Funny bible verses?

Question

I've been watching QI and found a funny bible verse about gays not being able to wink, I was attacked by Christians following slight ammusement at this. I also found this website http://www.churchhopping.com/ten-verses-never-preached-on/ Can anyone find anything funnier than the concept of gays being unable to wink or a curse of two female bears.

The bible is hilarious in parts, I'm not mocking religion but I can't see how anyone can be a fundamental Christian. According to the bible Enoch is still alive!

Keep in mind I'm asking for funny versus not further attacks on my sense of humour... Anyway the enoch thing is here Genesis 2:15 and the other stuff about the bears is on the website 2 Kings 2:23-24 NKJV.

That is all, the gays cant wink thing will involve me watching all the QI episodes I've ever seen and its not worth it for a quick giggle, sorry.

Answer 1

"Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, as a long hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times."
Proverbs 5:18-19

"Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I said, 'I will climb the palm tree. I will take hold of its fruit stalks.' Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine and the fragrance of your breath like apples."
Song of Solomon 7:7-8

Edit: My favorite :

"And all flesh that moved on the earth perished, birds and cattle and beasts and every swarming thing that swarmed upon the earth, and all mankind; of all that was on the dry land, all in whose nostrils was the breath of the spirit of life, died. Thus He blotted out every living thing that was upon the face of the land, from man to animals to creeping things and to birds of the sky, and they were blotted out from the earth..."
Genesis 7:21-23

Answer 2

Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien living in any of your towns and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner... Deuteronomy 14:21 You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them. Ezekiel 16:17 Then Saul said, "Thus shall you say to David, 'The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king's enemies.'" 1 Samuel 18:25 I am weary of holding it in--indeed i cannot. Jeremiah 20:9

Answer 3

Maybe you should tell them QI is a British comedy show where comedians answer questions and are given "points" for creative answers. It actually sounds pretty entertaining but not a good source for reliable information.

Answer 4

Yes, you are mocking. Mocking God, mocking His Word, mocking those who believe in Him. So I can't join in with this. You obviously don't even know much about God, the Bible, nor us. It is the most intact literature by far for its age, one of the oldest, and is the most widely respected and read book in the world. And you think it's material to just make fun of? Your stupidity is astounding! This in itself should tell you how humanity has been drawn to it, and has been affected by it in ways that you wouldn't even begin to fathom. If it just so happens that the God of the Bible is Who He says He is, don't you see that you're digging your own grave, unless you do come to grips with the foolishness of this mockery?

Your mocking behavior is similar to what some embittered Arabs believe about Jews. They say they derive from pigs, being less than human. That's what the Nazi's believed about them too. These mockers are philosophical fascists. Are you? Do you feel the need to put others down (only in a humorous fashion, of course), in order to feel vindicated and/or superior? (Did you know that some of most cynical and hostile folks are comedians!) Do you believe that certain folks shouldn't have any right to influence your mind and culture due to who they are and/or what they believe? Think about it.

Making humor about others is fun, and can be really healthy for all concerned, but not at their expense and not without first having a sense of respect for those you use for your subject matter. I sense no respect here, just profound ignorance and foolishness; sad to say. It seems to me that you are more like making sport of others than poking fun, as if you were trying to shoot down a deer to satisfy some inordinate desire in you.

Wow!

Answer 5

I'm a Christian, but I remember this brief passage baffling me when I was a kid. It's from Second Kings, and I think the "he" is Elisha:

2:23: And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

24: And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Answer 6

Have you ever heard of the sphinchter muscle around the anus lacking the "wink" reflex? It's a true medical term.

Answer 7

"I hope you will put up with a little of my foolishness; but you are already doing that."

- II Corinthians 11:1

> Funny bible verses?
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Answer 8

Many asked you for the verse, which you did not supply. Could you supply the verses now, so they can be discussed?

...if I were to say scientists just placed a live man in suspended animation, many would believe this wouldn't they?

Answer 9

Religious fundamentalism often refers to a view too narrow to be accurate - I agree that I wouldn't want to be a fundamentalist Christian.

Answer 10

i don't think you fully understand what you read about. Maybe next time you read you can ask for Godly wisdom so you may be able to interpret the Bible scriptures correctly. : D