My parents have been talking about celebrating Christmas in the mountains since I was little (we've never seen snow on Christmas; we live in Georgia) and they're finally going to do it this year because my younger brother no longer believes in Santa. The only thing about that is, I'm now grown and live with my boyfriend who wouldn't be able to join us because he's going to be working on Christmas Eve and Day (something he can't, and doesn't want, to get out of because of the EXTRA pay he'll be getting). My parents will be paying for everything (except gas) as a gift to us and I REALLY want to go. However, if I go I won't be able to spend the holiday with my boyfriend who I love very, very much. But if I don't, it'll be the first time I didn't spend Christmas with my family and I don't want to have to cross that inevitable bridge until I get there if you know what I mean. Obviously, I'm in a HUGE pickle and have no idea how to get out of it.
What would you do in my situation?
2007-08-27 02:57:20 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have talked to my boyfriend about this and, although he would like to go, we could definitely use the extra money he'd be getting for working those holidays because it would pay off all the gifts we bought plus a little extra.
2007-08-27 03:07:39 · update #1
I completely understand the whole concept behind him not being able to get off from work and not wanting to. . .my live-in boyfriend works in law enforcement, and also has to work holidays often. I think other people posting on here don't understand that when you wrote he doesn't want to take off, that is on top of the fact that he CAN'T get off. Some jobs people HAVE to work on holidays, and if it is his time on the rotation schedule, he has no choice. Not to mention that holiday pay is so much more. If you need the cash - I get him wanting to work. . .you never know, maybe he is saving up to buy you something shiny for your finger ;-)
On that note, I don't blame him for not going, but I think you should go. What are you going to do, sit home alone all day? Your parents want you there and you will be lonely at home. Does he have family close that he can spend the nights with? I'm sure that if he is a caring man, he would tell you to go. He doesn't want you sitting around while he works, he wants you to have a happy holiday.
Hopefully you will have many Christmas days to spend together in the future.
HTH,
Coleen
2007-08-27 04:15:17 · answer #1 · answered by Coleen429 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to mention this since it has not been mentioned in any of the other comments I don't believe - There are two sets of grandparents here that will have contact with any children that come along. Each set of grandparents is going to have a different focus. Not that this doesn't come up ever. It does on quite a regular basis. But both of you need to discuss the children's attendance at religious meetings - how this is going to be worked out. This may not seem to be a big issue right now, but it will be down the road - for the children and for the both of you in time. I will tell you - that life changes. Focus changes. What is or seems unimportant changes. What is or seems important changes. With time and maturity. Both of you may feel at the moment that you can make certain compromises. But there may come a day when those will change. What you each feel is important or not important will change with age, children, just the world around you. If you are not committed to your beliefs - each of you - 100% now, there is room for change. And that will be a problem when you either one become 100% committed. All it takes is for one of you to change - you or him - and what you have talked out will no longer work. There has to be a meeting of the minds before the I DO or it may become an I DON"T down the road. And that would be disasterous for all concerned, especially when there are children concerned. Before you go any further, you need to go to a meeting (or several) at the Kingdom Hall, because that is where your children will eventually be going ON OCCASION. And you need to know the facts. The more you know about his religion, the more you will understand him and his side of the family. Is he a baptized Witness? Does he attend meetings at the Kingdom Hall? Does he participate in the public ministry? These are things you should already know about him. But if you don't you need to discuss.
2016-05-19 00:59:33 · answer #2 · answered by stormy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your boyfriend and not your husband, he plans to work during the holidays because of the extra money, obviously he thought this was much more important than spending the holidays with you. Don't start making the same mistake other women have done throughout the beginning of time, and that is putting your man ahead of everything and everyone. It is good to love someone, but not good to the point you give up all other people, interests and adventures. Spend the holidays with your family and enjoy the season, when you return you and your boyfriend can plan something special between the two of you. After all, it is not like your family will be doing this every year. Have much fun!
2007-08-27 03:08:11 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend will be working both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, he's already made his choice based on his priorities. Now you need to make yours based on your priorities. Do you really think sitting home alone while he works is worth it? Why give up a wonderful family holiday? Frankly, Christmas is just WAY too important to spend it working or waiting for someone else to get home from work.
I say celebrate the holiday with your boyfriend on a day/evening he has off before or after your trip with your parents. A time will probably come when you don't have the option because of distance or loss of a loved one. Your parents are being extremely generous to pay your way because it is important to them that you be there. Aren't they just as important to you?
2007-08-27 03:16:20 · answer #4 · answered by nimat33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This seems really simple to me. Your boyfriend will be working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day anyway. And if your relationship is really something, you'll have many, many more holidays to share together. Meanwhile, your family is fulfilling a long-standing wish to be in the mountains together on Christmas. You kiss your boyfriend goodbye, tell him you love him and miss him and wish he could go, and you go with your family. Maybe have a night earlier in the week to celebrate Christmas together with your boyfriend.
2007-08-27 04:01:26 · answer #5 · answered by robert_randolph_the_family_cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look you will have many holidays and days when you can be with your biyfriend but, your parents need you now. I know you love your boyfriend but, your parents have been talking about this holiday for a long time and you owe it to tho spend a holiday next to them. I am sure your boyfriend will understand. After all he wants to work for the extra money so, give him a piece of freedom and go have fun with your parents. The next day you can celebrate the holiday with him.
2007-08-27 03:07:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a huge pickle. Christmas is about family. Your b/f while you love him is not quite family. You want to go, your parents want you to go so go. If he doesnt understand about family committment at this point before you get married (if this is going in that direction) then guess what. You will have somethng to fight about after you are married. Your life no matter what you believe, does not revolve around your b/f. If you it does you have other issues anyway. IN every relationship there is the holiday dilema. Go and enjoy the mountains. He will spend the time he is off from work with his family
2007-08-27 03:02:51 · answer #7 · answered by dave n 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd go be with my family.
My reasoning? If my boyfriend hasn't put a ring on my finger and set a date, I can't possibly be at the point of my relationship with him that I know he values me above all things. My relationship with him is still temporary. He has no vested interest in staying. He hasn't declared to God and everyone else that he's committed to being with just me. I only have that inferred commitment from living with him.
He's also stated that the holiday isn't important enough to him to spend with me and refuses to even attempt to get off work so we can at least pretend to be a family with my parents. Another clue as to how important I am in the grand scheme of things in his mind.
However, my family is forever. We will always have each other and my parents would be spending a hell of a lot of money to make sure that we'd all be together. My parents are my rock and I know I can always count on them. They're going way WAY out of their way to provide an enjoyable Christmas for all. And, since my parents spent all that time, energy and effort making sure I grew up and turned into a productive member of society, I'm obligated to help give them their dream Christmas out of honor and respect for them.
My roommate-sleeping buddy-boyfriend will be more than capable of taking care of himself without me for a few days while I go spend time with people who have an obvious commitment to me and family to whom I have an obligation. If roommate-sleeping buddy-boyfriend doesn't care to share in that, that's his problem, not mine.
2007-08-27 03:11:47 · answer #8 · answered by ann81969 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Such a very caring family orientated boyfriend you have - NOT!
So he wont go on this rather important (to your parents, anyway) family get-together because he wants to work for some EXTRA pay!
He is either extremely selfish or has no feelings towards you or your family. Most caring partners would make sacrifices in such instances.....but not you b/f, he obviously is only thinking of himself.
What would I do in your situation?....Give him the ultimatum - go on the trip or get used to self hand jobs!
2007-08-27 03:08:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer lies in you. You can either go with your parents and leave your boyfriend behind because he will be working or you can remain with your bf and keep him some company if you really luv him.
Very soon you are gonna be his wife and you need to start bahaving like one. Don't be worried becoz you aint be going, there is owez next time. He miht not be working when that time comes and you will enjoy another christmas wit ya parents.
Understand your bf.
2007-08-27 03:25:30 · answer #10 · answered by Sombo Mummy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋