Atheists only please. How do you deal/come to terms with a bereavement?

Question

Asking as one atheist to another.

Answer 1

same as anyone.

you grieve your loss then move forward with life.

Answer 2

I'm sometimes jealous of religious people because they have a built-in pacifier for death. I am now an Atheist and for me, death was a lot easier to handle when I believed in a "here after" because I could tell myself they were "in a better place" and if I lived right, I would see them again. But I lost my faith....actually I'm not sure I ever really had it.... at any rate; I am now an Atheist and have been for about 15 years.

In that time I have lost people very close to me; a father, grandfather, aunts, uncles, in-laws, dear pets. When my father died I had to find a way to come to grips with a way to deal with the grief without religion. What I came up with was this:

Firstly, physically, they are dead. Decomposing and returning to nature. True, I cannot take comfort in the notion that they are now in "paradise." But it is also true I don't have to worry they are being punished by god or stuck Hell. So... dead is dead. No more. No less.

Secondly, losing someone you love hurts. It hurts BAD. In fact, the more love there is between two people the more it hurts when they die. So, that pain is a symbol of how lucky we are to have had that relationship in the first place. I took comfort in the fact that I was fortunate enough to be able to miss someone soooo much. Had that person never been in my life, I wouldn't be hurting. So... though I usually am the type to avoid pain at any cost.....that is not the case with relationships. Love is worth the price of pain (why the time comes).

What is life without love and laughter?

I hope you can understand the point I am making, and I hope it helps you in some way. Many people gave good answers and mine is no better or worse because how one deals with death is such a personal matter.

I also found talking about the person to friends and family extremely helpful.

My condolences.

Answer 3

I believe in the after-life and that we do not `die` but go to another place which no-one, absolutely no-one can describe.
And it is not the `heaven` which is claimed by religious people.
Our departed ones still watch over us and are still there; we cannot see them, but they can see us because they live on a different `plane.`
I know this for a fact and I have had proof that what I say is true; there are no `gods` involved, that is just supposition because no-one can prove `god` but a lot of people can prove the spiritual existence of departed ones - and miracles do not happen because `miracles` are only in the minds of those simple-minded people who have to have a crutch to lean on and think a magical `god` will save them, and so on, and so on,
Just think of the `departed` as just shedding the `overcoat` they used here on earth. They are still there and sometimes appear to us in dreams or in real life.
And if there does happen to be a `god,` he/she is certainly not as the bible describes and all the happenings accredited to that `god` are only supposition, made up because they had no proof of otherwise.

Answer 4

My life partner passed away 7 years ago. Both he and I were atheists (I still am). Death of a loved one is never easy to deal with, and so the first thing to do is to recognize it's a life changing event.

Second, give yourself permission to go through a period of feeling a bit superstitious. I talked to my departed partner for a couple of years. I knew he couldn't hear me, but we had talked regularly for so long, I could imagine how he would have responded. Don't beat up on yourself for coping in the best way you can. Other people wanted to believe that he was talking to me, but that was their way of coping. I knew better.

Move at a slow pace at first. Don't toss out the deceased's belongings for at least a couple of months. But don't let it go on too long, either. If after a year, you're still not ready to give some of the dusty clothes to Goodwill, then consider having someone come in to help you.

Join a support group for those who are grieving. It's frequently beneficial, although the high level of religious belief means that there will likely be some in your group who are pretty pious.

Finally, consider what death means for you. I remind myself that none of us were disappointed with nonexistence before we were born. And although the dying process may be uncomfortable and involve a lot of grieving over missed opportunities, after death, we once again won't be disappointed with non-existence.

It may be presumptuous, but may you or the ones you are concerned about find peace and courage.

^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^

Answer 5

Its sad knowing that you will never see a certain someone again. But death is planned for. You know you will die some day. You know your loved ones will all die some day. Your loved ones know they will die some day. Sometimes it's sooner than later, and that is very sad. But they are not in pain. They are not unhappy. They have no more worries.
You just have to find a way to occupy your time to stop from being sad. If it were a spouse, or someone living in your home, you may want to find an activity outside of your home that you enjoy, to pass the time, and to keep your mind occupied with positive thoughts, and not dwelling on how sad you are without that person in your life.
Time Heals.

Answer 6

Just because I am an atheist, does not mean I have no feelings. I cry alot, and I write in my diary how much I miss the person, and I write down all the good things I remember about the person. Write down special times that we had together (like the special places that they took me to), and if I have anything of theirs (like a special cup they used) I put it on display and refuse to let anyone use it again.

Answer 7

bereavement is "suffering the loss of a loved one". As an atheist I can do that... but I don't "hope they are in a better place"

Answer 8

While I miss that I will no longer be able to interact with the dead individual, I remember that I am able to relive my memories of them any time I wish. Everything dies, it's a natural part of life, why not just accept it as such and move on. I know that if my wife, whom I've been with for over 37 years, dies before me, I will certainly grieve the closeness that we have shared and that I will never be able to relive it, but my memories of her love for me and mine for her, as well as all the shared experiences will still be mine. And it will probably take quite some time before the grief subsides that I can enjoy those memories on my own.

Answer 9

I cry about it and then I try to move on as best I can, its never an easy thing to deal with no matter what your religious affiliation, but I have to accept the fact that I will someday soon be where they are- six feet under
death is a reality of life, no one wants to think about it, we just accept it as an inevitability

Answer 10

I am an atheist. I remember the dead by how they lived their lives. If I focus on the way they touched me and others when they lived, it becomes easier for me to say goodbye.

It also serves as a reminder for me to live my life so that I too can be remembered fondly when it will be my turn to die. There are worse things than dying. One of them is a failure to live life while you have it.

Answer 11

The only thing I can tell you is to take it as it comes. I don't believe in any form of an 'afterlife', although I've never entirely dismissed the idea of a soul. (But I mostly have.) All we can do is carry on, and try to live the best that we can. And maybe donate to or work for a charity that our loved one appreciated.