My mother-in-law ruined the ONE vacation ive had in 3 years and i was appalled when she did THIS-?

Question

My fiance and i have not been on vacation (not even a little 2 day one!) in three years (the last time we were is when we got engaged!).

We did not plan on taking any vacations either (only $2,500 worth of debt to go Horray!) But his mom offered to invite us to Canada. At first we declined because we are looking to save our money, then she offered an all expense paid vacation because she said 'she knows how hard we've been working and just wanted to get away with us'

The trip was 10 days long. All we had to pay for was gas to and from the US, and we stayed at the moms boyfriends house so we did not need a hotel. We brought $250 with us, in case of an emergency (car breaking down, illness, etc)

Ahead of time, we were told that tickets to an amusement park, the CN tower, Zoo & other attractions were paid for, which was part of the aggreement. Going out to eat was also going to be covered. (Yes, her boyfriend has a very good job lol)

All in all, it was a disaster. Heres why

Upon getting there we took a ferry that holds your car as well. When we were in line to get on, they went ahead and she rolled down her window and said "You have enough to cover it, right?" It was $25/person plus $25 for the car. "No, we said, we dont". She rolled her eyes, grunted out of the car, threw the money into the car, and slammed the door getting back into her own.

After the zoo we were starving. "OH i know a GREAT buffet to go to" she offered & we said "Great lets go". A sign on the front of the restaurant said "$10.99" a person which was fine with us since food was SUPPOSED to be covered, but we wanted to pay anyway. Turns out the buffet cost $30/person. We were just getting dessert when she said "So i'll need $60 from you guys for dinner." I just stared at her. I then took out $50 and laid it on the table and said "Christ if i knew it was going to be that expensive i would have not come here". She did a 180 and got in a pissy mood and didnt talk to anyone the whole night

Her boyfriend offered to give us $40 back, but it made it seem like we were being cheapo's (even though they were supposed to be paying!) so i said forget it and didnt take the money back.

Then we go to the CN tower. It was like $22/person to go up, and she turns to us and goes "Well we got our tickets! Go get yours!" I looked at my fiance and he goes "If we're paying, we're not going up" At this point, we had $50 left to our name. She got all pissed off again and sulked around the entire time we were at the top of the tower

I dont know how i should have handled this. We actually left a day EARLY because it turns out the amusement park was NOT paid for in advance like she said, and she wanted us to front the $40 each to go.

Please keep in mind when responding that #1) we did not want to go on this vacation if we had to pay for everything, we are lookin to save and get ourselves out of debt #2) the only reason we agreed to go was cause she offered to pay

She does this every time money is an issue (birthdays, christmas, vacations now..) She offers to pay or to get something we need and then doesnt deliver when there were other people who may have been able to do it. For example, she wanted to buy my fiance a PS2 for xmas. I was already looking into buying one, but since she wanted to i offered to let her do it. 2 days before xmas, she tells me "oh maybe ill just get it next yr" when that was the one thing he REALLY wanted, and i had to run out last minute to get one myself

She gets really moody and pissy with money, and its not even hers to spend, its her boyfriends

Bluebird i am very much aware that $250 is not alot for a 10 day vacation, which is WHY, if you read, WE DID NOT WANT TO GO ON A VACATION IN THE FIRST PLACE but decided to when she offered to pay. that was 'emergency money'

People, please READ before responding. thanks

And ok 'we only spent $250' but you know what me not working and my fiance not working for 10 days COST us over $1500 we COULD have made. This was not 'EXTRA' money people, doesnt anyone know what 'emergency money' is?

Ok then. My question is: How do i Politely turn down her offer for future vacations/wanting to 'pay' for things because it winds up costing us money we do not have. Thanks

WHAT is wrong with everyone? Are you kidding me? SHE offered to pay. End of story. I'm not supposed to be mad because she cost us $250 PLUS $1500 of lost pay for lost work time ?!

Do i really have to spell it out? She-jewed-us-into-going-on-vacation-with-her-by-using-our-money-we-are-TRYING TO SAVE-to-get-out-of-debt

There is nothing 'selfish' about it.

Answer 1

I'd of turned around and went back home.

Answer 2

First congratulations on paying down your debt so far. That's a tough job but, oh, man, you'll be so happy once its gone.

Second, it sounds like you're being a bit hard on your MIL if those were the worst of the incidents. The ferry was in sort of a gray area as far as cost coverage. You assumed she'd get it because it was a cost other than gas. She may have assumed you'd get it as it was a cost related to the travel to get to the vacation site. I'd chalk it up to bad communication rather than bad feeling.

And the buffet could have been the same thing. I would have been more mad at the restaurant than my MIL if an advertised $10.99 cost turned into $30. I would have been questioning the management about how that could have happened and what they were going to do to fix it. Now if the buffet was $10.99 and your MIL asked for enough to pay for everyone then you have a right to be mad at her. But not before.

Maybe try looking at the good things that happened on the trip instead of the bad. You and your fiance must have had some fun in the 10 days you were there...10 days you wouldn't have had otherwise.


***Well, with the way you throw our racial slurs when you get defensive I have to question what kind of person you are. Hmmm...maybe there *is* more to this story than just what you've put here.

Answer 3

There's a head-up if I ever saw one!
Your future MIL is a manipulative liar. If the fiancee is still falling for her junk, you need to reconsider him carefully. Distance alone is keeping her from making your lives a living hell.

She conned you two into going there, saying that she would cover expenses, and then proceded to stick you with all the bills, then copped an attitude about it. She based her promises on the generosity of her boyfriend. She was playing dirty pool the whole time with everyone involved. She wanted to "get away" with you? Yeah, she sure got away with a lot there!

After the first time or two that you saw this behavior, you two should have gotten out of there and headed home.
Keep your scopes up.
She will probably be trying to con you two some more in the future.

Answer 4

By the way you're getting so defensive, I feel like I can't trust the story you've fed us. Even so, I'd say it was rude in the first place to accept, as an adult, a vacation in which you are unwilling and unable to cover any of the financial responsibilities. It's selfish to even accept the offer and go knowing you can't afford to cover ANYTHING.

This is what you should have done:
1) Told your mother-in-law that it sounds like a great offer, but you don't think it's a good idea because you would only be able to front $250 of the money.
2) If she still insists that you go along and that she'll pay for everything, you say, "We wouldn't feel right not being able to contribute more of the costs. It's geat that you can give us somewhere to stay for free, but we'd at least want to cover our food and entertainment expenses, and at this point, we're not in a position to do so.

Answer 5

I'm not really sure what you are asking here. I did read the whole thing and was appalled to hear that your fiance's mother put you through it. I too would have been very angry and felt betrayed by her broken promises. You didn't mention what your fiance has to say about all this. Is it causing a rift in your relationship? Is he siding with his mother or did he understand and support you in this situation?

If you are asking what to do about it...and your fiance is supportive of you.....
(1) I would write her a letter/email (and keep a copy for future self defense) explaining to her that you are upset and why
(2) The next time something like the playstation or vacation is mentioned, just tell her how you plan on handling it straight out. Don't change your plans because of promises she has made, you already know she doesn't follow through.

If your fiance is siding with is mother and constantly defending her, you have a problem. A man needs to be willing to stand with his wife in times of family turmoil. If he is constantly siding with or defending his mother, perhaps he is not ready to be married. In that case, I would say carefully weigh your feelings about him and get some heavy pre-marital/relationship counseling.

Answer 6

You are in a terrible situation. You need to make your husband choose between his wife (you) or his mother. I can guarantee she will not die if he chooses you, but she might be very angry instead. I have heard mothers say these things before about how they will die if something doesn't go their way. My ex husbands mother was going to have a heart attack and die if he married me. Well, so far she has survived our getting married, our getting divorced and him getting remarried in which she used the same story again about having a heart attack if he remarries. What a surprise! She is still alive and didn't even have one single heart attack through all of that! In fact her health stayed quite well and it has been 13 years now. Here is how it goes. Unless your husband stands up to momma and gets away from her bullying, you are always going to take a back seat to her. Do you want to be second best in his life? This sounds bad but sometime the death of momma can bring some relief to the marriage, but not always. If he was very close to momma, he will always try and blame you for her death when that day comes. It will always be your fault that poor old sweet momma died because he was married to you and that's what killed her. This doesn't always happen like this though, just in some cases and usually the man has issues to begin with. Most men would be sad to see momma die but feel a sense of freedom. This is a sad if it has to be like that to have freedom though. That mother in law needs to be told in a very firm voice by her son that she needs to stay out of his marriage and worry about her own life. If he cannot do this then you will have a very long life of heartache and misery as long as she sticks around. Maybe you could suddenly get a job across the country, very far from her to where she would be forced out of your immediate lives and only gets visits once in a great while. Another idea, if his mother is not married, casually find her a nice man and introduce them. You could do it very secretly by meeting the man first yourself and then letting them meet by accident. I think you know what I mean. Once someone is in a relationship, nothing else usually matters.

Answer 7

I do not understand why you would think that she was going to pay for every detail of the vacation and that she would be OK with that. If you could not afford to go away then your boy friend should have told his mother no. If she insists I would have let it go in one ear and out of the other. The reason she got so upset is that she felt you and her son were taking advantage of her and in a way you both were as who goes on vacation as an adult and brings no money to cover anything on the trip. Sorry to say that you put yourself in this position. If you were smart you would no longer go on vacations you can not afford.

Answer 8

that was a pretty bitchy thing of her to do! She shouldn't have offered to pay if it wasn't her money to begin with. She probably just said that so that you guys would go and then when she metioned it to her bf he said no. That's the first thing that pops into my mind anyway. I would decline to go on any vacation with them from here on out if I were you. Unless you can get it in writing! And I don't see that happening! What did your husband say about this, didn't he stand up to her? Anyway, chalk it up to money lost cause you're never gonna get it back, but don't let her get away with it if there happens to be a "next time."

Answer 9

i am married and my Mother in law would do something like that too.. I would have made the best of it and stayed for a couple of days but just stayed at the house and have gone out to dinner one time with them...you learn from the mistake and now you know not to go again...next time she ask just say no thank you and leave it at that. she doesnt need to know your reason on why you dont want to go. but if she really needs one just tell her you are saving money for a vacation that you and your husband can go on together......really that was very wrong for her to invite you with all expenses paid and didnt do it. i would have been peed off....

Answer 10

If you know that is how she is about money and issues related to money, then what in the world made you think she would be any different this time? To keep the relationship sane, avoid ALL issues regarding money with her and just chalk this up to the final lesson in a series of lessons on how to deal w/future MIL. You won't change her, and being angry with her will just cause more problems, so just remember you can't count on her when it comes to money, and be prepared to ALWAYS have to shell out the money, and then be pleasantly surprised if she actually follows thru.

Answer 11

People like that; you do not need to be around or count on.
I know plenty people like that. (I can count them all on one hand)
The way I deal with them is avoid them. I can talk to them every now and then, but that is as far as it goes. I don't hang out with them.
They will sometimes offer to do something nice, and I will say, "Thanks, but NO THANKS." I don't care if that means having to do without something. I know later I will get it. I know I can count on myself to get it or get the job done.
If there is something I need or want, they would be the last person I'd want doing it. They will always throw it up your face. They always disappoint you and that isn't good. Next time, she asks to do something nice for either one of you, pass it up. Tell her "No Thank-you." Even if you didn't have the chance to do or buy something say that you did, to get her off your back. It isn't wise to tell her your plans either. Especially, during the holidays or birthdays. Don't tell her what your fiance is interested in unless you are not already getting it for him. So, if you have got something major planned, she can't spoil it. Do not give her that opportunity.
-Good luck.