My husband is deploying in a few days. I don't know how to tell my 2 1/2year old who loves his daddy to death. Every day on the way home from daycare all he talks about is how hes
going home to see daddy and play. I want to tell him daddy has special very important work to do but i dont know if he understands what "special" and "important" mean yet. I feel like this is a hard age because he can talk and will ask questions but im not sure what he will understand as far as answers. I know tons of people have dealt with this before . What did you tell your kids?
2007-08-27 01:06:47 · 10 answers · asked by tcb 4 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Being over here myself, with seven children, I can tell you it is hard to tell them but, you need to understand that he will only know that daddy isn't home. He may understand that daddy is a soldier and that will help him. The videos and pictures are a good idea to keep him remembering daddy. My first deployment was in the Persian gulf war and when I came home my two year old didn't even recognize me until I shaved off the mustache I had grown. Then, we didn't have any way to communicate with family except snail mail. Now with video and email and Instant messaging, he will be able to keep in touch. make sure that your son still talks to daddy when he can and it will be over before you know it.
Your son will have an easier time with the seperation then you will. Good Luck and God Speed!
2007-08-27 02:07:40 · answer #1 · answered by theanswerman63 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I've never had to do this, so bear that in mind....
What I think I would tell my kids is that their dad is one of the bravest daddies in the whole world and that he's going to do a really hard job way across the ocean because he wants to help make the world safe for all little boys and girls. I'd put up a map in the kitchen and put a little pin in it showing where we live and another little pin showing where daddy is going. I'd hang a calendar next to it and say/show - after Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc THEN the best holiday of all will be the day daddy comes home. Next to that I'd hang a big manilla envelope so that everyday you/your son can put something in to send to his dad - a picture drawn by your son, a new pic of your son, note on a napkin of something funny your son said or a new skill he developed - just any little thing. And then once a week take it together to mail to dad.
Yes tell him how important dad's work his and how special dad is for doing it - then tell him that nothing on earth is more important to dad than his little guy and that he'll be missing his son everyday.
I've much respect for your husband and family - god bless and god speed to him in his journey.
2007-08-27 01:27:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Saying that he is going away to help people is probably the easiest way to tell him.
Sesame Street made a short episode about this with Elmo's father having to leave. It may help to watch it together before he leaves. It is a free download on iTunes under Free TV.
Your Family Support Group and Family Assistance Centers may be able to help too.
More then likely, he will be resilient, kids adapt fast. I think the harder part may be when your husband returns. That takes a little more time to the adjustment.
I had to explain to a 3 year old what my job as a soldier was. I told him my job was to scare away the bad guys. He understood that because he liked superheroes. I was in a Training Unit at the time and he came to vist, so I explained that I was teaching the other soldiers how to scare away the bad guys. Then when I had to deploy when he was 4, I was able to explain that now I had to go away with the soldiers I trained to scare the bad guys away. He was able to understand that from TV shows he watched.
I hope the best for you and your family.
2007-08-27 02:08:11 · answer #3 · answered by mnbvcxz52773 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
there is no easy way of telling your 2 year old son that daddy is deploying most children are very proud of there solider fathers and kids understand allot more than what we think it wont be easy but just explain to him that daddy is a solider and he needs to go away for a while to be a solider and protect other people from bad people your son will be a little upset but hell know that his daddy is a hero sometimes when im in the store i will get a small child running up to me and he will be proudly braging about his daddy the solider
it also helps if you give him someting of daddies to sleep with at night as well and keeping many pics around of him
2007-08-27 01:25:09 · answer #4 · answered by Honey Badger Doesnt give a Shat 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
right now were going trough that for the 4th time. i just tell them that daddy is working out far away and he'll be home when its cold right before santa gets here. they don't quite have the concept of time down so use something like thier birthday christmas season change ect to let them know. we also keep a calander with his project return date so we can mark off the days. my daughter has some of her daddy's shirts to help her sleep. we tried kisses in a jar but then if the kids eat them all at once and daddy isn;t home it causes more tears. be prepared for statements like "daddy's lost" the broke my heart when my oldest (now 3 1/2 ) would tell everyone that. its amazing what a year can do, she now tells everyone that daddy is in the ocean when he's out.
2007-08-27 02:07:48 · answer #5 · answered by jalopina98 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
only love him and reassure him that Daddy loves him and could be homestead quickly! For a 2 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous, they do no longer look to be even thoroughly psychologically separated from mom at that age. Daddy is considerable, yet mommy is comparable to toddler interior the ideas of a 2 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous. only hug, carry, kiss, hum, sing, communicate, smile, properly suited lovingly, element issues out, clarify issues and don't end until eventually Daddy returns! Then the newborn will reacquaint himself to Daddy over the years. additionally, locate out approximately PTSD by using your physician. you will have a undertaking while your husband returns and information is the only weapon which you will have via fact PTSD sneaks up on you and the Veteran. So only get waiting. additionally, commence if their isn't one obtainable already, a help team of spouse's with infants and learn how to help and beware for the different.
2016-10-17 02:31:42 · answer #6 · answered by saucier 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would explain to him that daddy is going to help other families with little boys like him. Do not be specific with things like times and dates. When he asks questions, just answer the questions without going into detail. He won't understand everything.
One of the best videos to watch regarding deployment is "Talk, Listen, Connect: Helping Families Cope with Military Deployment" is available at no cost to military members and their families at www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc.
You can aways use a video cam and have your husband reading bedtime stories. Also have him record birthday wishes, Christmas greetings, things like this.
I also suggest to my families to go to Build A Bear and have daddy build a special bear and record I Love You and put it in the bear and give it to the kids. It is the child's "special" daddy bear.
Good luck with your deployment.
2007-08-27 04:20:56 · answer #7 · answered by Diane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We've always told our kids about it as soon as we had the information. Now we didn't do it with dates or too many specifics when they were that young but let them know just what you said: Dad's work is very important and that the work was taking him away. If he's ready for more information than that, you'll know by the questions he asks.
Now he's going to be feeling a lot and may not have the language to express it yet. That can lead to some acting out on his part. You don't have to let him get away with any bad behavior, in fact it's better if you can keep to the same rules as when dad's home. But you can deal with it a little more calmly if you know it's going to happen. Another thought to help him express emotions he's feeling but doesn't have the words for is a picture chart like this: http://www.cranberrycares.org/emotionchart_files/image002.jpg. Kids can point to the picture that looks like they feel more easily than expressing it in words sometimes.
At 2 your son may be able to help pack a "sea bag" or whatever your DH is packing to take with him. Letting him help gives him some control over this good bye. Or get together with him and pack something small but special for DH to open later.
At that age we found a lot of toys that could be personalized by Dad. Phones that you could put a picture in and then record a short message so Dad could "call" home whenever my DD's needed to hear his voice. And lots of picture frames or photo albums that they could carry with them. There are even companies that can put your DH's picture on a doll for your son to carry but I can't find the links right now.
Another resource for you is the Elmo/TLC video. You can usually find free copies on base at family support centers and chaplains offices but you can also order one from Military One Source: http://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/home.aspx. Scroll about 1/2 way down the page. They also have lots of good articles about coping and helping kids cope with deployment and a live help line 24/7 if you ever need it.
You can also find some toddler books that help explain what a military parent does at your local library or bookstore. I know we found several that dealt with dad's who have jobs that take them away and while not all of them were military jobs they helped the kids understand that for some families this is normal. And they gave good ideas about ways to stay in touch even over distance. One good set of books is here: http://www.booksforbrats.net/.
Most of all though, realize that this is not going to be a one time coversation. You can expect it to happen over and over again until after your DH gets back. It can be hard to keep answering the same questions and saying the same thing but that's what your son may need in order to feel secure right now.
2007-08-27 02:22:37 · answer #8 · answered by Critter 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
two year olds dont really have any concept of time. they can understand "here " and "not here" , trying to explain the "why " as important or special is almost impossible. two yr olds have more of a "me" concept - they are the center of their world . personally i would try to divert his attention from "daddys not here" to lets make this for daddy , do this for daddy - get a video camera so that every day after school he can tell daddy about his day, have daddy read , tell stories into a tape recorder so that every night you can let him listen to part of it for a few minutes. good luck . you , your husband and son are in our prayers.
2007-08-27 01:31:15 · answer #9 · answered by kayann01 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
i think honestly to tell the truth but not to elaborate . daddy has to go away to work and has to travel. he will be away for awhile , but we can write to daddy , call daddy , and remember daddy and most importantly pray for daddy. is there any counseling available for families to prepare them for deployments / seperations of this type ? maybe the wives could know each other / meet so that they can partner be support for each other ? would be nice to know another mom to ask for a daycare favor in an emergency. or someone to call when you are really worried / missing your partner.
honestly, i would go awol myself . go to canada or switzerland and get political asylum. you can make a living anywhere you want to go. i do not understand why military people are willing to enlist and do this job . not too late to reconsider your options.
i really am sorry for your husband and family.
2007-08-27 01:39:20 · answer #10 · answered by Mildred S 6 · 1⤊ 8⤋