My mother-in-law is so hateful and rude. How can i tolerate her?

Question

My husband & i have been married for 7 years, & have many problems with his mother (a.k.a The Mother-in-law). Here is the short version..

My mother-in-law has 3 sons, including my husband. They are all over the age of 25, with the oldest being 35. Except for my husband, they all still live at home, with no job. Thats how she likes it. Ever since my husband and i have started dating, she hated me, & now that we are married, things are worse.

When we becamse pregnatn with our first child, she tried to talk me into getting an abortion. She didnt want ME to be the mother of her grandchildren. I refused the abortion, of course, & when our daughter was born, she told everyone that i had mental problems & should have the child taken from me! Our daughter passed away at the age of 4 months due to SIDS, & she told everyone our daughter died because i didnt love her.That was 5 yrs ago. We moved out of the state due to his job, & now have a 2 yr old boy. Continue reading the details please.

We now have a 2 year old boy that. She has come to visit once for only 6 days since he was born. She calls us every now and then, and tells us how she think i dont love, kiss, and hug my son enough. She tried to talk my husband into leaving me,

My husband dated a girl before we were married. They broke up because she cheated on him. Till this day, his ex girlfriend wants him back. My mother-in-law is encouraging this. She has let the ex move in with her, and gives her pictures of my husband, myslef, and our son.

My mother in law is always seding me new articles in the mail about being over weight and what to do about it. She sends me magazines for overweight people. I am only 124 pounds, and anything but overweight!

My husband and i have both tried to cut off comunication with her, but last time we did that, she filled a missing report on my husband just to find us.

She also made a doctors appointemnt for me to get a hysterectimy. She doesnt want me to have more granchild

I dont know what her problem is. I think she is jealous that we own our own house, and both have jobs, and are making it out on our own, while her other kids still live with her.


My husband has told her how she is making me feel, and that she needs to repect our family. She doesnt listen to him.

At first, all i tried to do was please her, but nothing i did helped. Now what do we do?

Answer 1

She is a very sick lady. You need to tell her to leave you alone and if she doesnt file a restraining order against her for harassment. I would never let any child of mine around someone like her. She has severe mental problems.
Be glad your husband is supportive, many are not.

Answer 2

She isn´t jealous because you and your husband have a job and her another children don´t. She is jealous of YOU because you made him leave her!!!

What she did (telling people that you didn´t love your baby whom died) was really, really bad and if I was you, I wouldn´t talk to her EVER again. You sound like a very nice person, because after all of that you still want to be friends with her. But, let me tell you something, you can´t make peace with her if she doesn´t want to.

Your husband, HER child, spoke to her and nothing changed. Forget completely about her. Do not return calls, buy a ID call phone so then you won´t pick up when she calls, don´t visit her and don´t accept her in your house.

She didn´t change after 7 years. Give her more 10 years and see if something changes.

Answer 3

First of all, you should cut all personal ties with that crone. She has been nothing but wicked to you, literally hateful! If your husband wants to talk to her, let him. You must be a saint to have put up with all the horrific things she's done. I'd have either ended in a mental ward with a straight jacket or hired a hit man and "offed" the piece of crap. Keep her away from your child. With everything I've read, she is capable of anything. The RED flags are everwhere!

Answer 4

Sounds a bit like my ex-mother-in-law. I finally came to realize that I was never going to please her or gain her acceptance. Once I accepted that fact and decided I wasn't going to care about what she thought of me, and I gave up on gaining her acceptance, I was much happier. What made me unhappy was all my attempts to gain her approval.

The comments are different, but the intent is the same. He's a bad son for not living near home and mama. The other sons are good because they live with mama and let her run their lives. You are, of course, to blame for his being a bad son. Anything said to hurt you and try to kill the marriage is acceptable. Does she also tell him to order you how to behave and dress??? The right word for her is vituperative, right???

My ex-husband had also dated & broken up with a girl mama wanted him to marry.

You can either mail the articles back to her, mark her mail "refused, return to sender" or put them in the round file. If you put them in the round file, you could act like you never received them.

If she makes you a doctor's appointment, either go and tell the doctor that your MIL is trying to force you to get a hysterectomy against your wishes, or you can call and cancel the appointment. If SHE makes an appointment for you, however, SHE is responsible to pay that bill.

What SHE wants is unimportant. You are a slender woman unless you're really short, which I doubt.

You could take her on the Dr. Phil show.
You could file a petition with the court to make her keep away from you.

You could just ignore all the negatives as if she'd not said anything. I found that really upset my ex-MIL. It drove her crazy when I didn't bite... I didn't get upset... I didn't even act like I'd heard her say anything. People like her HATE to be ignored. It bothers them more than anything else.

Good luck. I'll pray for you. I pray that your husband has dealt with his feelings generated by growing up under such a parent. Mine had not, and was abusive to me because he was so angry at HER. In the end, when I shut off his avenues of abuse, he left me. I hope your husband is smart and stays with you.

Answer 5

Continue to be nice to her but know that you will never measure up in her eyes. It is good that you have left the state so you don't need to deal with her often. You, your husband and your son are a family. Remember that. She is likely jealous that you have taken her son away from her. I hope your marriage is strong and you have a wonderful life. Don't let her disrupt your life.

Answer 6

My MIL was like that for the first 33 yrs that we were married. Then she died and we had peace. She was evil, wicked, mean, bad, and nasty. You can not change your MIL. Try to ignore her. Don't respond to any of her digs or anything she sends you. Don't attack her other sons. Just try not to do anything. She is having small victories over you by getting ;your goat. Just be happy that she hasn't come back to visit. (I would have been in jail for murder if my MIL had stayed for 6 days.) Don't invite her back. If she invites herself, tell her "NO." You may think your kid will be missing out on his Grandma, but my kids do not have one pleasant memory about theirs.

Answer 7

Hi,
This women sounds like a nut to me. Your husband needs to
tell her to lay off. He needs to speak to her Doctors and get
her some serious help. You should get a restraining order
against her. That way she can't be around you or your child/
children. I kind of worry about what she could do to you and the children. Seek some professional advice.

Answer 8

There is no law that says you haft to tolerate this woman . tell your husband she is his mother not yours and if he chooses to deal with her , then so be it . but not to expect you to put up with her for another min . and bye the way you could remind her that if she was the perfect mother that she thinks she is that her grown sons would be living out of her house and making it on there own as in having a job . tell her its time to let her little boys grow up and be the men they should be . as far as her hate for you . you can't change the way she feels about you . i personally would not care what she thought about me . i would just make her son happy and go on with my life as if she didn't exist .

Answer 9

omg i would be like fu bi*** n den be like were married so get ova it we luv eachother n u kant kontroll our marriage n hes grown up hes not a child anymore hes an adult not a child so get ova it were happy n as long as ur son is happy u should be happy that hes happy n as long as he luvs me u kant do nuthin bout it he kant be a mamas boy 4eva leave us alone! a good mother would let her son be happy n uve already done ur job now i have to do mine in luving him n being a good parent n i wunt u 2 be a good grandmother not a bad 1

Answer 10

ok i was gonna go answer another question and not this one, but when i saw that ur mother in law was sending u weight loss articles, i had to answer:

shes sending u weight loss ads or somethin? um...HOW RUDE! tell her u dont like wut shes doin. or.. ust "get even." find one of HER flaws and give her an article about a make over or somethin...like make up, or a tanning special, and say, " i thought u could use this."
but maybe, shes just trying to help u with ur weight.