this week alone, my boyfriend's parents took away repayment of his $18,000 in student loans and absolutely prohibited him from going a job interview he was salivating over. after an ugly fight between them he conceded to them and did not go.
he lives at home and is miserable every day. he works at a public company where his dad is his boss. he says he is moving out of their house by the end of october and knows i am leaving him if it does not happen.
he told them in advance about this interview and plans on telling them in advance that he is moving out.
i attend 12 step meetings for co-dependence and am a single mom. we are both 24. he is kind, honorable and decent to my family. am i doing the right thing? is this hopeless?
2007-08-27 00:55:23 · 10 answers · asked by blahblahblah 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he's 24 - quite old enough to get another job, move out of mom and dad's place, and repay his own student loans
if he can't handle that, he can't handle a relationship that goes beyond being a boyfriend, no matter how kind and decent he is
2007-08-27 01:01:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
That is not emotional abuse. That is his parents controlling his life and him allowing them to do it. He's an adult, not a child. He needs to find another job and move out.
But be sure that YOU don’t now want to take over the job of controlling his life. Because this statement here: "he knows i am leaving him if it does not happen" I find a little bit concerning. Frankly, I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who, at 24, still lives at home and allows his parents to control his life either. But regardless, those are *his* decisions, not yours. You have no right to try to force him to do what you want him to do, and by issuing an ultimatum, that’s basically what you’re doing. Realize that there is a huge difference between supporting/encouraging him and controlling/forcing him.
Personally I think Boyfriend needs be on his own for a while and may benefit from some counseling too, because often people who have had controlling parents end up with controlling women/men, simply because they don’t know how to be in control of their life and they need someone to do it for them. Then in the end, they end up resenting that person for it.
2007-08-27 01:28:26 · answer #2 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there :)
My heart goes out to you & your boyfriend :)
If doing the right thing means standing by your boyfriend then yes I believe you are doing the right thing, as he needs your support.
If you are making him choose between you & his parents (I'm not saying you are wrong) then I'm not sure that is the right way to go, as I believe this young man has more than enough pressure at the moment.
Helping someone is often thankless but is never hopeless :)
I wish you both well & hope all works out for you both Mazzy :)
2007-08-27 01:09:08 · answer #3 · answered by maztelplus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is not hopeless...
please help this guy out. support him in what is going to make his life better. he is an adult and a man for that matter. its time he stood his ground and built his life. his parents have already set theirs(their lives), why are they controlling him?why r they acting in such an insecure manner??u know this could negatively affect his life in future. he may end up behaving the same towards those people who are close to him, including u...
2007-08-27 01:20:58 · answer #4 · answered by eversmiling1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, help him out. Seriously, put yourself in his shoes, being emotionally abused by his parents, you don't know if they have brainwashed him into thinking he can't live without them and their money. Besides, you don't know if he thinks you are the only support he has to make the move. If you truly and honestly love him, support him by letting him know he can live on his own. Its hard to find good men, or so i've heard.
Besides it is hard going to college and working. Even more so if his dad gets mad after he moves out and fires him, forcing him to find another job.
2007-08-27 00:59:56 · answer #5 · answered by Fulanito 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
His parents are selfish people. Yes, he needs to get out of there and even turn them in.
2016-01-02 01:43:01 · answer #6 · answered by Jorge 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is his fault for permitting his mothers and dads to handle him so undesirable. tell him he has to take care of himself, because of the fact his mothers and dads are taking benefit of him. He could desire to even call the law enforcement officers on them. those are not his mothers and dads, they're his enemies.
2016-10-03 07:21:08 · answer #7 · answered by calandra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should give him a support but not by leaving his house.just told him to discuss with his parents and if u care for him you also will be there just by his site to give support and love.
2007-08-27 01:04:19 · answer #8 · answered by Aya 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as long as you feel it's right nothing can change your mind to make you think it wrong, and just hold faith, it's only hopeless when you give up hope
2007-08-27 01:04:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course not.
2007-08-27 00:59:10 · answer #10 · answered by leyenda_asturias 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋