How many ask their pre-schooler "okay?"?

Question

We just spent the weekend with a little girl (almost 4) - and I was amazed that the parents allow her to run their house.

Is it common practice for parents to end sentences with "okay?"

"We're going to eat lunch now - okay?"

"First we have to run some errands, and then we'll get you a toy - okay?

It's time for a nap - okay?"

I don't get it. Why do parents ask their kid's permission to do things? I understand that there is a time and place for kids to make decisions i.e. "Would you like to watch cartoons right now -or go for a swim?" But - do most parents allow their pre-schoolers to decide what the schedule of the house will be?

Do any of you do this? (ask - "Okay?") Or know somebody who does it? Does it serve some purpose - or are the parents just unaware of what they are doing?

Answer 1

I have caught myself doing this on occassion. It's completely unintentional when I do it & I try not to. As you said, there are appropriate times for giving a child choices, but they should not be in charge of the minute-by-minute scheduling of tasks.

I think other parents are just afraid to cause any sort of riff in the house and feel it's easier to let the child make decisions rather than upsetting the child in any way at any time. They likely don't realize they are making things harder on themselves, rather than easier. That behavior and attitude will catch up with them down the road when they are left with an unreasonable, spoiled brat of a child.

Answer 2

They will find out once the toddler reaches 6 or 7 that it is the child, not the parent, who is 'boss'.

My two tried this (they had the 'okay' treatment from mom) with me.
I do not ask a child for permission.
I do not ask a child to do things.
I tell the child to do something and it gets done or there are repercussions for the child.
My two know this therefore when _I_ say something, it happens. When mom asks them to do something, that thing does not get done. She will also ask them if the task was done and accept their lies that it was accomplished.
I check and they know it, so when I tell them to do a thing, it does happen.

Answer 3

Well I do give my kids choices but when it comes to things like meals, needing to run errands its not a choice. Even at 4 they need choices but not to run the entire house! Like choosing between swimming and cartoons to me is not a big deal. I also make my kids do things like clean and if they don't we won't do an activity like swimming so they make the choice because that is how the world works. Of course they need boundaries and rules and should not be a choice as to everything they get to do. I never known anyone to ask their child if its okay after everything they tell them.

Answer 4

It can serve *some* purpose, to help toddlers feel in control of their lives and practice making choices. But parents need to be careful to only offer the option where there IS a choice.

"We're eating lunch now, and then it's nap time." -- is not a choice situation

"Would you like to play ball after lunch, or go to the swingset?" -- is a choice situation

Parents can be "trained" by tantrums to try to avoid them by giving in too much to the child. There's a fine line between promoting choice and responsibility, and too much freedom.

Answer 5

Err!!
I think the parents are just trying to keep a tantrum at bay. It is giving too much authority to the child.
What if she says "No!!!"??
By saying "Okay?" they are openingly asking her for permission.
I was a nanny for a preschool age child and an infant. I never once ended any statement with "ok"
I was the one in charge, I made the rules.
I wasn't ever harsh or used mean tones, but I didn't have to.
I would say "We are going to leave the park in 15 minutes."
HER reply would be "okay."
I left no room for arguements.
It sickens me to see parents allowing their children to run the show!!

Answer 6

According to the Food Pyramid Chart, a serving size is one teaspoon per year of age for the child: 4 year old= 4 teaspoons of each item on their plate 1 year old= 1 teaspoon of each item on their plate

Answer 7

It sounds like a good way to get the child to feel involved. Prolly most of the time, the child responded positively, and if they said no, you could take a moment to find out their grievances w/ the matter. This is a wonderful opportunity to really know your child -
as long as the child understands the parents have the final say, such as taking a nap! Most kids don't want to do that!
But, i don't even have my own kids, and I know I've made things a question out of habit...dunno why, but I naturally want affirmation from the child I'm watching.
Sometimes, it may be more "do you understand" than "are you cool w/ this plan?"

Answer 8

Sure, I've seen loads of parents do this. A lot of parents are afraid of their kids-god forbid we should upset them!

At my house, I tell, not ask. Then, when they do get a choice (because it is good for kids to have a voice at times), they take it seriously and really enjoy having theri say.

Drives me nuts to witness the kowtowing that people do to their kids-it does the kids NO favors in real life preparation, IMHO.

Answer 9

Just because they say "okay?" right after does not mean they are asking their daughters permission. I would think they say it because they want their child to respond and show she understands by replying. It does not sound like they are letting their preschooler decide what the schedule of the house is. It sounds like they want to know she understands what they just told her.

Answer 10

It's not asking, it's more like, do you hear me and understand what I am saying? If it were a question, I phrase is like, do you want to nap?.... No child should ever be able to run the house.... EVER!!!