Should I go back??????

Question

I left my husband of 17 years,because he cheated on me.I moved 600 miles away to my mothers.We were starting a new life together after getting off drugs we had moved to a new town,gotten a place&we both got good jobs&for the first time in a long time I felt like this was it.I thought we were really getting our life back&we were happy.Then after about 6 months I found out he was cheating.I stayed for about 3 weeeks& he was late getting home one day &I decided I didn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if he was where he really said he was or if he was out f****** someone.So here I am almost 2 months later[I've seen him once] we talk everyday,I love him,he says he'll never do it again,but I don't trust him&I'm afraid I never will,but the thought of getting a divorce&cutting our ties is heartbreaking.Please help me!!!!!!!!!

He did only cheat once.He cant tell me why he did it he only says he thought he wasn't happy,but now since I left he knows what being unhappy is all about.I do believe he's truly sorry.I just don't know if I can ever really trust him

Answer 1

I am going through the same thing it hurts so bad and it will hurt for years. but the truth is he keeps cheating on you because you keep letting him. Every time you accept his bad behavior with just a cussing out or walking out but still tolerate him and enjoy him he's thinking I can do whatever I want to do because she loves me so much she'll never leave me alone, she will get over whatever I do . Your self esteem is probably low because of him,and you think know one will ever love,respect and understand you like he does ....but NEWS FLASH - He doesn't love you, respect you ,or understand you.
If he did he wouldn't treat you like he does. Further more he doesn't deserve you.Stop being his fool work on you and finding your self esteem and get yourself healthy before thinking about another relationship....You are in my prayers...(you can live without him)

Answer 2

Some of the people who answered say he cheated on you twice, but from what I understood he did it once? 17 years together is a long time and during that time mistakes are bound to be made as we are only human. It looks like you definitely want to give him another chance but are afraid to get hurt again. No one can give you advise on such a life changing decision. The only thing I can suggest is couple therapy, so you can deal with your pain and he can fully grasp his part in it. If he is not willing to do that, then he is not willing to work for your marriage. But if you give up now you will always wonder how sincere his sorrow was and if it was worth ending it.

Answer 3

I believe that once a cheater always a cheater and I think it's very rear that you find a man that won't do it again he will just be more careful next time not to get caught. but why hurt your self wondering what he's doing every night he's home late or if he's even at work if you cant trust him i wouldn't get back together you will just drive your self crazy. just ask your self are you willing to forgive and forget and trust him again? did he cut off the relationship with the one he cheated on you with after you left him or did he keep it going for a while you were gone anyways? did he have sex with her in your bed were you slept with him? if your going to be thinking stuff like that don't go back start a new life. good luck

Answer 4

I disagree with the "once a cheater always a cheater" thinking. I think that maybe there was still something wrong between you 2 that you didn't know about (that's often why they cheat). If he loves you and you still love him, an affair doesn't have to mean it's over. Get marriage counseling and find out what's going on in his head so you can get a clearer picture of things. If he cheats chronically that's different, but a lot of marriages have survived a tough thing like infidelity and gone on to be wonderful. If it's just the one time and you love him, forgive him (but find out WHY he cheated so you can make sure he won't do it again), and let him know that if he ever betrays you again it's over.

Answer 5

He's a cheater and that's something he cannot stop doing without help. You know that time is limited and each minute you waste wondering where he is is just a waste of your life. Trust is a difficult thing after once but after twice the word fool comes to mind. He wants you and he wants his fun. What do you want for yourself? You have a lot of time invested in him and I'm sure it's difficult to just chunk it and he's relying on that. Do you really love him or are you just comfortable with where you are in life? Starting over can be difficult but it can be very rewarding and peaceful. It's all your choice. I'll bet your husband is dating someone else while he is talking to you. You know I'm right. And one day you'll look at him and ask yourself just what am I doing? And you'll be through--finally. How much time are you going to waste? He knows you will wait around and hang on his every word. I'll never tell anyone to give up on their marriage but you need to really take a good look at your husband and your life.

Answer 6

Relationships are basically habits. It's soooooooo easy to get back into something that is a bad habit. You remember how it was in the beginning, all the good times, celebrations and how comfortable you feel when you are with him. You have to get over that though. He obviously wasn't fulfilled by you 100%. *not saying it's your fault* You seriously need to move on and find someone new or just be by yourself. You don't need someone that says they love you and goes on and cheats on you. You say you are afraid that you will never trust him again, that's your guy instinct and you need to go with that. Last thing... he's the only man that you've known for the last 17 years so I know it's going to be hard for you. But stay strong and don't let him make you weak with his broken promises and B.S. when he's trying to get you back.

Answer 7

You have every right not to trust him. Remember you caught him cheating, and he said he would be true, and soon forgot, and was cheating again. So, what makes it so different this time? No one to do the wash and cooking now? I don't know, that's a real touchy subject. Normally, once a cheater, always a cheater. Cutting your ties is heartbreaking, but you waking up in a couple years down the road when your older, and him cheating again-is down right shameful for you! The most important person right now!!!

Answer 8

It depends on how much you love him.
Some guys cheat if you're happy with your life at home and know he's cheating then I think I'd cut off the sex if he's poking God knows who.
But if the rest of your life is comfortable you might want to stay, besides shouldn't the house be yours anyway.
Maybe that's just tv.
Anyway it's up to you if you miss him enough then go back if you want but make him pay in some way, you know get something out of his mistake.
Good Luck

Answer 9

Sometimes its hard to gain back the trust after he violated every thing that you trusted him with and because of what he did you see him as a different person. People say they will never do it again but at times its easier to talk the talk and not walk the walk. I'd say if you're willing to forgive him and continue your life with him I would suggest maybe getting some counseling. Other than that, Just move on with your life.

Answer 10

Its a hard decision to make. I would say if it didn't bother him the first time when he cheated on you then what would stop him from doing it again. He may regret his actions but its kinda hard to say not knowing the person.. You will just have to use your best judgment and make a decision. Change is hard to do.. alot of times is easier to stay in a bad relationship then to go throu a divorce .. and all the work it requires to start a new relationship with someone.. But u might be happier if u do.... good luck to you