We are having a destination wedding and want it to be close friends and family. We are going to be mailing out invitations within the next month, as the wedding is Feb. 2, and we want to give people enough time for arrangements. Our issue is that his mother and my uncle keep telling distant family to come, they are inviting them to our wedding. We have talked to both of them about keeping it small, that we don't want distant relatives (some we haven't spoken to in years). As a couple we do not think it's right to invite distant family, as it is an expense for them, and don't want to look like we are asking for gifts. We will be having a party in the spring for all family and friends. My question is, how do we get these family members to stop inviting everybody? And can someone tell me the invite rule, isn't something like if you have talked to them in the past year you can send them an invite or something?
Thank you for your help.
2007-08-27 03:38:00 · 16 answers · asked by jamaican me crazy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
There is no rule based on how long it's been since you've spoken to someone. You may invite someone you haven't spoken to in years, or you may decide not to invite someone you speak to nearly every day. Neither is impolite, though either might be taken poorly, depending on circumstance.
Your mother and uncle, on the other hand, are way out of line. This isn't their party. Unless they are paying for the event, they have no direct say over the guest list. The rest of this answer is based on the premise that they are not paying and have no direct control over your choice in this matter.
Unfortunately, they have placed you in a sticky situation. It's very rude to invite people and then uninvite them...and I think they're counting on that, quite frankly.
But since you did not invite them, they are not officially invited, and that's your out.
The proper thing in this circumstance would be for your mother and uncle to eat a hearty helping of crow and tell these relatives that they had failed to consult with you before talking to them and didn't realize that the happy couple was planning a very intimate wedding with only a handful of guests. Most people understand about overenthusiasm and the impulse to generosity getting in the way of considered thought.
If your mother and uncle refuse to do this, then you'll have to do it yourself. Do your best to make it all look like a pardonable mistake on the part of the culprits or a miscommunication rather than acusing them of trying to take over or of trying to milk more gifts out of people.
Then if they keep it up, make sure the word gets around that while your mother and uncle are certainly enthusiastic about it, they are not in charge of the guest list. You can't guarantee you'll stop them short of tying them up in a basement, somewhere, but you can make sure people know not to depend on their say so for an invitation.
2007-08-27 04:20:32 · answer #1 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send out your invitations. Tell the uncle and mom that the people they are verbally inviting are not actually invited to the wedding, so they'd best stop verbally inviting people. But really, that's all you can do. Let's suppose that these extra people decide that your wedding is worth the time and expense, and they somehow make it to your destination on the big day. Are you going to throw a fit that they're there and send them all the way home? No, you're going to be grateful that your wedding means so much to these people, and you'll welcome them. Right now, you need to put your foot down, but remember to always keep your grace.
2007-08-27 05:38:37 · answer #2 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should sit down with your mother and uncle, and explain to them that it isn't their place to invite people to your wedding even if they are relatives. I don't know the invite 'rule', but, if you want a small wedding you should invite your closest friends and family, and everyone else will understand. Especially if you are going to have a celebration at a later time. If your uncle and mother continue to invite people to the wedding, then you might have to ask them to no longer participate in any of the planning. Be firm, be honest.
2007-08-27 04:57:25 · answer #3 · answered by Puddle Pirate Princess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You directly tell your mom and whoever else that you do not want anyone inviting guests except for you. No further discussion. Distant relatives won't come anyway, don't worry. We're planning a destination wedding, with a local reception later, and we included save the date card for the later event with the invitation, so those who won't make it to the wedding will know there is another party on the horizon.
2007-08-27 03:55:13 · answer #4 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them to carry the expense off all those they invite that are not on your list. If they don't get the picture good luck.
It is not funny now but I moved in with a guy years ago and my mom came to my house with a wedding dress, invitations, and a wedding photographer called me to make sure the date and time was correct. An I had people rsvping. The only reason this was so stressful is we were not even engaged. My mom was crazy. It is funny now but it was hard telling people there was no wedding. It came to the point we had to leave a message on the answering machine explaining to people why we were not getting married.
2007-08-27 03:50:20 · answer #5 · answered by My Three 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL..don't know of any invite rule, but obviously your relatives are very excited about your wedding. I would sit them down though and tell them, unless they are willing to pay for the hotel and other expenses for these distant relatives, they need to stop inviting people. That should be you and the grooms choice.
Good luck and have a great day!
2007-08-27 03:43:36 · answer #6 · answered by Mom of 2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definately sit them down and talk to them but also send out a wedding announcement that states where and when the wedding is and that there will be a party for family and friends to celebrate with us in the spring...that way all of these relatives know they will be able to attend and celebrate with you at a later date
2007-08-27 03:55:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell his Mother and your Uncle to please stop telling your distant relatives to come to your wedding again! Explain to them the same way you told it here and tell them it is causing problems by confusing people.There is no rule...People will know if they are really invited when they get their invitations and in the spring they will come if they feel inclined to do so.Don't worry about this too much,it will work out.Have a happy wedding day!
2007-08-27 05:34:19 · answer #8 · answered by ana 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the invite rule is one year. You have to tell your family firmly that those relatives will be invited to the party in the spring, not the wedding. Tell them you are not going to change your mind even if they do invite them. Maybe they are hoping that you will give in, rather than appear rude by rescinding.
2007-08-27 03:52:43 · answer #9 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If they do not get an invitation they are not invited to the wedding.
You need to put your foot down and talk to his mom and your uncle about inviting everyone.
HOPEFULLY those who are being invited by mom and uncle will realize they are NOT invited because they have not received an invitation.
Send whoever you want an invitation. There really is no "rule".
2007-08-27 05:13:48 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋