Is it a violation to you step daughters privacy if you check their cell phone....?

Question

after she has clearly been disrespectfull and you have confiscated it from her? She has a text from her boyfriend saying he want her to have his baby! she is only going to be 16. So is it wrong or do the parents have the right to see what is on their cell phones?

So before she cam eot live with us about 4 months ago she was with her mother. Basically haveing the same problems. Her mother has had heron birth control sence she was 12 and we have had the talk about babies and sex. So she is well aware of all these things. But when she is with her bf or talks to him she is crying and very upset. So maybe I am wrong to be looking into her phone but I think she is planning for somthing that is much bigger then we think. I just want o make sure she is taken care of and not in the hands of this guy she say loves her but is always making her cry and unhappy.

for one thing she has already gone through my purse and other things at home.

Answer 1

She is a child. Its your responsibility to protect her, even from herself. Sounds like you and your husband need to talk about this. I wouldn't want my 16 year old planning a baby!

Answer 2

cell phones are just like diaries. you shouldn't go through them without permission. and a lot of guys say stuff like that, which is scary. but it usually doesn't mean anything.

And while most parents think that invading children's privacy is a great way to know what is going on, it actually isn't. If they figure out what you are doing then they can make you worry more by planting stuff.

In my family privacy has always been a given no matter how old you are. My mom respects my privacy and when I have a problem I just talk to her about it. When I don't want her to know and I want to handle it on my own then I keep it to myself.

Part of growing up is to make your own mistakes and live with the consequences. If parents are always getting involved how can they make mistakes and learn to grow?

I think at about age 15 or 16 parents should let the kid control more of their life that way they will already be getting ready for the real world. instead of being sheltered by their parents all the time.

My mom was really paranoid with me until I was in high school, then she started to loosen up and I haven't made a giant mistake yet.

Most of the time it is just better not to snoop. That is my point.

Answer 3

Normally I would disagree with invading someone's privacy, but you are her parent and you have her best interest at heart. She may be angry about it now, but someday she will realize that you were only trying to save her from making bad decisions. Teenagers are not capable of making good decisions because they are just learning about life.

It sounds like she is very insecure and perhaps feels unloved. Not your fault, but she is looking to this guy to make her feel loved and special because she perhaps did not feel that way by her parents growing up. She needs to stay away from him. It is hard to forbid a teenager to stay away from a guy because that will make her want to do it even more. It's a rebellion thing.

Have a talk with her and tell her that the consequences of her decisions could be life-altering. Having a baby (even if he's only joking) is nothing to joke around about. It affects everyone's life. The baby, her (as a parent) and you and your husband. She is not ready to have kids. I have a close friend who had a baby at a young age, and for over 10 years she was a single mom. She couldn't go out and do anything fun because she had a son to raise. It hinders her adulthood. She will not be able to participate in all of the fun things that young adults do. Like college, and meeting people, and learning how to love and get a job. There's so many reasons.

If she insists on seeing this guy, make sure they are heavily supervised. She should NOT be allowed to see him alone because he will pressure her. YOU are the parent and YOU make the rules, even if she make not like them. Kids need discipline.

Answer 4

If you pay for the cell phone and the calls, you have every right to check it. If you don't, then that could be considered invasion of privacy.

That being said, nothing is really black and white in this world. So if you're worried about her, then as a parent, you have every right to take good measures to make sure she is okay.

I would be very worried about the message you saw. She is obviously sexually active.

As for my kids (I have 3 teens) they know that I will check their cell or their msn or their email. They knew the rules going in to begin with. So me checking their email or cell or whatever is a known factor. It always has been and always will be.

You need to sit and talk with her about real life. Good luck to you both!

Answer 5

I think you have every right to check her cell phone. . . even more so if shes not the one paying for it. Its your job as a parent to know whats shes doing, and if you think shes up to no good, then I would be doing the same as you. It was less than 10 years ago that I was 16, and I know for a fact that I lied to my parents and snuck around alot to do things I knew they wouldn't approve of, so I don't belame you at all for wanting to do whats best for her.

Answer 6

Since she has clearly been disrespectful and as far as I am concerned has neglected to show any responsibility when using her cell..no I do not think its a vilolation of her privacy, especailly at age, not even 16!!! You have the responsibilty to protect your children from whatever harm as long as they live under your roof and rules..Children are growing up to fast in this day and age and have access to way too many technological issues..Hopefully one day she will appreciate and understand what you are doing..Good luck

Answer 7

It is your job as a parent (or even Step parent) to keep your children safe.
And there is no way, that these kids are going to tell us everything.
So we have to look for ways to keep them safe.

Until these kids live on their own, pay their own bills, and take care of themselves....they don't deserve privacy.
Especially, I'm sure that either her mother or father is paying for that cell phone bill, not her.
These kids today feel that they deserve "privacy".
Privacy is earned through trust.
Trust is earned through honesty.
But at their age, you know they aren't being totally honest with us parents.
So it's up to us to KNOW what our kids are doing.

You do whatever you have to do, to know what is going on in your child's life.
That is the only way to keep them safe.

Good luck ;)

Answer 8

Good grief, I would do more than check the cell phone . Parents should be told at once . She is a minor and guess who is going to be left to carry the burden for many years to come if that would take place . The boy friend's parents also should know . Scream it from the roof tops . You keep this a secret and you guys have an extra kid to support .Thank your lucky star you saw the message .

Answer 9

No!! I don't think it's wrong I just call it good parenting, I check my two teen son's my space and delete out older woman all the time that i just think is inappropriate for them to chat with, and I cheek messages on their cell phones because I have come across some filthy talk... And that was the rules when i got the phones and let them set up a myspace....

Answer 10

If you are paying for the phone and/or she is living under your roof and you suspect she is into something or doing something that could hurt her it is your job as her parent to pry, because if anything happens to her while she is under your roof and underage, the blame falls onto you.
If she gets into trouble, arrested, etc. There is privacy and then there is privacy. If you ask me teens today have WAY too much privacy and I'm sorry but it's not a right, it's earned when you are trustworthy and responsible. (I'm not talking about bathroom privacy either here.) If I thought my teen daughter was into trouble or anything she would lose rights to privacy...and her door might even come off of her room if need be. It's our job as parents to make sure our kids are safe as long as they are under our roof.

Answer 11

I'm a firm believer in privacy. I don't other people being in my business and I try to stay out of others. BUT... if I thought my younger sister (she's 17) were doing something dangerous to herself, physically or emotionally, I'd pry in a heartbeat. She'd be angry, but at least she'd be safe. If my suspicions were wrong, I'd apologize to her and hope that she could forgive me. If you already knew she was sexually active at such a young age (she's not even 16!!!!!), then you shouldn't be surprised to see a message like that, but if she'd been crying and upset and unwilling to talk, you had every right to see it.