My grandmother raised me and she just passed. My heart is broke and I was planning my wedding for September 6, 2008 a day before her birthday. I'm so confused I wanted to show her that I could plan a nice event and she was so excited about the wedding. Now I just feel like canceling plans and going to the justice of peace!?! What should I do? Should I still have have the wedding I wanted and make it like a celebration of life for my grandmother?!? By having a slide show of her wedding playing durning the reception? I'm so confused!
2007-08-27 02:38:23 · 27 answers · asked by I'm Married!!!! 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
you should wait for three months to make a decision. normal, healthy grief should begin to subside (not disappear) within 3 months. anything longer may be an indication of depression. you should not make any major life decisions while dealing with grief.
if you do go ahead with the big wedding, i wouldn't advise playing her wedding at the reception. many there won't even know who she is, and they won't give the slide show the same reverence and respect that you do. they'll be at their tables, talking and eating while the slides play in the background. some of them will likely be confused about why someone else's wedding is playing. besides, it is a day to honor YOUR wedding and the vows you have taken.
to honor your grandmother at the wedding, consider some other options that will have meaning and an explanation for other guests who don't know your grandmother.
-light a candle for your grandmother at the front of the church. this is usually done as an announcement is made that the candle symbolizes those who couldn't be here.
-leave an empty chair in the front row of the pews. i find this sad, as it seems to highlight what is missing. i feel the candle represents a presence, but some people like the empty chair idea.
-include a line on the program that mentions your granny and all of those who loved, supported, and guided you and your husband but couldn't be here today.
-include pics in the slide show of you with your granny or of you and your new hubby with your granny. just like you will probably include pics of you and your hubby with other friends and relatives, but don't commit the entire show to her. you should be there to celebrate the vows and covenant you have undertaken.
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2007-08-27 02:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would have a celebration of life party for your grandmother in the fall (this year). At your wedding I would light a candle for her and include her in a thank you toast at the reception. It's so hard to loose a loved one. You have time to put your plans on hold for now and grieve for you grandmother, then after you've given yourself some time, I would start up my plans again. You can still show her that you can plan a nice event, she will be with you on your special day and be very proud of you.
I'm so sorry for you loss.
2007-08-27 03:42:19 · answer #2 · answered by jamaican me crazy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is all very recent, I think maybe you should take a step back and let yourself grieve for a while before you make any rash decisions. Keep your date and your plans in tact, if you choose to scrap it in a few months after you have had time to come to terms with everything, then you know that you will be doing so with a level head.
I would stress to you to remember that your grandmother was very excited for the wedding, she probably would be very disappointed if you canceled it because of her passing. That wouldnt be what she wanted for you I am sure, grandmas arent like that. She would have wanted you to follow through with your plans and have a wonderful wedding. Remember if she is in your heart she is always with you, she wont be missing the wedding.
I wouldnt do a slide show, that will probably change the mood of the party and also wouldnt be something that she would want. I would have a small table in the hall with a beautiful flower arrangement, a lovely picture of her and a candle burning in her memory. A quiet memorial to her would be best in my opinion. She would like that.
My sincere condolences on the loss of your biggest fan, I am sure your heart is aching. Hugs.
2007-08-27 03:39:28 · answer #3 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry for your loss..your obviously close to your grandmother. i think you should go ahead with your wedding and make it a tribute your grandmother's life. especially because it falls the day before her birthday. Having a slide show is a wonderful idea and you could give a speech and say how much she was loved and is missed. However as much as it hurts make it a special so when you look back at your wedding you Will have fond memories. i am sure your grandmother will be proud...hope you have a wonderful day.
2007-08-27 02:55:46 · answer #4 · answered by Uniquelova 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to hear that:( When my parents got married, my father symbolically broke a glass during his wedding speech, as a symbol of sadness that his parents couldn't be there. It can feel like it's not fair to be happy in the middle of the sadness, but I think she would want you to be happy. You could make the wedding a celebration of her life, or you could move it later (and still say how sad you are that she couldn't be there to see it), or you could have a small wedding with just close family and friends, and then have a big celebration in a few months' time. But if you don't have a proper celebration at all, you'll regret it later.
2007-08-27 02:46:27 · answer #5 · answered by Marie Antoinette 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Would your grandmother have wanted you to stop planning your wedding? I don't think she would. Plan your wedding and play her slideshow. You could also do a couple of things I've seen done "In Rememberance" at weddings:
1.) Place a rose in the place next to your parents where your grandmother would have been seated.
2.) This one is more for if your fiance' has lost someone who he would've liked to see at the wedding. Light a Memory Candle as an eternal flame or a way of showing they're there in memory for them.
I'm truly sorry for your loss, you and your family have my sympathy and prayers. Also, I wish you and your future husband the best of luck!
2007-08-27 03:46:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your grandmother would want nothing more then you to be happy. Yes you should continue to plan the wedding and I would be a great tribute to include her in the reception in such a way.
An idea for the ceremony itself; my sister in laws mother passed away before she married my brother. At the start of the ceremony my brother took a rose and walked it over to the seat is mother in law would have been in and placed the rose by his father inlaw. Then walked back to his wife at the alter and continued the wedding, it was a very kind and endearing sentiment and reminded us all that she was still a part of us.
Congratulations on you wedding/engagement!
I am so sorry for your loss, best reagards.
2007-08-27 02:49:29 · answer #7 · answered by adriannalee1 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your grandmother wouldn't want you to change your plans- she would want you to continue your life, and it live it to it's fullest! You can dedicate something nice for her- my aunt just did this at her wedding- having an open seat for my great-grandmother who passed away last year- my aunt put a big butterfly decoration on the chair- it was so pretty. So if you want to do the slide show at your reception, go for it! But remember that she would want you to have the time of your life!
I wish you the best!
2007-08-27 04:07:16 · answer #8 · answered by m930 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your grandma would have wanted you to be happy and have the wedding you've been dreaming of. she wouldnt want you to scrap it all and just have a JOP wedding. go ahead and get married how you wanted. grandma will be there watchign over you and being so proud of you. I'm sorry for your loss and I know the pain it causes, but keeping busy with the wedding might help to keep your mind off of everything. I think the slide show thing is a great idea too...a way to remember her and celebrate her at the same time, just as long as it wont make you too emotional.
2007-08-27 02:58:01 · answer #9 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, I think that she would have wanted you to go on with the plans. And I think that you should play the slideshow anyway. Exept, you can make the slide show a tribute to your grandmother. It would be really special to your family, and it would be a great way to show your appreciation of your grandmother. I am terribly sorry to hear of your loss. I hope your wedding court or the big shebang, is wonderful.
2007-08-27 02:52:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋