She sends cards, goodie packages, texts him she misses him, pictures of herself, and puts how she loves him on his myspace page, puts pictures of them in college (which was over 5 years ago) on her page, and is always telling me how he is her BEST friend. I tried to look over all of this because I am not the type to say who his friends can and can not be, I even invited her to his birthday party as a surprise to him (she lives out of town and I put her up in a hotel for a night) I have tried to be friends through email with her, but I just can't stand to hear her talk about MY fiance the way she does.
With my fiances's permission I sent her an email nicely asking her to back off a little and respect my fiance and I's relationship. I explained to her where I was coming from and how my fiance and I agreed, as he wouldn't want me to have a male friend that treated me like that. She's furious & had a pity party on herself. Why doesn't she understand where I am coming from?
2007-08-27 05:33:25 · 36 answers · asked by ~Lizzy~ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I in no way feel my fiance would physically cheat on me. It is always this girl that initiates contact with him. I also told the girl, that I didn't think their friendship had to end, but it is unnecessary to be treating a newly engaged man the way she is.
2007-08-27 05:37:29 · update #1
Because she is immature and has no understanding about what the boundaries are in a committed relationship. If she was in your shoes, I am sure that she would be less understanding than you have been if her fiancee had a female friend doing the same things.
It is good that you and your fiancee stand together on this, but he needs to end the constant communication with her, because obviously she doesn't get it. At this point, let your fiancee handle it. You have been more than fair and understanding. You owe her no further explanation.
2007-08-27 05:42:46 · answer #1 · answered by jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the EXACT SAME situation as you! The girl, too, got mad at me for saying it. So this is what my husband did...
1. He stopped emailing her: If he still does, that'll lead her on to believe she will still have a chance with him in someway(because in my situation and YOURS, the girl is definitely trying to get TOO close to your husband).
2. She has no choice but to accept yours and your fiance's decision: which will make her pretty mad because her chances are gone after that (which explains why she was mad at you).
3. Time to make new friends: someone who can relate to you guys as a couple. maybe start a new friendship with other couples. It's always a plus to have that bond.
4. Just ignore her altogether: give her the ultimatum. If she can't respect the decision that you both have decided to, than it is not worth having her around. More objection leads to more drama in your life if you have negative people like her around you.
Right now, me and my husband...we are doing extremely well and there has been no complaints about her being gone. It's more relaxing to know that he doesn't have a friend that wants to be more than friend around him anymore. And I'm glad we made that decision. It's time you should too!
2007-08-27 05:51:01 · answer #2 · answered by dr. phillian here.. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you. But he needs to step away as well. There could be some real trust and seduction issues here. If you weren't home and she was crying would he invite her over to talk and have accidental sex? Be very carefull. You need to set expecations with your fiance. It will get better or it will get worse. I wouldn;t want you to get married to have a cheater. She needs to get in a healthy relationship, not be jealous of the both of you. Be real careful. He needs to tell her on the phone while you are listentng to get some help. She is way out bounds She is disrepecting you, your future marriage and so forth. She doesn;t get it.
If this continues he and you could talk to her family and if it becomes worse you should contact the police about harassment.
2007-08-27 05:42:05 · answer #3 · answered by Robert Miller 95670 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
carry off on the marriage, a minimal of for now. You and additionally you fiance could return jointly on a thank you to handle his mom. It looks like the undesirable woman is making an attempt to make up for each and each of the time she misplaced in the time of her son's formative years yet quite would not comprehend a thank you to try this. If she had an dependancy difficulty interior the previous, she won't have discovered suited approaches of interacting with kinfolk and he or she'll could learn it now. You and your fiance might could help her and he or she might choose expert help. interior the period in-between, you and your fiance can help her by making use of gently placing limitations on her behaviour. do not embarrass her or humiliate her jointly as doing so, yet do not beat around the bush the two. stable good fortune expensive. this occasion isn't inevitably a write off, in spite of the actuality that it is not suited remarkable now.
2016-12-31 06:32:12 · answer #4 · answered by spraggs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know why this girl is so upset, or you wouldn't be unnerved by her actions in the first place: she's got a crush on him, and even if she's accepted that she can't try and steal him from you, it still hurts to be told that it's not going to happen and she's making herself look pathetic (no matter how nicely you actually phrased it). I also think that it would help if your fiance took the extra step of telling her directly that he's in agreement with you; the "rejection" might help her realize that he doesn't care as strongly about her as she does about him, and allow her to get over her feelings.
2007-08-27 05:49:54 · answer #5 · answered by MM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh-Uh! It's not cool and she KNOWS what she is doing. What woman woudln't? Honestly, I think she is after him...trust she would jump on the "lean on me" train if he ever tried to confide in her. Trust your instincts. Obviously you have no say on her, but...you can tell your fiance that you have tried to be the bigger person, but out of respect for you...not to be in much contact with her. What's wrong with that? There are two tyes of situations that men can easily cross over the cheating line..and that would include, becoming attracted to someone at work and/or "a friend"....both of these bring a higher risk of chances...or infedelity. Good luck! But sounds like you are being a real big person about this...I woulda already cussed her out and threatened her...but that's MY way of dealing with things.
2007-08-27 05:41:59 · answer #6 · answered by karamell08 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I hate to say it, but you need to hear this. Your guy is a weenie. If he didn't want her doing all that, HE should be the one to tell her to back off, and have no more contact with her. I think he's flattered and probably eggs her on. Being he's this weak minded right now, are you sure you still want to marry him? Because this will be a HUGE problem throughout your marriage.
How do you know she's the one initiating everything? You aren't around your fiancee every minute of the day. I'm married and even my husband goes to work, goes to the store, etc without me at times.
2007-08-27 05:40:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is obvious that this girl has feelings for your fiance. Sending her an e-mail assuring her that U have your fiance's sopport & that she needed to back off is the the best U could have done.
She is just crazy and that's why she does not understand how U feel about it.
2007-08-27 06:00:53 · answer #8 · answered by Bri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is jealous of your relationship with him, it is not a healthy thing. I would talk to your fiance about cutting this girl off if she can't respect your wishes as a couple! I don't think she is really acting like a "friend." Best wishes and congrats on your engagement!
2007-08-27 05:38:45 · answer #9 · answered by j c 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she really cares about your fiance as a friend she needs to respect your relationship and act like a friend. I am very close with many of my male friends and if by chance I came on too strong and was spoken to about it... my first reaction would be to apologies ... not get mad. I'm with you on this one~ this girl has to learn to respect your relationship or go. Good Luck!
2007-08-27 05:41:52 · answer #10 · answered by redhotdancer4life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋