My fiance and I are getting married next year. The place we are going to have it is in the Carribean. It is going to be a destination wedding. The resort is also adults only. This wouldn't be a problem except my Fiance's sister has a toddler. Of course I want her there and to be a part of it (children are allowed on the property for weddings and receptions only) but she would have to stay somewhere else for sleeping/staying accommodations because of the baby.
A part of me says to just completely change the whole wedding (and even consider having it local so we don't worry about the wedding just for his sister), and the other part of me says "But, it is OUR wedding and it is OUR dream to have it here..."
I think I would be upset with myself if I let her baby change our entire wedding dream but I couldn't bear for her to feel left out.
This is the ONLY child that needs to be considered out of our entire guest list but my Fiance' is close to his sister and I don't want to upset her.
2007-08-26 15:59:48 · 24 answers · asked by Peppy Lover Gal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
To answer some things that have come up.
1) NO, the hotel will NOT make a special accommodation for the toddler except for the day of the wedding. This is an exclusive adults-only resort and they won't make any exceptions.
2) Yes, it is my FIANCE's dream to have it here. I wanted it somewhere else but he tells me every day he couldn't see it anywhere else so I'm giving him his dream *this IS where we got engaged!!!
3) The closest family friendly resort is down the beach and that would work great except if 50 out of 53 people are at my resort and she cannot bring the baby on our property any other day except the wedding, this makes a difference. This exclusive resort we are having it at is super inclusive too so everyone staying with us will have all their food and beverage paid for.
Thanks!
2007-08-27 07:51:34 · update #1
Sounds like alot of people here don't have children and don't realize how difficult and expensive child care is. Especially since I'm assuming that your fiance's (and his sister's family) are going to be in the Carribean with you - so there goes the possibility of the family helping to take care of your future sister-in-law's child. Unless, of course, her husband's family can watch the little tike....
Don't change your plans for one person - if this is your and your fiance's dream wedding then go for it.
But do everything that you can to find your sister-in-law a place to stay that's near the resort you are staying at. One that can accomodate children, possibly one that has suites (easier to deal with a toddler's early bedtime if you can put him/her in another room to sleep), and check to see if they can provide a well referenced babysitter (many resorts do have babysitters available for their guests).
Once you have the info together - it should only take a couple of phone calls - then go to your (future) sister-in-law and share what you've found out. Maybe some of your fiance's other family members will agree to stay at the same resort as her so that she doesn't feel totally left out.
It may seem like a lot of hoops to jump through for one person - but imagine how it might feel to be left out of everything just because you have a child, believe me - it would stink! When your s-i-l sees the thought that you have put into trying to accomodate her - it may provide her with the push she needs to find some other solution so that she can join you and her brother at the wedding without having to worry about having her toddler in tow or it may just be a huge relief to her to know that you care so much. Either way you come out looking really great in her's and her family's eyes - always a good place to be, where your fiance's family is concerned.
Congrats and good luck! Best wishes for a wonderful wedding that all of your and your fiance's families can enjoy!
2007-08-26 18:24:56 · answer #1 · answered by Mirage 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, would her staying somewhere else close by be such a big deal? It's your wedding, and if this is the dream wedding for you and your fiance', then go ahead. It would be classy and kind, however, to make sure that his sister has superb alternative arrangements. Other guests may not want to stay at this place, either, so you might be looking at alternative arrangements for several people.
On the other hand, she may decide, on her own, to make a vacation of it and not even bring the toddler. You'd feel a little silly changing your wedding plans to include the toddler, only to have her mom decide to leave her at home with a babysitter, after all.
Stop dithering and sit down and TALK to her about it. You seem to be kind and considerate, and that will come through when you discuss the problem Have information on alternative arrangements handy for her, so that she know this isn't some sneaky, underhanded way to exclude her from the festivities.
2007-08-26 18:05:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you really loved him you probably would never have left him there, you wouldn't have doubts that strong in love. And when you say you didn't make him drink you left him at the alter he is obviously depressed and drinking away his public humiliation. And as for his sister not letting you two be in contact, if he wanted to contact you i don't think his sister would be able to stop him from using his phone the internet stopping him from leaving the house ect. Maybe he doesn't want to talk to you right now. I don't mean to be offencive but why go through that far with marriage if you had such strong doubts. Again i really don't mean to be offencive there but here are my ideas to help you get him back. Give him a bit of time and space, but don't completely loose contact send him a text or a voice mail or an email every few days letting him know how sorry you are and how you hope he is okay and hope he will speak to you soon and just say that you need to meet up even to just talk about it and you can't just leave it like that you don't know what you were thinking and you just got scared and need to at least talk again so it doesn't just end there. And then eventually he will agree to meet up and then just pour your heart out to him and be completely honest. Tell him how you where feeling, how you feel now how and why you regret it so much ect. But you need to just ask yourself if getting back with him is what you actually want. Did you think it was a mistake to leave him there? If you could go back would you marry him? If you got the chance again would you marry him? And if not then you shouldn't try to rebuild your relationship you should just move on and let him do the same. But if yes then my second paragraph could help :)
2016-05-18 22:37:12 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her or have your fiancé do it - you are stressing over something that she may be able to offer some help in making a decision. That isn't to say that you should plan your wedding around her because it is you & your future husband's day. However, she may be more than happy to stay at a local hotel instead of the resort so that she can enjoy your wedding with you and also have her little one close by. Just explain to her the rules of the resort and that you really want her to be a part of the wedding but that you are in something of a quandry trying to decide what to do. She would hopefully understand and be more open to working with you if you bring it up with her in advance. If you don't talk to her, you run the risk of either A. Planning the wedding of your dreams and having it marred by the fact that you know (or at the very least, think) you have upset her or B. Accommodating her and having your wedding day marred because you didn't go with what you truly want. TALK TO HER!
2007-08-26 20:14:58 · answer #4 · answered by JVar 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is there a family friendly resort nearby that could accommodate all your plans? It would still in the same destination, maybe just down the beach a bit, and you'd be able to have her and the child too.
Sounds like a good compromise to me.
The other option is to get married local, but make this your honeymoon destination. If you want, since it is a dream of yours, ask to have a 'wedding blessing' ceremony at your original site.
2007-08-26 16:38:17 · answer #5 · answered by Cory C 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
See if there is a resort very close by (the place where you want to get married would most likely be able to point you in the right direction) ... they can stay there. If there are other wedding activities going on that weekend, then maybe she can come down with her favorite sitter to stay in the hotel to watch the baby while they go out to breakfast the next morning with you or something.
2007-08-26 16:05:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is there a reason why she cannot leave the child with someone in her husband's family? I mean, she's not leaving him permanently . . . just for a couple of days. This child probably has a grandma or an aunt on the other side of the family, one that would love to have and to spoil the toddler for a couple of days.
Even if sis is not married, this child still has a father. Can she leave baby with him and his family for a couple of days?
No, don't change your plans.
Sister can bring the baby and stay somewhere nearby. Or she can leave the child with one of her hubby's relatives. She has two options. She needs to decide which one works for her and stop expecting you all to change your plans. Actually, she has three options. She can opt to remain at home with the child, and not attend the wedding. But the choice is hers.
2007-08-27 01:18:06 · answer #7 · answered by Suz123 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you and your fiancee (or maybe just him)? talk with his sister. Tell her what you have planned and ask her how she would feel if she had to stay at another resort other than where everyone else will be. See what she says. If you get an angry answer....then you will have to decide. Go with it they way you want, or altar your plans to suit the little toddler. Personally, I would not altar my plans for one (1) little toddler. Is there any possibility that she may come by herself and leave the little one with other family or a friend? You won't know until you ask. Good luck!
2007-08-26 16:13:06 · answer #8 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does it have to be at an adults only resort? Why not have it at another resort in the same area. It is his his sister. Another question for you...is it really your fiance's and your dream to have the wedding there or just yours? Men usually don't care about the place where they get married!
2007-08-26 18:08:12 · answer #9 · answered by CreoleSista 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Book your future sister and child in a near by hotel/resort. Make sure that you provide transportation for her to the wedding and reception.
Treat her and her child like they were your very own sister and family. For they will be and this could be a sour start to what could be a very nice thing.
She will understand that you have gone out of your way to make her feel welcome and wanted. Explain that to her as well that you want her there and you want your wedding to include her.
don't changer your plans as it could and most likely will create a sore spot that could turn this future marriage into a future divorce.
Best of wishes and congratz!
2007-08-26 16:11:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋