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For those of you that have this in your past what has helped or what helps you live in this world despite such a painful past? I often feel I am just existing, not really living. There are some memories that I am afraid to explore. I have been in therapy, on meds and I journal. I used to exercise but I am to depressed to do so now. The thought of going back to therapy or groups utterly exhausts me. I feel burned out of therapy.
Therapy just frustrates me. I just want to roll my eyes and throw up my hands when a therapist says that the abuse is not my fault. I get that. It doesn't help hearing that. There just has to be something else besides therapy to help me heal! Let me know what works for you. Thanks.

2007-08-27 05:46:50 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health Mental Health

10 answers

Confronting the abuser!! I mean a real true confrontation. No holds barred. It may be uncomfortable, scary, give you anxiety or a panic attack, but once you are able to say exactly how you feel, it's like a weight off your shoulders. After the confrontation you may be able to handle therapy better.

2007-08-27 05:57:49 · answer #1 · answered by mrsdeli 6 · 1 1

I was there.

Therapist after therapist...Feeling as though I would never be happy.

There are a few things you can try-

The Joyful Heart Foundation has retreats for survivors, just go to http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/ and look under programs.

I've never been one one of theirs but I hear they do wonderful work.

I went on a Weekend of Recovery with malesurvivor.org and that turned my life around. The most helpful exercise was writing a letter from the 'little us' to the 'big us'. Kind of like our inner child writing to our grown up selves... I rolled my eyes too at first. The catch was to use the non-dominant hand to do the writing so it comes out like a child's, but be warned, you can really tap into emotions this way and you may feel a little overwhelmed.

And lastly, perhaps you haven't found the right therapist. Although this article is geared towards men, the strategies in shopping for a therapist hold true for everyone. http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer1.html

Remember 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men were sexually abused. You are not alone and what you are feeling, although painful, is normal.

If you told me six years ago I would ever be happy I would have said no way. Now I'm the happiest person I know, and if I can do it anyone can.

PS www.rainn.org is a good site too.

Good luck!

2007-08-29 21:18:54 · answer #2 · answered by Curtis 3 · 0 0

I did not go to therapy or anything like that. The more I talked about it the more I was living in the past. It is not the past anymore and the abuse is no longer. I now live each day to the fullest. I have goals that I have made for myself and try my best to reach them. There is no use in dwelling what did happen but doing all you can to control what will happen. I work out a lot ...i am married and have 2 beautiful children. We are closing on a house in a week....so those were just a few of my goals...trust me....think positive and positive things will happen. If you keep thinking negatively...you will give out a negative vibe and things will be depressing all the time. I read a book called the secret. You might want to look into it. It helped me out a whole bunch. Good luck and im sorry you had to go through it too.

2007-08-27 12:56:43 · answer #3 · answered by JesseNevaehsMommy 3 · 1 0

I'm no professional and I certainly have not had similar experiences, but I do know that dealing with any kind of emotional pain is a matter of taking control of your own self. What works for me is to really meditate on the whole meaning of life. This does not have to be a sit down and close your eyes, count back from 10, relax your body etc etc kind of thing. This is a constant thought process that you should have throughout the day.

Whatever your religion is, or what your thoughts on creation are, it does not matter. Whether you believe in God or not, and no matter where you came from, I assure you that your puropose in this life is to enjoy it as much as possible. What happened in the past happened in the PAST. That's it. It happened. You can't take it back, you can't make it not happen. There are many things in life that we suffer from, both in the past and present, that we cannot change.

What is the point of being depressed about this abuse now? Getting depressed is only extending the abuse into the present. You don't need that. Stop thinking about how you wish it didn't happen, or how bad it was. Tell yourself, "yes, it happened, that's the fact, time to move on." Start concentrating, every single day, on things that you enjoy. Goals you want to achieve, things that are fun.
If you find yourself depressed because of what happened and because you feel your life is empty, it's ok to consciously tell yourself to stop! Be strong with yourself, don't let it take control. You don't have to let it affect you anymore. Your life is not empty unless you don't do anything with it. You said you exercised before. Why stop?

You say these thoughts are hard to explore. I can understand it is tough, but consider it this way. There is no reason to be ashamed of it. Lots of people do weird things like abuse others. Humans have faults and there is always a history that leads someone to be abusive. There is good in everyone if you can explore WHY someone is bad. The best (and hardest) thing would be to forgive this person. Maybe not to his/her face, but to yourself. "It's ok, I was abused, it's over and I can move on, it was a fact of life." Sounds ridiculous, and difficult, but it works. After that, you won't be angry that it happened, it won't hurt as bad to think about it, and you won't need to worry anymore. You can be done with it and start thinking about today instead of the past.

2007-08-27 13:06:21 · answer #4 · answered by agarovoy 3 · 1 0

I do not want to sound cruel but if you feel you have exhausted the therapy route then go forwards instead of backwards. I am not at all trying to diminish what you have suffered but the past cannot be undone. Same with a broken heart. Life still goes on and you seem to have some insight now. Dwelling on it is like a cancer that grows. You will never forget it but move on to some good things now.

2007-08-27 13:13:03 · answer #5 · answered by lighthousecastle 4 · 2 0

well, I too had a traumatic childhood due to sexual abuse, and I carried that emotional baggage around with me for years. Like you I got frustrated with therapists, because while they were very good at helping me sort the issues, they were lousy at any constructive advice on how to deal with it. Then I found a program that is very simple, very precise and actually worked to help me unload all that emotional baggage, to get rid of it for good and now I lead a very happy and contented life. Email me, I'll tell you more if you are interested.

2007-08-27 12:54:55 · answer #6 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 1 0

im there right now. i was abused 12 yrs ago... and again 3 yrs ago. i have been in and out of psych wards... psychotherapy and counseling. im on meds... and try to journal.
i think its different for everybody. people deal with it in there own way and no two people are the same.
remember it is going to take time...and alot of it. something so traumatic.... that effects you in such a deep way.... is not going to disappear over night.
therapy sucks for me sometimes too.... i just cant be bothered diggin up the same crap time and time again, and never getting any relief. it sucks!!!!
i get tired of the same lines too....
im on a waiting list to enter an awesome rehab program... that i think is really going to do wonders for me. yeah.. its really frustrating having to wait... but im working on it while i wait.... and i know... that this thing... this thing that has effect my life for so long... is not going to continue to rule my life.... im not going to let my past dictate my future... i just wont let it... the jerks that hurt me... i aint going to let them keep hurting me.
i believe a big steps is choosing that. choosing that it aint gonna ruin yer future. dont let em.
if ya wanna know more bout this rehab program email me... or if ya just wanna talk... im here. is lalways helpful to talk to someone in the same boat!

2007-08-28 02:41:38 · answer #7 · answered by missy 3 · 0 0

I too was a victim.

It does not hold me back. I just decided it was not for me, I could not change it and the past is the past.

2007-08-27 13:29:16 · answer #8 · answered by uisignorant 6 · 1 0

I'm in the same boat as you.

2007-08-27 17:05:17 · answer #9 · answered by Blah Blah Blah 3 · 0 0

I goto: www.thepayback.com

2007-08-27 12:51:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 3

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