What can i do to help these sudden insecurites?

Question

I just began my second year at college. Nowadays, i feel very insecure about my looks and personality. Over the summer, back to home, i was a pretty confident person all around. I don’t feel like myself. I feel fat and ugly. When i go out, i always notice guys wanting to talk to my friends and not me. I’ve had small insecures is like everyone and I know I’m not unattractive but i've been feeling very down lately. How can i change this

Answer 1

Stop worrying about what others think about you as the definition of who you are. It's merely one of the phases of growing up - a kind of self-absorption (paradoxically) which too many people get stuck in for most of their lives. Young guys tend to focus on girls who they think might be impressionable and available. As they are unsure of themselves too, they tend to avoid girls who seem difficult to get to know because they are shy, or are intelligent, or anything else proposing a challenge. So just focus on what interests you, be friendly without an agenda, and eventually the appropriate moths will come to the candle. You do not need others to legitimize you. Just remember, we are all made of stardust, and we are each the heirs of generations who have lived their lives bravely. All animals have their own beauty, and so do all human beings though more subtly.

Answer 2

I remember that. "fatandugly," one word, as if it is not possible to be large and also attractive. But of course we all know people who are, we just don't see it in the mirror.

The new year at school means you're meeting a lot of new people, and your self-image problems become more acute. When I was in college and knew I could not look as good as the prettiest girls walking around campus, I got down, too. Then I made friends with a really gorgeous tall, lean red-head who lived in the same housing co-op, and she told me that being figured for beautiful by most of the men is not really a blessing, but a curse. She is never let alone, but the men she likes are mostly so intimidated they don't talk to her, while the ones who do are the arrogant SOBs in pre-law and pre-med, who figure they deserve the most beautiful woman because they are going to be wealthy when they get out of school. Or the frat brothers who want to show off their personal power by having a beautiful woman on their arm.

The happiest girls are the ones who are attractive, but not startlingly so. Pretty, friendly, interesting personalities, but not so beautiful that a guy has to worry all the time who else is trying to grab her away from him, or whether she'll be wined and dined by the rich guys and never pay any attention to him.

And it really is true that personality is more important than looks, but if you are not satisfied with your personality, chances are it is mostly because you are not satisfied with your looks. You know how to be a kind, ethical, reasonably intelligent and pleasant person. You may find it hard when you are feeling down on yourself, but that just feeds on itself and you get further down. Don't go that way, even if you have to make a conscious decision to act as if you feel better than you do. It will be self-fulfilling.

So dress in a becoming way, keep clean and neat, and smile. Be friendly, pleasant, and intelligent. You will get interest from some of the best guys, though perhaps not the snob types. Would you want such a one? One who chose you just to take advantage of the difference in self-image between him and you?

Smile when you look in the mirror. You'd be amazed how much better you look. And remember that a surprisingly large number of people, both men and women, really do not care much about how someone looks. Good enough that they are not turned off is plenty.