It's been a week since my boyfriend has come home. He's been gone on vacation all summer with his family to visit his home town. We've spent pretty much everyday of the week together and they've all been wonderful. Wel..yesterday we were just layin there and I told him that a friend at work mentioned the term "absense makes the heart grow fonder" and that I thought about it and it really is true. And I explained to him thats its not that I love him more or less when he left but going through what it was like without him I now feel like I should stop taking things for granted like I did before. (Meaning spending less time being happy with him.) And that I wanted to be with him all the time. I asked him if he felt the same and he said no.that he always wanted to be with me and that he feels the exact same for me as he did before he left. Then he just wasnt acting the same the rest of the night and drove me home in silence. Did I say something wrong? Help.
2007-08-27 03:13:24 · 15 answers · asked by Lisa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Guys are usually just different than women in this respect. I find that men will express emotion and attachment through physical presence--touching, gifts, kissing, even just being together, etc. Women can more easily express themselves with words and reflect much more on their own emotions. You will introspectively look at the absence and see how it makes your feelings stronger. He, however, feels the pain of missing and is uncomfortable with it.
Maybe you left the impression that you want to spend less time with him than you already are? In that case, you're going to need to make it abundantly clear that it's not your intention.
2007-08-27 03:21:39 · answer #1 · answered by Rach 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's wounded. He locked in: "its not that I love him more or less when he left but going through what..." BUT I think he locked out: "I should stop taking things for granted like I did before. (Meaning spending less time being happy with him..."
Sometimes men hear what they want to hear. In our head, it could be something very simple but once you relay it them, all of a sudden they seem to receive it all wrong! Explain it again if he'll let you, for clarity's sake. By-the-way, I believe in the saying also.
2007-08-27 03:24:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I think it's really sweet what you said :)
I don't know him personally so I can't really say, but he might just be the type that doesn't talk about things too much. My husband is kind of like that. I would always tell him things I like about him, how I like him more than ever now, and gush on him, and he wouldn't say much in return. But I dated him for four years and then married him (he waited for me for four years when we were long distance!). We've been married for almost four years now and I know how he thinks through and through...and I can say without a doubt that even though he's kind of quiet when I say such things, he likes it, and I think that's one of the reasons he has stayed with me so long. Guys love to have their egos stroked--who doesn't? Who could possibly be upset at you for loving them more than ever before?
2007-08-27 03:19:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you spoke your mind and heart to him. You stepped out there, took a risk, and exposed your heart to him. Your boyfriend may not be ready to step up to meet you there just yet. Maybe he's not the same risk taker you are, or maybe he just needs more time to digest what you said. Either way, you took a step towards growth and now you have to wait and see if he's willing to grow too. So, it sounds like you said something right! Good for you...! Now you have to be strong during this time of waiting for him to figure out what he wants.
2007-08-27 03:27:10 · answer #4 · answered by deejaycleveland 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I wouldn't have taken that in anything but the nicest possible way, but two people can often react radically differently to the same stimuli....there's no true way of determining how he interpreted what you said except by asking him. It certainly wasn't offensive though.(Maybe he was stunned to learn the disparity in feelings ever existed). I suspect things will be fine.
2007-08-27 03:43:21 · answer #5 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you said anything wrong exactly, But i am pretty sure that he thinks you are trying to trap him into something he ain't ready for.when you said that you wanted to be with him all the time.I am pretty sure that he feels like you are trying to smother him.back off a little bit. Give him a little bit of space.If he feels the same he will come around.
2007-08-27 03:25:49 · answer #6 · answered by reneet88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you didn't say anything wrong.Theirs another saying "out of sight, out of mind" which contradicts that statement. I wouldn't worry about it. It will come up again in conversation and he probably got the wrong impression. Guys do that alot.
2007-08-27 03:19:55 · answer #7 · answered by Scarlett 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he took that as you being a little too clingy. Guys don't tend to read into those cutsie little quotes about love. He will most likely shrug that comment off and it shouldn't bother him too much...but I can see how maybe when you said that it sounded a little clingy.
2007-08-27 03:17:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
nope you didn't. although it probably did hurt him. you two have different feelings so just talk it out and solve it. he probably thought you were saying that you didn't want to spend time with him so explain that you meant that you thought that you would increase your feelings that way. but its totally fine to say what you did and therefore you are sharing your feelings with him. he probably took it the wrong way, so talk to him about it and solve it together. don't just worry about it, cuz he probably isn't really mad at you!
2007-08-27 03:19:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you probably hurt his feelings. he probably thought you were on the same level with him, and what you said made him feel like you didnt care for him as much as he does for you! he most likely just took it the wrong way, just explain to him what you meant, so he understands.
2007-08-27 03:18:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋