My fiance wont go to college... what do I do?!?

Question

Help. Please.

It's not that I'm TRYING to force him to do something he doesnt want to do. It's just the tiny fact that I'll be the main provider... Which is going to be hard on me. He has a steady job but it only pays a hundred a week. And I'm not breaking up with him because I love him.

My problem is mainly the fact that I'm freaking out over money and a job. I AM in college majoring in Journalism. Which is... fun.

Answer 1

that was a huge concern of mine when me and my now fiance started dating.. he went to college for 2 years and dropped out.. no degree or anything.. and i was in college for my BFA.. which i finished up last year.. i thought that i would be the main provider in the long run as well..

however.. he still hasnt gone back to college.. we have a house.. im making terrible money doing graphic design.. and he is making amazing money with amazing benefits working for the largest electrical company in our state..

if he has the drive to do something with himself.. he will.. things WILL work out i promise..

if however u dont think he has the drive to get a job that will help him provide more.. then it comes down to how much do u love him.. and can u do this for the rest of your life.. best of luck hun!! it will be okay!!

Answer 2

Well, I don't know what to tell you.

You can't MAKE him go to college. He's a big boy now and capable of making his own decisions. If he doesn't want to, he's only going to resent you for it.

From your question, it sounds like you're uncomfortable with being the primary source of income. You can tell him to get another job. Problem is, if he loves what he does (despite the pay), he's going to resent you for it. Is it a status thing? Some women are very traditional and want their man to be the breadwinner. Some don't mind.

Can you pay your bills? If you can't, and are adamant that you marry, then you've got to weigh your options: you either need to a) find new jobs that pay better (both of you - that may mean putting school on hold), b) postpone your wedding until you're more financially stable. They may not be the options you WANT to hear, but those are the choices I see.

If you being the breadwinner is going to bother you that much - you're going to fight about money ALL. THE. TIME. You say it doesn't bother you, but it's going to - probably more than you think. If it's that big of a deal, then you probably should seriously think about finding someone who can support you the way you want to be supported. I know that sounds mean, and I'm not judging you. I don't want to sound mean, but I've seen this scenario time after time. It almost never ends well.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Ok - he's working steadily but only making $100 a week? Sorry but it just doesn't add up! Either he's being taken advantage of (and needs to find another job) or he's not working steadily (or at least full time)
And if he's not working full time then what else is he doing with his time, hmmm....??

You don't want to break up with him, I understand you love him, but don't marry him until you have an understanding worked out.

Definitely don't get married before you finish college - working in journalism you are very likely to have to move to follow your career - possibly having to move alot!

You are young - and it sounds like you are ambitious - good for you!
Don't get settled on one guy (despite your love for him) right now. Work on your career and enjoy it! Don't let this guy drag you down or try to keep you from following your dreams - you will regret it if you do and you will end up resenting him because of it.

Good luck!

Answer 4

There are plenty of people who didn't go to college who are excellent providers. You expect him not only to be the primary provider, but to do it on YOUR terms. At $100 a week (which is far less than minimum wage and doesn't sound like a "steady job"), it doesn't really sound like he is going to be able to be the primary provider.

It is you that have the issue here and unless you can work through it, you may harbor a grudge and/or feel ashamed of your spouse, which isn't good for either of you.

Answer 5

Its his life, he can do what he wants.

If you will only love him on the condition he goes to college, maybe you should rethink your engagement.

I am a big advocate for the trades...if he has a valuable trade, then he doesn't need to go to college. College is often pointless for people who don't really want to study anything specific.

Why don't you focus more on your career than his.

edit:

100$ a week? yikes! He obviously works part time....what is he doing for the rest of the time if he only works 15 hours a week? ..is he just in high school?

I would not be concerned with his not wanting to go to college, but he appartently lacks drive...to do anything!

I will be the major bread winner of our little family, but my fiance does alright for himself without going to college. He's been with a large corporation for many years, he has great benefits and get regular raises and promotions because he works sooo hard.

Answer 6

I would have a huge issue with this because I think the man should be the main provider in a marriage. My husband is and I wouldn't want it any other way. The fact that your fiancee doesn't want to further his education is a little scary. He can't survive on $100 a week for the rest of his life!!

Answer 7

I totally accept as true with the opposite posters that that is your resolution. I additionally agree that the concept of any individual's fiancé "permitting" them to do or no longer do whatever is dangerous and a pink flag. In this example although, it sort of feels like that problem is extra of a nasty option of phrases to your side than a trademark of a controlling or abusive individual. It sounds plenty extra like your fiancé simply desires you to recall his emotions and the have an effect on that this resolution might have to your long term as a pair, that is a sexy fair request if you are marrying the man. I consider you must consult with him the truly problem you are having in all of this. You wish extra from your profession than bringing persons their lunch, that is a absolutely legitimate feeling. You're watching for whatever in an effort to provide you that feel of pleasure and accomplishment that you just absolutely don't seem to be getting out of your paintings proper now. That's what your fiancé demands to realise earlier than you'll particularly even start to recover from the complete armed offerings hurdle. At the tip of the day, sure, you must make the resolution that'sright for you. But the man you are marrying merits to realise why you are making that option, exceptionally if it is a option that might have a colossal have an effect on to your dating.

Answer 8

Ummm...what do you want to do? Do you want to force him to go? Because that's just not going to work.

My husband returned to college a while after we were married, when he was 24. He'd failed out of college twice before that because he didn't really want to be there. He was a straight-A student when he went on his own terms.

If you're dealing with some sort of weird shame that your fiance doesn't have a college degree, I suggest you either get over it or do him a favor and postpone the wedding.

Answer 9

He can always get a better paying job. College is not the answer to everything. I have a degree that does not pay for one red cent in my life and I have friends that did not attend college that make more money than I do get over it.

Answer 10

Well, you can't FORCE him to do something he doesn't want to do. If he doesn't want to go to college, let that be his choice. A lot of people don't want to go to college these days. What's so important about him going anyway? As long as he has a steady, well-paying job, I don't see the point.

EDIT: Sorry, but if you want your boyfriend to be the bread-winner, you're going to have to find someone else since he's not willing to go to college or find a better job. Especially if his income will put such a strain on the relationship. Sorry.