What do you think I should say?

Question

My friend lives next door to me. We now have an arrangement where she babysits my children once a week for 1-2 hours while I go to class, just until my husband get home from work. For this favor she asked $8 an hour. When I do favors for her I get no reimbursement (giving her rides, watching her dog while she vacations, lending her textbooks etc).

She has decided that she doesn't want to go back to her work-study this semester so she has a lot of free time on her hands now. She has asked if she could babysit my children on Tuesday and Thursdays while I am in class. I currently take them to a daycare center. She says she could use the money, plus this way she can "do her homework and stuff" while babysitting which she couldn't do at her work.
My problem is that when she babysits she is rarely on time, thus making me late. She also does things like asking for their carseats so she can run errands and grocery shop etc. She sometimes takes them to her house so she can cook and clean.

The daycare that I have the kids in is a very nice one and they can be with other kids and have caregivers 100% focused on them. I'm kind of insulted that she thinks I should pay her to watch my kids so she doesn't have to go back to work and she can do her homework and errands etc and get paid. I feel that she is now waiting on an answer from me and will be upset if I don't let her babysit. How do I tell her that I don't think that her idea of "babysitting" is what I want for my kids? Also, would you continue to let her babysit once a week or should I switch to someone else for that 1-2 hour time period? am I being unreasonable to feel that she shouldn't have asked for that much money for the 1-2 horus weekly, and that she should just watch my kids and nothing else when I'm paying her to babysit?

Actually my children only go to daycare for 8 hours a week, I pay hourly at the daycare. It's the licensed daycare on our military base. I'm a stay at home mom but full time student so the kids only need a babysitter when I'm in class.

Answer 1

I would find someone else sounds like she is just trying to find an easy way to make money at your expense!And what about the safety of you kids when she takes them places? NO WAY would I let her drag my kids around like that. The daycare is a better way for your kids to social interaction and enough caregivers to keep a eye on the kids! Tell her you too would like a job that you could do all your personal errands and get paid! Tell her you want 100% of her time shes being paid to watch the kids spent WATCHING THE KIDS! Her personal time is for her.

Answer 2

You should follow your first mind. She seems to have too much going on to be able to give your children the attention and care that I'm sure you would like for them to have whild out of your care. Tell her that you and your husband talked about it and that you both agreed that the kids should remain in daycare because there are more learning opportunities there and other children for them to play with and you feel they would be happier there, rather than being with her at the grocery store or where ever she is running around. Of course it can be put in a nice way. You might even mention the lateness being a factor. If she gets upset with you because you are looking out for the well being of your children, then she's not a very good friend. Good Luck with this one. Hope it works out.

Answer 3

It seems that she's using you not just for the money, but for more than what you let her get away with. I feel she's taking advantage of your friendship by asking you to do these favors for her, meanwhile, it's only benefitting her- babysitting your children, (that you must pay for) in exchange for carseats, and whatever else she needs done. In reality, she's the one who doesn't want to work, and is counting on you for $$- her excuse? So she can do her assignments/errands better? If she's doing all this, then it means, she's not being very attentive to your children, which is what you're paying her for- so I think it's best if you let her know that you'd feel much safer if your children is supervised closely at the day care (or by someone else). It's really not your responsibility to take care of her financial situation, while still being able to do her assignments for school. In this case, maybe it's best to set aside your friendship, and focus on the more important part- your children and their safety...

Hope this helped. Good luck.

Answer 4

Are you talking about $32 a week? How old are your kids? I'd get their input on which caregiver they prefer. It seems as though there might be more variety of playthings and the chance to play with friends at the daycare. Also, it seems as though there is a concern that your neighbor may be doing her own things and not as attentive to your kids. Ask your kids what they've done- does your neighbor play with your kids or is she there in the background only? If you do decide to leave your kids with the neighbor, stress that you must leave by a specified time in order for you to make it to your class on time. If she's late 1-2 times- you need to go back to the daycare.

Answer 5

personality clashes aside, ya gotta do whats best for your kids.
I wish we could help each other out, but the kids are settled into the daycare and I believe consistancy is very important for them.

If you don't mind giving her an hour or two and you think the kids are okay, once or twice a week is okay, but it sounds like she asks for too much and you are concerned about the care they will get.
You aren't her employer, and you'd probably get better care from a dedicated 12 or 13 year old anyway.
man what a mooch no wonder your stressed. Well honey, friends come and go but you are their mommy forever
stick to not changing there routine if she doesn't respect your parental desicions, she isn't going to last as a friend anyway

Answer 6

I think if you are happy with the daycare they are going to you should leave them there. What makes them happier. They can learn at day cares and they will be on a schedule. It sounds like they will be getting little attention if she is studying. So if you are paying someone to take care of your babies let it be the best person. That's hard to say about paying her, I can see you doing it if she is babysitting more but she shouldn't charge you for a few hours here and there.

Answer 7

Leave them in daycare. I am assuming your children are pre-school age and younger based on your details. Tell her that they have great pre-school school program and they would not benefit from it if they were not there on those days. Mention how the structured environment is beneficial to them and that they need the socialization to be ready for pre-school/kindergarten.

You could also say that you get a great "discount" for 5 days versus 3 and it would cost you A LOT more to put them with her, which honestly may be true. Most have 3-day and 5-day packages that make it more cost-effective to go ahead with the entire 5 days. With day-care you don't usually pay "by the hour" rather you pay for a set quantity of time during their "open" hours whenever you may need it.

Answer 8

No, for the sake of the friendship and quality care, I'd say "no, the kids like their daycare and I'd rather keep them in a school environment where they can interact with other kids." You owe her no further explanation or debate on the topic. She's looking for easy money. A paid caregiver should not have the kids tag-a-long as she goes about her day.

Answer 9

If it were me I would leave them in daycare. Sounds like you have to pay anyway. In daycare they are not at as much risk of being hurt as they are not going shopping, etc. You do not say if your children seem happy with her. I would also tell her that since you help her that maybe you could trade or barter services $ for $. . .this friendship seems unbalanced. While friendship is give and take sounds like she is taking. Also make sure her interests in caring for your children is only monitary gain. You do not say how old your children are and I don't know how long you have know her and would NEVER accuse anyone falsely but having working in child protection always know who is caring for your children and their motive and desire for doing so.

Answer 10

It doesn't sound like she is very reliable. If you are uncomfortable at all, I would just tell her that you need something more constant so you are taking them back to daycare. It almost sounds like she is not really watching them, but doing other things instead. At the day care center they would be getting played w/ having interaction.
If you trust her & your kids enjoy going there, just lay down some ground rules, like she needs to stay either at her house or your house, she has to be on time etc.