Is this a good idea???

Question

I'm 27, still living at home! I moved out against my Mother's wishes at 21, moved back a few years ago when I had less money!! Anyway, it's getting to the point of driving me to tears again. My mother used to hit me LOADS when I was a kid and put me down A LOT. I don't have much confidence beacuse of this so find it hard to make friends and go out. I am proud of myself though, with GP help I have halved my antidepressants and done a skydive!! Now I want to move out again. I have a savings account my Mum looks after for me, I don't mind this as she is a good accountant. But, feel she OWNS me beacuse of this. I have an account she doesn't know about, and am going to save up money to move out with. I used to have an eating disorder and she is always calling me fat, then if I lose a tiny bit of weight I am too thin. I think she is doing this to control me. I have signed up to a yoga class to be independant. I just need some support and encouragement!!! And more GOOD friends.

Answer 1

I'm for you Hun. Your mother is jealous of you and what you do.Ask her for the money, if she refuses call the police. Trust me, my parents thought they ruled me too, until i moved out and stuck up for myself. I know it`s your mother, but the only thing holding you back doing your own thing is emotional ties.
I wish you luck, and hope for the best for you. You will thrive given the chance to do your own thing. xxx

Answer 2

You're working on it! I think you're developing a positive attitude there, good for you! I wouldn't be able to do a skydive, wow ... I'm very impressed.

I think it would be good for you to move out, and to someplace fairly distant from your Mum. You don't want her arriving around anytime she likes. Absolutely DO NOT give her a key to your new place, do not give her the opportunity to sneak a copy either. Move such a distance away that she has to make an appointment to see you. Also, you could encourage her to try a class of some sort too, it sounds like she needs something to occupy her mind.

It it's your money in that savings account, why don't you just get it out? Put it into the other account? It IS in your name, that first account? So why not just take it? You don't have to answer to her on this score, if it's your money.

To be honest, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Your mother sounds like she's needy, but is sufficiently aware of this to resent it. You are right to take steps towards your independence.

I wish you all the best with this, and hope you and your Mum make peace with each other eventually.

Answer 3

Parents always know how to press their kids buttons - they installed them!

The easy answer is for the two of you to seek counselling, if she agrees, great! It's surprizing how having a third party point out the unhealthy behavior patterns can open everyone's eyes. Your mother probably honestly thinks she's doing the best for you, but she's probably just repeating the unhealthy behaviors she learned from HER mother.

If (as is more likely) she refuses, you need to learn to see when she is pulling your strings and just ignore it. You already realize how unhealthy she is, she's in no position to judge you.

And take control of all of your money NOW - that is a BIG sign of a controlling personality. Ask your mother to show you everything she's been doing with your money, that's a good way to learn how to do it yourself.

Finding friends isn't always easy, but I recommend joining groups. The yoga class is a good start, but pursue your other interests - church, book clubs at the library, whatever. Check your local community education, there are lots of inexpensive classes, and you have the excuse of studying to spend extra time with people. (Take a money management class!) Plus you'll be away from your mother. Don't be too needy, that scares people away.

Good luck! Realizing there is a problem gets you halfway to solving it.

Answer 4

Hi,

What a nightmare situation. But it sounds as though you are doing your upmost to try and improve your life.

Sometimes we just have to know when to walk away from people. Just because they are related to us, it does not necessarily mean that they are good for us.

Your mother sounds as though she is a very unhappy, insecure woman, with possible control freak tendencies.

You carry on as you are and you will be just fine. Get your own place, study and get that good job, if you don't have it already. Get out there as much as possible and meet new people. In time to come you might marry or get into a relationship and have kids, or whatever. Or you might just find yourself an adopted family.

Either way, even if you end up alone it's got to be a damm sight better then where you are now. The best of luck to you. Don't let other unhappy people spoil whatever little time you have left on this earth.

Life is for the living...

xx Michelle

Answer 5

your mum might think she is doing things in your best interest, but you are clearly not happy. see your GP for some counselling. you may not think you need it but it would help you be more assertive and then you could move on with your life. i really don't think living in an environment where your mother is constantly criticising you is good. you need to be out on your own, but you will need help to do it. take control of your money back, after all it is yours. your yoga class will be the first step to making new friends. i wish you luck

Answer 6

Look, you are an adult. It is up to you on what you let mom have control over and what you put up with. Stand your ground. Negotiate the rules. If you want to be an adult, then use the money you have and go get on your feet. Maybe find someone who is very independent and doing well to room with while you do that.
This is your life. You control it. You decide how you will feel, how you will act and where you will go. She is your mom and will have lots of opionions on all of it, but in reality this is your dream and you have to be true to yourself. No one is going to meet your needs or make you happy except you.

Tai-Chi and yoga are excellent for you health, your mind, and your body. I cheer your efforts. Part of being an adult is taking care of yourself by eating well and healthy, exercising to release stress and stay fit, and meeting your own needs. Once you know you are loved by you and important to yourself, others won't have any power any more. You will choose how to feel, how to act and how to live. Their actions, feelings and behavior are up to them.

Time to continue your journey. Start by being your own best friend and do not allow anyone to mistreat you in any way. Stick up for your rights, expect respect and give respect. Get up, get out and get on with your life. You are an adult. It is your dream. Go live it.

Answer 7

Independence is a state of mind, not a state of being. If you know you can do anything on your own and that you are working towards moving out... it means you are independent and don't let anyone tell you anything else. A large part of being independent is believing yourself, trusting yourself and liking yourself..

And yes, starting a yoga class is a great idea, if its what you want to do... go do it!

Answer 8

Okay so she controls the account. Can you tell her you want the account? If not do you have access to the account to transfer the money to your other account?

But how does her good accounting skills benefit you? The bank is the one that provides you interest.

Answer 9

I would say for surely move out!! Hopefully your relationsip can get better,if not then i guess it dont mean that much to your mother.I would just iqnore the fact that she calls you names.Sounds ot me shes trying to give you bad feelings so she can hang onto you longer.I wish you lots of luck if you ever wanna chat i have msn and yahoo messenger just email me ok.

Answer 10

From what I can understand you are getting stronger and taking control of your life. That's a good sign. Don't let her comments or how she did you make yourself feel belittled. If you need a good friends, I can be one. Good luck!