There is this girl that i used to work with for about 4-5 months minus 2 because i left to have a baby for 2. She sent me a myspace message asking me to be in her wedding. I dont want to because i dont feel like i know her that well. not well enough to be in her wedding. but i dont want to hurt her feelings. How should i tell her that i cant be in the wedding?
2007-08-27 06:40:09 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Please-- don't suck it up and be in the wedding. Let her know something like this (this is true for me, may be for you as well)...
"I take being in someone's bridal party very seriously -- to me, it is an investment in their life, family and marriage. While I do appreciate our friendship now -- I don't feel like I have the time spent with you to do this..."
OR--
"We have a family reunion that weekend.... I'm so sorry. Please let me know when your shower is. (Then make sure you get out of town)...
OR--
I don't have the resources it takes to be in a bridal party right now (time, money, etc.). Please let me know when your shower is; I'd love to come! I can't wait to see you on your big day.
I think something like this is tactful. Please don't suck it up when you really don't want to do it and don't care about her as more than a work friend. You would essentially be spending a lot of money to be artificial and serve as a decoration on her "big day."
And I don't think it's tacky to decline. It is tacky to ask someone that you don't know that well -- she's probably just looking for the appearance, or she probably appreciates your personality, but does that mean you have to be in her wedding???
Good luck. I hope she can accept this maturely.
2007-08-27 07:01:52 · answer #1 · answered by mj 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What kind of a wedding is it? A huge formal affair, or just some quick vows by the Justice of the Peace followed by a pub crawl? The latter you can do with few strings attached, but more likely it is somewhere in between. She must have some reason for asking you, either she has few family and friends, or she thinks you're enough of a sap to be manipulated into standing up for her. Look at how much what should be an easy turndown has done to you up to this point. Grow or borrow a pair for the moment, and tell her no if that is what YOU want because you feel that way, not because of guilt.
Just a quick point to other answerers, Please know the difference between being IN a wedding and being AT a wedding before you answer. And if you don't know the time, emotional nad financial commitments involved in being a bridesmaid, you probably shouldn't give advise here either.
2007-08-27 13:55:57 · answer #2 · answered by Jumpin' Catfish 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just tell her you'd love to be in the wedding but you have a prior engagement so you won't be able to attend. Although why are you so against being in her wedding? I think it would be fun even if you didn't know her that well. Plus don't you feel kind of sorry for her that she doesn't have enough people to ask and she didn't even feel close enough to call you on the phone and ask you? She probably doesn't have a lot of close friends, but if you really don't want to be there than just tell her you're busy.
2007-08-27 13:47:44 · answer #3 · answered by Mel 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Um... myspace? How personal!! Just email back and explain that you can't do it. You don't need a long drawn out excuse- make something up if you don't want to hurt her feelings- like your in a wedding for an old high school friend.... and you can't possible due two weddings.
2007-08-27 14:00:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you don't care that she will probably be upset and in turn not invite you at all:
I agree with the possible baby explanation, but your best bet is probably to say it with as few words as possible.
"Thank you for thinking of me to participate in your wedding, however, I am just not able to commit to being part of the wedding part."
If you do care about this girl and want to be included in her special day, you might need to suck it up and agree, or come up with really good excuses like the new baby (maybe you haven't lost all the baby-weight and you would be uncomfortable in front of all the people) and the cost that accepting would involve (new babies are expensive!).
2007-08-27 13:49:34 · answer #5 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Send her a message back and say that you really don't have the time or the money to commit to being a good bridesmaid, but thanks for the offer and you look forward to being a guest at the wedding.
Seriously, don't feel bad. She asked via myspace!!!
2007-08-27 13:44:29 · answer #6 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 8⤊ 0⤋
You are in luck because you just had a baby! All you have to do is write her back very nicely and say how touched you are that she wants you in her wedding, but now that you have your little one it's just going to be too difficult for you to pull it off. Again thank her for asking and that's it! Your home free :)
2007-08-27 13:43:49 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 13⤊ 0⤋
Fib. Okay she must not have many friends and you don't want to hurt her feelings, so a small lie is okay in a situation like this.
Don't be vague about your excuse. It sounds like she may be the type to find it hard to accept your answer and will bug you about it non stop.
2007-08-27 13:56:04 · answer #8 · answered by Tilly 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i would just make-up an excuse. Tell her thank you for the thought and you appreciate her thinking about you but you can't because of work, your new baby, money short...the possibilites are endless. So just be thankful for the offer and turn he down.
2007-08-27 13:46:51 · answer #9 · answered by Babe 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you're very honored to be asked, but that you're afraid you have so much going on in your life right now that you couldn't give the job the attention it deserves.
2007-08-27 17:33:08 · answer #10 · answered by Bill 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋