Im overweight and my Boyfriend said....?

Question

my boyfriend is perfect, he is everything i want in a man and has never hurt me for the last couple of years we have been going out. He has never said anything about my wieght, and he thinks im obsessing about nothing...

a few days ago, we were at a mall there was this really hot girl, and i was looking at her (I work in advertising so im always checking out hot girls for model material) and i was like (to my BF) 'wow i wish i looked like that' and he was like ' are you crazy? then you will leave me for some other guy" :O

I mean thats the most chavantistic thing to say right? and it has all sorts of implications...he wants me to stay fat beacuse he is insecure etcc.. he has never hurt me in anyway before and up to now he is the most unchauvanistic man I know... and I would never give up the great thing we have going.. but is this cause for concern?

I did ask him to explain himself...but he was like 'I don't know why i said it and i wish i could take it back'.. HELP!

Answer 1

Sweetie...this guy has been with you for two years despite you being overweight. It shows that it doesn't bother him..he loves you for who you are. Don't nail him to the wall for the comment...it doesn't sound like he intentionally meant to hurt you. If it's becoming or has been a problem in the past enough for you to worry about it ...then try to lose weight for yourself and your emotional well being as well as your over health. He's not asking you to do it and hasn't shown that its a priority for him to continue the relationship with you so its all up to you and how you want to see yourself. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Not really, it is actually a very common answer/reaction to that statement... My s/o has said similar things and he is a huge (no pun intended) heavy women lover... But even he has the slight worry that I would be more attractive to men if I lost weight... It doesn't mean he is only with you because you are heavy and he knows you can't go anywhere... Think about what your instant thought is if he says a skinny woman is attractive... probably along the lines of "maybe that is what he'd rather..." Maybe he has some insecurities, but who cares.. we all do... Don't overthink it unless there is more to this story then you are stating... If your relationship is strong, you are good to each other, have a lot in common and neither has ever strayed, then just chalk it up to the wrong thing said.... Trust me hon, it will happen quite often... Men are very good at staying stupid things, but some of them have good intentions, and it sounds like for the most part yours does!!! :) Good Luck

Answer 3

There isn't anything wrong if your boyfriend had said, "Well, I want you to stay the way you are because . . ." some guys prefer girls with a little bit more meat on their bones. My fiance` is 6'3" and I'm 5'1"

I'm not fat, but I'm far from skinny and I do have some hips - but my fiance` doesn't want me to get too skinny or else he could seriously harm me. lol.

I don't think it was necessarily a rude thing for him to say to you. And you said he tells you that you are obsessing over nothing - I don't think he meant it the way you think he did. He clearly finds you beautiful and maybe you're the one that doesn't really think you're something? Well, what would happen if you became a hot, young, too-skinny model, your ego would get a huge boost and you may develop the thought that you're too good for him. (I know you wouldn't but bear with me.)

What I'm trying to say is thay your boyfriend seems to not present any cause for worry - if he seems to be like a gentleman, then what he said was simply taken for something else. A RUDE thing of him to say was that, "Yeah, you should look like that."


;)

Answer 4

Your boyfriend just doesn't want to lose you. If you attract a lot of attention by guys, he thinks you might leave him. Just assure him that you want to lose weight for yourself, not to attract more attention from other guys.

Your boyfriend thinks you're perfect the way you are, and so many people want that. Are you sure you're even overweight? Some girls exaggerate about their weight, and they can actually be perfectly healthy.

But if you really want to lose weight, then I say go for it. It's not your fault for your boyfriend's insecurities. Just keep letting him know that even if your outside appearance does change, you're not going to be leaving him anytime soon because your personality and attraction to him hasn't changed a bit.

He just doesn't want to lose you. He's just a concerned boyfriend. Just have a heart to heart. Let him know about your insecurities, and maybe then he'll understand why you want to lose weight.

Good luck! I hope all goes well!

Answer 5

Is he insecure? But he may have just said that cuz he was joking around. Maybe this isn't something you should be concerned about unless you are insecure yourself. But it is true that once a person loses weight they usually have more self confidence to go out with someone else. Anyway, I think you are just being sensitive and you guys have a strong relationship. It's nothing so just keep it going!

Answer 6

yes I would be concerned if I were you by the sounds of it he wants you to stay overweight so you won't leave him, this doesnt really give you much respect does it, he should be worried about your health more so than your appearence. being overweight can bring on some major health issues which I am sure your well aware of, He sounds very insecure and lacks trust in you somewhat, does he think that if you stay overweight that no one else will want you?...what an idiot!regardless whether your skinny or overweight I would assume that if you wanted to leave you would ....you should tell him that and tell him to get over his chauvanistic pigheaded selfish ways!...oh yeah and by the way on your comment that he is perfect.....think again as there is no such thing as perfect!

Answer 7

he said this because it happens too many times. girls just get caught up in their new self image and have all these guys checking them out and for some it is hard to resist since you've never had this kind of attention before. he is not insecure he just doesn't want to lose you. a lot of girls who lose weight like the feeling of being single again, i mean you've got the guys checking you out and you want to go and meet them blah blah blah....he is just scared because he knows this. if you can lose weight and still be with him after and not want that 'single' feeling then go right ahead but dont think his saying was out of insecurity...he really likes you and knows that he has a good thing and does not want to lose it...get over it and be happy with who you are.

Answer 8

You freak out way to much. Don't scare him from talking off of the top of his head. He said himself "I don't know why I said it."

If HE doesn't know why he said it, why should you come up with reasons and blame him.

Maybe he has had bad experiences with skinny girls. I know I have. Maybe he thinks you might make a mistake and focus too much on superficial things with all kinds of sick attention from worthless, selfish, spoiled guys.

And he even wishes he could take it back. When you say something dumb, how would you like for him to refuse to forgive YOU for it?

He probably just wants you for you, and thinks your focus on looking thin should only be for yourself, not for a superficial relationship. I think he was saying the two of you are lucky to have each other.

Answer 9

Sounds like a joke, pure and simple. I think maybe yuo're the one feeling insecure. You seem a bit too sensitive for your own good. Cut the guy some slack. He could have said something much worse.

Answer 10

he might be a lil insecure..but i wouldn't stress it that much..And like if you change/like lose weight if you want to he should be happy for you and will love you no matter what.

My boyfriend says the same thing it's cause he's insecure but he also says he'll support me and love me no matter what.

Maybe he didn't know what to say and that's what came to his mind. I'd just let it pass and just forget about it unless it happens again..