I had a huge fight yesterday with my dad because I feel that he's being ridiculously overprotective of my 17 year old sister. She's interested in a 19 year old guy who my dad says is too old for her, and because I didn't tell her not to even think about seeing this guy (instead I encouraged it because to me two years is no big deal), my dad's decided I'm a bad influence on my sister. My dad refuses to even consider any point of view other than his own, and I'm afraid that instead of keeping my sister emotionally and physically safe, his overprotectiveness will leave her vulnerable when she goes to college next year. He also said that he doesn't want my sister to end up like me because when I was 19, I married the wrong man, and my dad didn't speak to me for two years. I've since fixed my life and it's really good now. I don't want to make up with him because then he'll think he can make all the decisions forever, and I have other younger sisters, too. Am I being unreasonable?
2007-08-27 02:47:51 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Two years isn't a big difference between 28 and 30 or 28 and 26...so for you you're right. But all of the people in the 26 to 30 year old age range should be dealing with a similar stage of their life. You all should be out on your own, making your own living and on pretty similar emotional level. You should have some expectation of all those people having a similar level of life experience.
Now for your sister there is a much larger difference between 17 and 19. Between those 2 years a 17 year old should should be having a lot of experiences that help them grow into the 19 year old they will be. They should graduate high school and have a year or more under their belt of college or a job. They should have had 2 years of dealing with people of all ages in a less structured environment. They should have taken on more responsibility for themselves during that time.
Now for your sister your dad is right. He's seeing that difference in maturity that more life experience brings. He knows that that difference can lead to the 19 year old being able to emotionally sway a less sophisticated 17 year old and that can lead to some very bad results.
And even if that isn't his exact reason for not wanting this relationship to go forward, there is the fact that he's the one responsible for your sister, not you. And as long as it's his house, it's his rules. You'll have to learn to live with that if you want any contact with this sister or any other younger siblings.
2007-08-27 03:57:40 · answer #1 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're 28 years of age you should start trying to act it!
Since when have you been your 17 year old sister's guardian? Do you live at home with your family? My guess is you have stuck your nose into something you know very little about & are just a trouble maker.
Regardless of what - your father is most likely to be in the best position to know what's best for his younger daughter..
You say you have since "fixed" your life. Maybe your father is not of the same opinion & does not want you influencing your sister.
Yes, i think you are being unreasonable - no question about it.
2007-08-27 02:58:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am a mother of an almost 17yr old girl. 1st off i see nothing wrong with her (my child) dating anyone 2yrs older. we (her parents) have had this problem come up. there is 2yrs and 6months between her father and i. but my hubby had a problem with it at 1st. til i pulled him aside and said ummm look at our age different... as for u and ur problem. i feel ur sis told u about the older guy in private and ur father blew that up when he found out about it. as for u getting into a yelling match with ur father i feel u both said things that shouldnt of been said... but he is the parent so as an adult u have to respect his wishes. you may have to look at it from ur fathers point before u can understand him. its his baby. yes he said some hurtful things but i think he meant to say he didnt want her to live the life u started out with. u say urs has improved and im glad to hear that. wheres ur mom in all of this? maybe u should say ur srry for it all blowing up between ur father and u. but as the older sister u think he is being to strict that she will be 18 soon. but thats all u can do
2007-08-27 03:08:47 · answer #3 · answered by kitttkat2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone. When your sister is of legal age, she is free to date whomever she wants. All your father can do is hope that she doesn't come home with a loser.
2007-08-27 03:01:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you to a degree your dad is done raising your sister as far as teaching her anything .She must learn on her own sooner then your dad wants.She is going to be what she is.When your dad says he don't want her to end up like you he is wrong.Everyone makes mistakes and I see where that might hurt.Please don't hold anger life too short.I just lost my father.
2007-08-27 03:09:52 · answer #5 · answered by michelle b 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well, i can see your point, but you are not "responsible" for your sister's welfare, discipline and aren't her parent.
i am sure your sister will come to her own independence soon enough and will have the right and freedom to make her own decisions without your father's help.
if it were me, i'd just leave it alone.
take care.
2007-08-27 02:53:46 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋