My husband left me for another woman. My mother in law knew about his plans and never told me anything, until?

Question

lately. She's a very manipulative person. I don't trust her at all.Once, I told her that if I have to move out of the place my husband and I shared, since he's gone, I'll drop off all his stuff at her home. I never told her when. I really don't want to talk to her, or the rest of his family. I don't have anything against to them, but I don't really think I have to be in contact with them anymore. Today, I receive a phone call from my sister in law asking me if I needed help to move my soon to be ex husband's things to their mother's place today. I never mentioned when I'll do it. I still have to get money, find a place, etc. I feel like my mother in law is tryng to control me, or at least monitor my movements. I don't think I really need to talk to them anymore. The only tie that I have to them was my husband and with him gone, I don't want anything to do with them. I have a child, not my husband's that my mother in law says that she loves. My child doesn't care about. Any suggestion?

Answer 1

Not to be mean, but of course she wouldn't tell you about his plans. She's his mother. Not yours, HIS. She may or may not have agreed with his decision, but she recognized that it was ultimately his decision.

Now I'm not saying that the is innocent in any way. But what is your question here? Is she trying to get time to see the child?

In any case, you're right. You owe these people nothing. You have no reason to maintain contact with this woman. Your life is your life. Live it how you want to. If she wants her son's stuff so badly, she can come get it herself. He left you, not the other way around.
And what do you trust about what she may say to your child when your former mother in law is alone with them? A heads up- if she cares as much about this child as she says she does, she may be trying to weedle her way in to get custody or visitation rights.
My suggestion is to cut your losses and say goodbye to them all. Even the ones you may be on good terms with. You don't have to be friends with every good person you meet. Its a cold truth, but sometimes its just better to cut the ties.
Good luck on your new life!

Answer 2

You should not be dealing with this. Your husband should be the one to tell her to shut up and be pleasant and polite if she wants a relationship with him, his wife, and his kids, and he should tell her if she doesn't straighten up there will be no more visits or holiday plans. This never should have gone this far. He is the real problem, not her. And yes, I've had to deal with this. This is what my husband did, and it solved the problem. She threw a fit at first and tried being nasty again, so we didn't see her for an entire year, just sent her cards on the holiday and her birthday. She figured it out, and now she's the sweetest little thing you ever saw and we all enjoy each other's company when we get together.

Answer 3

Well the only thing she was trying to do was procert her son,but i'm sure she gave him the third degree,it is ashame that family has to be like that not much of a mother-in-law i would say,and for the rest of the family if you got along with them i wouldn't punish them for his stupidity at least your sister-in-law was nice enough to ask you if u needed help,i wouldn't move his stuff to his mother's i would set it outside,and then tell him he can come and pick it up himself.Just tell her to mind her own business and stay the **** out of yours.Tell her she can come and pick her son's stuff up!Just shut your door and don't answer for her then your controlling her!!!!Be Good

Answer 4

If you don't have any children with your husband, then you are correct that you can sever ties with his family and not need to talk with them anymore. (Assuming, of course, that there's no hope for reuniting, and there will definitely be a divorce in the future.)

As far as your mother in law not telling you about your husband's plans to leave for another woman...well, I hate to say it, but your husband is her son. Its not terribly surprising that she'd protect him - as awful as what he did is, for centuries mothers have been protecting their sons who have done even worse stuff.

Her loyalty obviously lies with your husband (which isn't a surprise, since he's her son). Just cut ties with these people as soon as possible and never look back. If your mother in law is as manipulative as you say, your child from the previous relationship will be better off without her in the long run anyhow.

Answer 5

Screen your phone calls, don't answer their knocks on the door, go the other direction if you see them on the street. What you do with your life now has nothing to do with them. Why are they even interested? If you had had a child with your ex, then ok, I could see their involvement...but they need to get their noses back out of your business. Most of the time a polite "No thank you" works. If not, let them know how uncomfortable it makes you feel being around them.

Answer 6

You should pack up his stuff and put it on the doorstep for him to pick up. You shouldn't have to be dealing with his family or calling any of them. Your relationship with them has ended. They are just being busy bodys. The only person you should call is your soon to be ex..give him so much time to get his stuff ..if he doesn't pick it up take it too goodwill. I would also suggest changing the locks so he doesn't have access to the home any longer. Move on and don't look back.

Answer 7

U're better off alone believe me. Life's too short, u'll b fine without 'em. My mum hd the same prob wit my grandma & u cnt imagine wat she hd to go through. So u better show her tht u're a strong woman & dnt depend on her son or anyone of her family. Concerning ur child, i think only u cn knw wats gud for her or him. It's gonna b hard bt time heals everything...b patient. Soz to say tht bt it seems tht ur mother in law has & will never accept u. U'll keep suffering, i wuldnt want to go this way if i were u. I'll rather b alone, nw thts me. So think twice..Better u move on. Nw only u cn do tht.. I dnt knw if this help. Hope things get better for u & ur child. GOODLUCK.

Answer 8

I'd pack up all his stuff in industrial trash bags... I'd add some stinky garbage, just to be spiteful... and wait until garbage collection day, set it out at the curb, then call and tell them to come get it before the garbage man cometh! I'd take everything of value that can be sold or bartered because you have a dtr to consider, and lawyer fees to pay. Of course I'm a spiteful b*tch, and you don't have to follow that advice.... that's just what I'd do. As far as your child goes, eventually dad is going to get visitation... see if you can get supervised visits. Get caller ID and don't take calls from his family!

Answer 9

You told them that you would drop the stuff off at her house, and now you’re upset that they called and asked if you need help doing it (which I think was kind of a nice offer)? I fail to see how that could be considered ‘controlling’ or ‘monitoring your movements’.

If you don't want to drop it off, tell them that you've changed your mind/don't have time to do it and they can come and pick it up on such-and-such day at such-and-such time.

Once his stuff is out of your house, they'll have no further reason to contact you, right? So, if I were you, I'd be anxious to get his stuff out.

Answer 10

Pack up all his stuff and call her back and set up a day for her to get it. Just because your not ready to move you dont need to hang on to his stuff any longer. Just try to find somewhere to move to. You dont want to be moving in winter,and some places dont want tenants moving in the winter months.