What defines a relationship? As opposed to 'companionship', and 'friends with benefits'. It's not all about sex and we're not seeing other people and not really looking, but we're not commited.
We had common friends and I'd met him a couple of times when he was looking for a date for his bro's wedding. I said i'd go with him. We had a great time and continued to see each other, but never in any official capacity. He said about a week in that he was not looking for a 'relationship'.
He's super busy with school and is kinda worried that he'll fail out and ruin his life cause he's almost 30, he's had his heart really broken 2 years ago, he's gonna move away to some work camp thing when he's done in 2 years. I slept with him right after the wedding cause i was real drunk.
We're going to be in school together soon. If we hang out at lunch, watch movies and sleep together for the next long time...what do we have? Is it a relationship by default?
Is this my fault? his?or is it cool?
2007-08-26 17:56:02 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What do you have? I think it is called "sex". ☼
2007-08-26 18:01:09 · answer #1 · answered by Faedra 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He was honest enough to tell you the truth. You have exactly what you say you have-no committment. So is that what you want out of life or do you deserve more out of someone. You will never get into a good relationship while you let this guy drag you down. When you go through life, never settle for less than you deserve. And never sleep with anyone because you are drunk. That's when you make really stupid mistakes. When you go to school, make some new friends and start having a good time and meet some people that are going places and will be doing things-not going to a work camp. College should be a very exciting time in your life but the choices are all yours. Your life will be exactly what you choose. So what do you want? And remember-time runs out much sooner than you think-don't waste any of it.
2007-08-26 18:05:15 · answer #2 · answered by towanda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Questions that have no answers as the anwswers to these questions depends entirely on your values and the standard you set for them. Your values and your standard again depend on your upbringing, your religious calling if you have one etc stc. But it boils down to these. As a human being you have to have your own self esteem and self respect. You then have things which you do not give away as if they are available to all and sundry. That includes your virginity, you innocence and your peace of mind. Now I am not preaching to you about morality as such or that I am a better person than you. However I do know that people often ask themselves the same question (and that include me before) whether they have been short changed. The reason they do that is because they suddenly realise that they have given up so much of what they would have kept to themselves for better times and better bargains and better deals. But for whatsoever reason, they suddenly realise that they get little back after giving so much up. Back to your question - if you get nothjing back but simply the short term thrills of sleeping around, a dinner or two - why sacrifice so much. I think if you put a higher "price" tag or value to yourself you will feel that others do not take you for granted. Love yourself first and then learn to love others. If that man of yours feels that he is too busy with his stuff, then you are delat with second best. I bet he was not like that when he first met you. Why bother ? Familiarity breed contempt and much more so when someone got the best out of you already. Buit at the same time do not be cynical with human relationship - there will be those who are genuine. Problem is how to distinguish bnetween the two. I think on balance if you treasure yourself and not give everything away - normally you come up trumps. You sorry to say gave away your most precious jewel - that is your modesty and so you felt the costs. Start all over again - remember - keep your most precious things to yourself. Learn from the past and you will conquer the future. Take care and be gracious to yourself for it is through a lot of learnings that you become wiser. I am going in circles but that is life.
2007-08-26 18:14:40 · answer #3 · answered by Huang W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not in a "relationship" so you don't get to have expectations. He can back out at any time and you aren't allowed to have any hurt feelings about it. At least that's what he would say if he could honestly answer your question.
There's a a whole paragraph of excuses there justifying his lack of commitment. Always a bad sign. You need to ask yourself if you want a "relationship" and if so, this is not the one for you. But if you are just biding your time until something better comes along, go ahead. Just remember, no hurt feelings if he finds something better first.
2007-08-26 18:05:17 · answer #4 · answered by KR 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you have? - Good sex hopefully.
Enjoy it for what it is & stop giving it so much thought.
Recognize it for what it is also so that you don't end up with expectations that can't be fufilled.
It's ok to have freinds of this kind, we have many people in our lives that we like for different reasons & on different levels.
To assume that every relation we have has to fit the ideals & standards of others would be a disservice to ourselves.
Intimacy doesn't have to equal relationship.
They are 2 different things which are great together but can also be experienced & enjoyed seperately.
2007-08-26 18:11:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
at the moment your friends with benefits that has a lot of potential to be something more. know your in an open relationship and could possibly be hurt and vice versa for him. he seems to be into you and harmless, but don't be fooled. if your confuse as far where you 2 stand, then why not ask him? you might scare him, upset him, confuse him, etc...but at least you will know where you stand with this guy. then you will know what to do from there, at least i hope your smart enough to know. good luck.
it's BS to assume that all he wants is sex, because you havent asked. it wouldn't be fair to assume that. remember you wanted to sleep with him! i know you were drunk at the time being, but don't you cop out and blame it on alcohol...it would be pathetic on your part. i'm sure most women here will say that all he wants is sex, but that's crap if you never took the time and ask.
2007-08-26 18:08:20 · answer #6 · answered by skeezbucket 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i had that with my friend...He called us "experiment buddies" because it was different than friends with benefits cause we didn't have sex. Well he might be scared of commitment or likes you and doesn't want to ruin what you 2 have by trying a relationship..My friend used the scared of commitment when i asked him out. But we still had fun and cuddled and all that and now we r still great friends...Don't stress to much if you like what you have then stick to that..But if you want more and he doesn't it might be better to pull away so you don't get to into him and end up hurt
2007-08-26 18:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by Rayray 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It means you are friends with benefits, if this situation suites you fine then that is o.k, but if it's a commitment or emotional conection you are after I'm affraid he's tellling you that he's not gonna supply you with that, us girls sometimes mistake sex for love, commitment or relationship, but to a guy that's all it is, sometimes you don't mean to fall for him but you do, so be carefull you don't have your heart broken when he can't be there for you on an emotional level, when you need him. Also if he chooses to.. say, date another girl you can't say to him your cheating on me or whatever cos your not his GF.I hope I make some sense.
2007-08-26 18:33:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a relationship is consider two people who are loyal to one another.on the other hand cuddling and sleeping together is more of a understanding and if that what you chose to do enjoy.but if your looking for more ask for more if you don't get it there move on and get what you want.either way make sure you're happy after all it is your decision and you're life and no one can make up your mind but you. i hope i helped a little,good luck on your choice.
2007-08-26 18:20:54 · answer #9 · answered by carla t 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he has trust issues due to his heart already haven been broken, and may have a hard time dealing with the truest kind of relationship. Don't push him into anything though. It's difficult to describe your situation is a real relationship, I think at best it's no more than a case of really good friends.
2007-08-26 18:00:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Friends with Benefits
2007-08-26 18:00:36 · answer #11 · answered by LittleBunny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋