I am a thirty year old virgin, who wants to wait until I get married to have sex. I am afraid that if I keep have dreams about sex,and waking up with orgasms or just finishing an orgasms.When I do get married I will have some type of disfunctional sex life. Because the experience will not be the same as I dream it. Is there something wrong with me, because it is happing almost every night. I am a christian, and I feel dirty after it happens, and I don't want to burn with lust. But sex is constantly in my dreams, and then I wake up with it on my mind. How can I stop these dreams from happening. Because I feel that these dreams are pushing to want sex more and more. Please help, serious solutions please.
2007-08-27 04:55:49 · 62 answers · asked by kennie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ABSOLUTELY no reason to feel dirty or guilty. And this will NOT have any effect on your sex life.
There's something you can do, but kids are reading this, so I'll tell you in email, if you don't mind.
2007-08-27 09:44:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you are experiencing is normal and no, this in and of itself, will not lead to a dysfunctional sex life.
Stop feeling dirty because that kind of emotional baggage will lead to a dysfunctional sex life. You have nothing to fell guilty or dirty about.
Sex is good. We all have a natural need for sex and pleasure. I think it's commendable that you have decided to wait until marriage. But now you see how difficult it is to remain a virgin before marriage (that's way 75% of all young brides aren't virgins when they marry). Lust is part of being human and lust in boundaries of a committed relationship is one of God's greatest gifts.
Now I'm old enough to be your father so I'll give the same advice I'd give my children -get out and socialize, then get married. If you don't plan to get married soon, feel free to masturbate. There's no one word against it Bible and it is part of a normal sex life. Regardless of what you hear everyone does it. Last, I am not a Christian but if you wish to follow your faith with this self sacrifice then you'll just have to accept this is the price you have to pay for having a healthy normal body.
One more thing, Ive been married almost as long as you've been alive, I've always been faithful, it's been a very happy marriage and those kind of dreams never go totally away.
2007-08-27 05:31:46 · answer #2 · answered by brianjames04 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Kennie
There's nothing wrong with you.
I appreciate your religious righteousness which prohibit you from having sex before marriage; however, there are physiological needs that cannot be suppressed simply because we want so. Or, if we could, we have to be fully satisfied with the decision that we made. I don't believe it's your case here.
The fact that you fantasize about having sex denotes repressed feelings/needs that are deep buried in your subconscious. Well, they creep out when your brain is not alert, hunting you down. You say you feel dirty and full of guilt - well, that's normal since your needs contradicts so dramatically with your personality. And personality is something that is modeled in childhood.
In my experience, if any, I strongly believe that this is the result of education you received in your family, which probably taught you that having sex is dirty and especially having sex before marriage is a crime. As a sinner, you are therefore condemned to hell.
Please don't be offended, but I don't believe in that. I'm a Catholic myself and don't think that Jesus will punish you anyhow for trying to explore your inner self. Besides, not having sex before marriage, exactly as you say, may expose you to being disappointed once you have it. You need to know your body, your needs. All the same, sex is an important part of any marriage and it's not restricted to procreation, God forbidden.
If I offended you, I apologize, it was not my intention. If you wish to correspond further, I would be glad.
Regards
2007-08-27 08:14:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, it's funny, but I've had that my entire life. I am married with 2 kids and 2 step kids, and I still wake up like that. For the longest time, I thought I was dysfunctional as well, but I gave in and just ENJOY it. If you have the right man, he will also enjoy it with you.
Don't worry about having to find a man to marry and have sex with. You know when the time will be right, so let your mind and heart decide. With all the STD's and complications that come with recreational sex, it can be good to wait until you are ready.
Again, just enjoy your ride...I learned to, and it's awesome!
(By the way, it started when I was 12. I am now 27 and loving every minute of it!)
2007-08-27 05:06:24 · answer #4 · answered by stunts20 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, erotic dreams are a fairly natural occurrence. They are experienced by many people. I'm not sure if it's the same case in women, but I've heard that by denying yourself sex, you're actually making these dreams more likely. Of course, because you're a Christian, you don't want to take the most obvious solution, which is to actually have sex.
I'm not sure what I should say to a Christian, except that you should see this is not something that you have chosen to have happen to you, and that you are not to be in any way 'blamed' for these dreams. Go speak with your pastor or priest to discuss these matters- that's what they are there for, after all.
2007-08-27 05:04:37 · answer #5 · answered by Jim 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
There is no solution. You just have to let go of the guilt and shame. I am sure, once you get married, start having sex with your husband and eventually start making a family, these dreams will all become a distant memory that will bring on a nice "Mona Lisa smile". The best way to meet "Mr. Right is to keep that lovely smile and enjoy the Glow. It's God's gift to you as you will be a gift for "Mr. Right".
2007-08-27 05:08:32 · answer #6 · answered by make room for daddy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You could try either meditation before going to sleep. Or else increase any exercise during the day...making you more tired or relaxed before sleep.
One question though...not trying to be too personal.....(these are things to ask yourself) are you always dreaming about the same person? Are you involved with someone. How long have you been having the dreams? It's possible that they are connected with your monthly cycle...if you are close to the middle, your body could be preparing you for getting pregnant. It will do this even thou you're a virgin, it's a natural process.
Please don't feel dirty when you're body is just reacting in the way that it was made to do.
I'm not a christian, but I do believe in a higher power. Pray and seek guidance. Also prepare yourself for a bunch of ignorant answers...some of these people are just here to be rude to people.
good luck
2007-08-27 05:06:43 · answer #7 · answered by daisyjane416 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
God knows your body is going through a cycle its telling you that your body needs something. Sex and if your brain may be thinking marriage.
Besides looking for singles at church, you should pray, get medical advice and take care of your sexual needs. Masturbation can be considered a gift from God. Your body is a temple. You can please it and have orgasims in the day. Learn about your body and learn what makes it feel good. Orgasams are a good thing not a bad one. You should not feel guilty. Its only a sin if you do this out in public, around people other than your spouse. I am sure you good try hypnostism, learn technicquess before going to sleep but you really need to take care ofyourself. Its ok to have an orgasim every day as long you don't masturbate excessively like a few times a day and you feel guility about it. Then is when its a sin.
2007-08-27 05:11:32 · answer #8 · answered by Robert Miller 95670 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
First, there is nothing wrong with you. Everybody has erotic dreams!
No need to feel dirty, you didn't do anything wrong!
A sex life is part of a normal existence. God granted you that existence.
I'm not sure how you can stop dreams. Dreams are an indication that you're getting proper, restorative sleep.
2007-08-27 05:05:51 · answer #9 · answered by rjrmpk 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dreaming about it can be bad since you feel dirty but take your time to find the right person- dreams are just dreams, not reality.
And as for the pushing you to want it more just try not to dream about it, if oyu have other stuff on your mind you wont have time to dream about it, since thats what your thinking about alot ATM being a 30 yr old virgin and all x
2007-08-27 05:04:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, there's nothing wrong or dirty about you. (BTW, If you are a virgin, how do you know you're having orgasms?)
If you're having multiple orgasms why would you want them to stop? Many women have never experienced an orgasm.
It's healthy and normal to have sexual urges. Get a "toy" and have some fun; it will keep you out of trouble.
There's no scripture that addresses the female orgasm.
Enjoy this rare blessing!
(Oh boy, is your future husband gonna be in trouble! LOL!)
2007-08-27 05:17:01 · answer #11 · answered by D S 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋