My fiance' is a nut. He insists on having 9 men stand on his side. He said they are all his best friends and he wouldn't be able to cut any of them out. To make matters worse, he said he can't choose a best man. Instead he is referring to them as a covenant of best men. I do not feel like throwing people in our wedding just to make the sides even. I know they don't have to be even, but I only have about 4 girls that I would truly want to be in my wedding. What do I do because it doesn't seem like he is budging. Thanks for all of the great ideas...
2007-08-27 06:59:22 · 27 answers · asked by mally_pie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I say if he wants nine and you want four, then that's what you should have. You can have two groomsmen escort each bridesmaid down the aisle, and the extra groomsmen can maybe escort one of the mothers or grandmothers. I wouldn't worry about the pictures being uneven b/c the photographer can arrange it so that it's not posed as all girls on left and guys on right, but instead maybe 4 guys and 2 girls on each side. I think that would look more even anyway. As for the best man, the only official thing you need a "best man" for is as a witness to sign the marriage license. If your fiance still doesn't feel comfortable chosing someone for that, then he can just have his father or another neutral person do it. Just about anyone can serve as a "witness" for your marriage license. Don't stress about it. You're barely going to remember who is even in your wedding in years to come. Anyway, you have much more left to stress about besides the bridal party (guest list, favors, and of course the dreaded seating chart). Just be sure to have fun!
Congratulations & Good Luck!
2007-08-27 08:40:10 · answer #1 · answered by BostonBabe 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Let him have his nine guys, have your four girls, and don't panic about it.
Yes, it will look pretty lopsided at the altar, but what's more important? The visual or being surrounded by the people who mean the most to you?
Don't try to make him budge. Don't bother budging yourself. The people who love you will understand and anyone else...well, does it really matter what they think of it?
Relax and enjoy the fact that your guy is of a friendly and egalitarian nature. That insistance on friendship over visuals is probably a big part of why you chose him in the first place. Let him express it.
And don't let anyone bully you into having people you don't want at that altar on your side. You want the people you love there, not just enough random people to even out sides.
Bridal attendants aren't like animals in Noah's ark. They don't have to be equally matched, two by two. Your officient will help you organize attractive ways to get them in and out of the ceremony, your photographer will be able to pose them so it all looks good, and you and your guy will both have had your way.
Best of luck and all happiness to you and your guy. Keep your priorities straight, and you'll have a wonderful marriage.
2007-08-27 14:20:40 · answer #2 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, if this question were asked the other way around (the bride wanted nine while the groom wanted four), there would be a flood of "it's YOUR wedding, have nine girls if you want to". Well, it's your fiance's wedding, too. And, if he really can't choose among his nine close friends, why should he have to? He can have nine best men, and you can have a maid of honor and three bridesmaids. As you recognized, the sides don't have to be even.
What's the big deal? If he has nine good friends, and they are all willing to rent tuxes and stand by their friend on his big day, why would you want to stop it?
2007-08-27 15:46:23 · answer #3 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I recently saw in magazine a bridal party that consisted of 20-something attendants! Now THAT is too much. What kind of honor is it to be in someone's wedding if everyone they ever met is included? Having said that, I don't think 9 is too many, it's your fiance's day too, despite the common thought that it's "all about the bride." However, I would not just add random people as bridesmaids to balance things. It's fine to have different numbers of attendants. Since he's not choosing one best man, you don't really have to have a maid of honor, they could all be bridesmaids or "honor attendants." Good luck, and let your man have his way on this one.
2007-08-27 16:52:07 · answer #4 · answered by sunflower 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sit down with him and let him know that the four girls you have standing for you are the colsest to you and you can't think of anyone you would want to share this day with you. Ask him to pick the four closest to him that will stand at the alter with you while the other five are ushers, handing out programs and bubbles, or doing a reading. There are a lot of ways for your man to incorporate all his friends into the wedding without making things uneven at the alter.
Good Luck
2007-08-27 14:26:46 · answer #5 · answered by Jenn L 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your fiance is planning on having 9 men on his side and they all are his best friends at least one of them must be special to him, but he doesn't want to hurt any ones feelings.
He cant choose his best man either wow, Well someone has got to bend to make this special day perfect, i know that you don't just want to throw people into your wedding. Think about this if you to really love one another than you will work it out but remember in marriage its all about compromising.
do wht makes you both happy
Best of luck
2007-08-27 14:09:48 · answer #6 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think I know what you are going through, last year my husband and i got married we had a huge bridal party since both come from large families.
But we had to compromise because the list was just getting out of hand. Try and talk to him again. Let him know that ist is not htat you don't want the guys to be a part of the wedding but having a large number in the the bridal will be costly. Tell him to consider the limo (the large te limo the more it cost), the bigger the bridal party(the longer it takes to organize eg tuxedos, shoes and thankyou gifts.).
If he still insist, tell him that you only have four bridemaids and maybe when he explains this to his friends you will pair them with one another (I am sure they will back out without you asking).
2007-08-27 14:32:24 · answer #7 · answered by heartbroken 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My vote is, let him have his entire posse if that's what he wants.There's nothing wrong with having some of the groomsmen walk down the aisle together instead of having each one paired with a bridesmaid. In today's day and age, people do whatever they feel comfortable with at their weddings. Your family and friends at the wedding will understand and probably find it moving. It may even add to how memorable your wedding is for everyone! I imagine the toasting would be particularly fun and inventive.
2007-08-27 14:06:15 · answer #8 · answered by mycathouse 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
O good lord- brother or relative should be the best man... or heck- how about they all pull numbers out of a darn hat. You need only 1 man to sign the witness spot, not all 9 of them.
Can't he make two of them ushers?
We have 6 because of me- couldn't cut out any girls!
Depends on how many people you are having at your wedding- 200 people, 9 groomsman might be OK but if you are only having 50 people- it's a little much.
2007-08-27 14:05:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
I have seen weddings that the bride chose not to have any woman in the bridal party and it was all men...let it be uneven if you don't mind the unbalacne in photos or stagger the men and women when they are standing at the alter instead of the men on his side the women on yours, same with the table at the reception...
male/male/male/female/male/female ..bride/groom..male/female/male/female/male/male/male
2007-08-27 14:11:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋