Hi! All of these guests are people from my office - I've been back at work from my honeymoon for over a week and haven't even received a "congrats" or even just a card congratulating us. Plus, some of them keep going on about how great the food was - the food I paid $78 per guest for! I am very frustrated, but afraid I'm sounding too whiny about this. Do I have a right to be angry about this? I know I can't say anything but I can't force myself to be nice to these people either. Thanks!
2007-08-27 02:04:26 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Sure you can be mad but what good would it do?
I would not be mad at those 7 who did not give a gift. Gifts are NEVER required whether you can attend or not. It doesn't matter if it was $10 per plate or $100 per plate. Their presence should be their present to you.
Those who said yes to showing and didn't show, I'd be mad, they should have at least called to state they wouldn't be able to attend.
Those who said yes to showing but didn't show and didn't send a gift... I'd only be mad at them not calling to say they cannot show, and I wouldn't sweat the "no gift" because as I said before gifts are never required whether you can attend or not.
The ONLY thing I'd say, would be to those who said they would go but did not. "I wish you would have told me you were unable to make it, even at the last minute, so I could update my caterer, that was very rude of you".
2007-08-27 05:20:50 · answer #1 · answered by Terri 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can be peeved about the no-shows, but not about the gifts.
As far as the no-shows: If they sent in an RSVP card stating that they were planning to attend and then they didn't show up, then yes, that's very inconsiderate (unless there was an emergency). You paid for their dinner and then they didn't show; that's money that could have been spend elsewhere or saved. There's really not much you can do except reconsider whether you want to invite those people to other RSVP-required events.
As far as the gifts: get over it. No one is ever obligated to give anyone else a gift. There are also differences in culture and custom that would affect whether someone gives you a gift. Where I'm originally from, all the gifts are given at bridal showers and the only ones who give gifts at the wedding are people who couldn't come to the shower. It is not expected that every wedding guest should give a gift. I know now that this custom is not the norm, but it does exist. It is very possible that some guests simply did not know that they were expected to give a gift. (Until about 10 years ago, I would have definintely been in that category.)
But on a more basic level, getting bent out of shape because someone didn't give you a present is very childish. Presents should be given freely and not because they're expected.
2007-08-27 03:22:33 · answer #2 · answered by SE 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I got married last september and I think everyone goes through this type of problem. I was really upset at first, but I realized being mad does basically nothing to remedy the situation because the wedding is over and there is nothing you can do about it. People don't show who RSVP'd, people show up that didn't, some people give lavish gifts, some people skimp and come for the free food- it sucks when you are the one paying for it, but unfortunately thats just the way it goes.
2007-08-27 02:23:34 · answer #3 · answered by Kristi 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have no right to be mad about the gifts, weddings are gift optional, you didnt invite them for the gift you thought you would be getting did you? So no, dont be mad over the lack of gifts. Write a thank you anyway to thank them for coming to share in your day, and who knows, you may just get a gift, techniacally they have a year to send you one.
The people who rsvp'd yes but then did not show, yes you have every right to be annoyed, but I wouldnt say anything to them. I'd just let it go and remember for next time that they arent to be relied on, so you know not to invite them to anything else. But also, no, you cant get mad about not being given a gift by these people. Gifts are not mandatory for a wedding and although you may not be caught dead at a wedding without a gift, they may not feel the same way. You can never EVER get mad at any occasion that people didnt give you gifts and more so you cant voice your anger at not receiving any gifts, you will truly come across as a brat.
2007-08-27 02:15:09 · answer #4 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 7⤊ 1⤋
I think you already are mad, no sense asking our permission.
If you are this upset over not getting enough from your guests, send them a bill. Or write them a letter explaining your feelings that they should have given you a gift. The no-shows can be told that they are rude in your eyes. Don't force yourself to be nice to them. Phase them out of your life.
If people who gave a gift didn't cover their $78, they could get a letter too.
If all your wedding meant to you was a fundraiser, knock yourself out.
2007-08-27 04:41:13 · answer #5 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get over it. Not everybody shows up to weddings when they are invitied. You can maybe be a little irritated if guests didn't bring gifts, but at this point there is no sense in it - because it's not going to bring you gifts or happiness. The best thing to do is let it go and move on.
2007-08-27 03:23:07 · answer #6 · answered by GingerGirl 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
the first problem is that your upset over a gift. a wedding gift is an option, its not a must. people dont have to give a gift. I didnt get gifts from some of the people who attended my wedding either...no big deal. i wasnt getting married for the gift and I was putting out that money for the wedding anyways. if you expected a gift from everyone then you made the first mistake. as for no shows..it happens. almost everyone gets a few no shows...once again, I did too. no biggy. something might have come up and once again, they have no obligation to give you anything. as for your co-workers...I would keep your mouth shut. you have no right to be mad about not getting a gift from them as they didnt have to give one. (its prober that they do, and I always do at a wedding, but they dont have to) if you cant force yourself to be nice to them then I suggest you quit and find a new job.
2007-08-27 02:40:27 · answer #7 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Okay, I know you have a right to be upset but a couple of things.
Guests have up to a year to give you a gift. This is what I've been told by numerous people.
I had several people not give me a gift after my wedding but they may have done other things for me. You have to let go.
2007-08-27 03:30:26 · answer #8 · answered by Lyla 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to be angry with no-shows since you paid for their seat and they didn't have their behinds in them.
You do not have a right to be angry about not receiving a gift. Gifts are voluntary, not a requirement. Sometimes people are unable to afford a gift, but still attend the wedding. I don't know how well you know these people or their financial abilities, but please know that gifts are not requirements.
2007-08-27 03:32:43 · answer #9 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why do I suspect that you placed great hopes in the "fundraiser" aspect of giving a wedding, and have had those hopes disappointed?
I can understanding keeping a list who DID bring gifts -- so that you send them a personal thank you letter within 2 weeks of the wedding -- but why would anyone keep (or even create) a list of who did NOT bring gifts? So that they know where to direct their resentment? Lady, you are a piece of work.
2007-08-27 03:31:39 · answer #10 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋