us, that was not helpful in the least bit. For others, it works.

I was spanked as a child, as were my siblings. We weren't beaten. We aren't at all psychologically nor physically damaged by the spankings. We're "normal", well-adjusted adults. :)

My husband and I spank our kids. A simple swat or two on the bottom is effective for us. The kids aren't being harmed by it.

Answer 9

I spanked acording to their age and eventually with other parenting techniques you wont need to do it any more. What Imean byspanking is a smack onthe hand or bottom, a pop on the diaper tells them its a no no along with the words of course. And Im talking not infants so no one get all weird on me,lol. I never spanked with the intent to cause pain it was more a symbol that they were doing wrong. After say ummm 4 spanking is too iffy and I cant cause pain and with mine i didnt have cause to spank talking and such worked just fine.

Answer 10

spanking WILL NOT harm your children at all. I was spanked when i was a kid and i am not violent or go around breaking the law. It is when you put marks on them for days at at time and get abusive, that is when it will harm them.