Just an Ex. being when we went to Vegas he spent most of his time taking pictures of others womens butts and "camel toes." There were more pictures of women and their body parts then pictures of us. His argument was that he loves me and isn't going home with them. But it's still pretty hurtful, atleast in my eyes. He also stated that he was taking the pictures for his Captain(He's a fireman) and they weren't for him. Am I being an overly jealous girlfriend? I mean at first I didn't care but he kept doing it during the trip and at night when we would go out with friends and I started drinking it would come out, and he would blame everything on the intoxication instead of looking at himself and thinking, "Hmm, if this offends or hurts her maybe I should stop." But he doesn't think that way. It's just automatically my fault. Another, Ex. would be from last night. We went to a wine tasting got a little buzzed and he made a tounge flicker at this pretty woman, would that not upset you?
2007-08-27 01:41:13 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous1 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
**Note: The girl didn't see him flicking his tongue at her. But all the same when he made that action it upset me. I feel inferior. I feel ugly. I feel embarrassed. I feel like I am just a friend and no longer his girlfriend. This whole situation is depressing me. I can't sleep andmy eating diet has changed as well. But I know if I tell him any of this he'll just get upset with me and then end the conversation by saying that he's only kidding and he "loves me" blah blah blah." He's even said he likes to stir me up. That I can't take a joke. How is this joking? I think it's bullying, but he disagrees, and counter acts that I wont be able to make it in a Firehouse (Going to school to be a Medic/FF) which is untrue. I don't care what other people have to say, I care what he says b/c he's closest to me.
2007-08-27 02:08:00 · update #1
Oh and we're both in our twenties, this isn't little tweeny or teeny bopper love. It's supposedly an adult relationship....
2007-08-27 02:09:21 · update #2
Dear Sweetnez,
From reading you letter it is easy to see that you are feeling constant rejection and dissapointment. And you should be feeling this way, because that is exactly the response he is seeking...
You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. It is difficult for many people in your situation to understand what it means to be the victim of abuse at the hand of someone close to them. Often the victim "minimizes" their own feelings of pain, embarrasment and rejection for the sake of keeping the relationship safe, entact and putting the reaction of the abuser before their own needs for emotional stability and encouragement...
I think you mentioned doing something like this yourself... In that you said you would love to speak with him about his but you know he would just say he is joking and blame you.
You know already that this isn't a joke, because no one except for him is laughing. When people cause others pain and then laugh about the consequences... It's cruel, not funny.
No amount of talking to your boyfriend is going to change this relationship, because you CAN'T change HIM. He has gotten away with this behavior far to long for someone to simply redirect him and see any significant change in his behavior.
But enough about him... You need to focus on YOU! You are a vital, intelligent, driven and caring young woman. You are setting important goals for yourself and committing yourself to the care and protection of other people. In your career choice, you are putting the needs of others before your own.
This is commendable!
Regardless of our career choices, everyone deserves to have relationships that build us up, encourage us, challange us to be better people and foster mutual respect.
It sounds as if you have a great amount of respect for yourself, but you are letting someone else create doubt FOR you... This is simply a bad decision on your part.
I think you know that you have made a mistake in partnering with your guy... And, it is okay to make mistakes... I'm sure you've made other mistakes in your life time. The difference as I see it, is you have made the other the poor decisions right.
In reflection, I would imagine that you can look back on decisions when you realized the choice you made wasn't working for you and you did something to make it right!
You need to do that again... The problem, as you have described it, is not you or your ability to have a healthy, caring, mature relationship... The problem is the partner you have choosen to do this with.
Sweetnez, don't let any person alive tell you, you can't do something. Imagine the tremendous heros, advocates, and change-makers the world would have been without if they had listened to someone else tell them what they are capable of.
No one knows you better than you!! So stop listening to this guy and find one that is worthy of your respect.
And, remember... When you leave this guy behind you, you are doing this not only for yourself, but for the countless people who's lives will be changed for the better because you made a strong choice for yourself!
Clean cuts heal faster!
Troy
2007-08-27 03:49:42 · answer #1 · answered by troyaj1972 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actions speak louder than words, and his actions are not of a person in love. Ask his captain how he liked the pictures, this will let you know if they were really for him or not. I doubt he'll know what you are talking about! If this is how you like to be treated, well, stay with the bum, other wise, dump the creep. Or give him some of his own medicine and flirt with other guys and see how he likes it. Some times a guy has to be reminded that the girl just might leave before he decides just what he wants. Good luck.
2007-08-27 02:01:54 · answer #2 · answered by territizzyb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whether you've been together for 2 yrs or 20 yrs, he has no right to treat you that way. i would definitely be upset with that type of behavior. no matter how confident in the relationship i was, that is just inappropriate and shows how little he respects you or your feelings.
unless his captain personally funded that trip to vegas, than he didn't owe risking his relationship with you for his captain's entertainment.
i'm sorry to say, but if he doesn't get the clue now, or at least doesn't think about how these things are effecting you, he probably never will. tell him how you feel when neither of you have been drinking and see what he says.
2007-08-27 01:53:50 · answer #3 · answered by nrsldy04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my ex-husband.
It is not ok to disrespect you. If he truely loved you he would not behave in this manner.
I don't see a problem with his behavior if the woman he is with is truely ok with it. You are not ok with it and that is what makes it wrong.
You have stressed to him how it makes you feel and yet he does nothing to change.
He blames your intoxication so he doesn't have to take responsibilty for his own actions.
I am assumeing being intoxicated made it easier for you to speak your mind because he always turns it around on you no matter what is going on.
I bet anytime there is a problem he somehow makes you feel like you are wrong.
As far as his fireman buddy he can get his own pictures.
I would advise you to openly flirt with other men right in front of him, but from my own personal experience it blew up in my face. I also acted like I didn't care when my ex husband would flirt with other women.
Things got really bad. One of his ex girlfriends used to come over to visit. She stated to me if I ever left him she would swoop right in. He was in the shower when she said this. I told her go for it now. She jumped in the shower with him and left her boyfriend out in the living room with me. Talk about awkward.
He ended up cheating on me more than once. I cheated on him. We lived such a tainted life and now we are divorced.
I met a few more bad apples and finally found a man who not only can respect me but loves me dearly and would never behave in the manner of how your boyfriend and my ex husband behaves.
Men like that don't change because we want them to. Sometimes long down the road I think it is possible for change but not as long as we are with them.
My ex is still a big flirt who always crosses the line. It's been 10 years.
Do your self esteem some good and drop this guy. Your better then that.
I hope I have helped in some way
2007-08-27 02:31:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, you're asking the wrong question. You're asking if it's okay for him to treat you like that, when you should be asking how much of that you're willing to take. The mere fact that you're writing tells that you know this behavior is wrong. No man who really appreciates his lady would behave in that fashion and make her feel inferior to anyone in any way. But the fact of the matter is he's not the first guy to treat a woman this way, because you're not the first woman to put up with it.
I'm not saying he should be blind. But just because he sees other women doesn't mean that he should ogle them, and DEFINITELY shouldn't flirt with them. Intoxication is no excuse. "It's for my buddy" is no excuse. Face it, your man's a horn dog.
Now again, with this knowledge in hand, what are you going to do? I know women who know their man's a horn dog, and they try to make it work. I know women who, when faced with the same revelation, decide to step off. Understand this: YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM. All you can do is decide to live with it or not. (I'd recommend not, because there's plenty of good guys out there, but that's your choice and your business.)
Good luck whichever way you go.
2007-08-27 01:57:34 · answer #5 · answered by professormudo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
YeahI don't think that this is right at all. I had a guy that did this kind of stuff in front of me, and he was doing a lot more behind my back too. If he thinks this is okay just imagine what other things that he thinks is okay. I would tell him that it don't matter how long you have been with me that doesn't give you no right to treat me like ****. If it upsets you and continues you don't need to be with a person like this.
2007-08-27 01:49:09 · answer #6 · answered by Trinidy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your guy sounds very immature. Like, teenage style. In a healthy relationship, you would not be treated like this. It's up to you to leave him, because he's not going to change (believe me, I've tried).
And the tongue flicker would definitely upset me, both if I were the girlfriend or the other woman.
2007-08-27 01:47:52 · answer #7 · answered by Becca T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your boyfriend is being downright disrespectful of you. And he thinks you are dumb enough to buy that the pictures aren't really for him yeah right. If he wanted to ogle the other women and flirt he shouldn't have taken you on the trip! I'd tell him how I feel and if he can't understand that then he's a loser.
2007-08-27 01:49:52 · answer #8 · answered by Emily R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's okay for him to treat you like that. He can see that this upsets you, but he doesn't stop. Here's a tip you might be able to use. When he gets drunk, ask him whether or not he's in love with you or if he's just fooling around. Crazy I know, but people's inhibitions are severely lowered when they're drunk, therefore, he won't be able to lie to you if you ask him point blank. Good Luck!
2007-08-27 01:51:04 · answer #9 · answered by Animediva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got to be joking. A guy acting like that even with other guys is out of hand. It will just get worse - think tip of the iceburg. Don't try to fix him - learn from this and move on.
2007-08-27 01:51:56 · answer #10 · answered by Delay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋