My dad is always yelling and angry at my mother and I. Why?

Question

I asked this question before but nothing has worked, ok heres my dad in full detail. He has been smoking weed every single day since he was 17 years old hes now 55. This is a fact. A day will not pass this man doesn't smoke weed 1-2 times a day. He runs a business hes at his job all day. My mother and I do not like to take him anywhere, because he is very very obnoxious. Ever since i was a kid all hes ever done is YELL and every sentence is a curse word. Its like he has turrets syndrome. Hes always angry. Heres an example, yesterday i decided to go somewhere with my dad. On the way to my aunts house we got into a conversation about cars, from there it turned into a battle as always. He started cursing me out while the windows were down. We are in Manhattan, so you have people from all over looking at the car, looking at me. And i wanted to die! My mom and i both agree that he does this thing where he makes sure everyone is looking then he blows up on you so he has an audience. HELP ME!

I just wanna say this, my dad is a great dad. He takes great care of my mom and I. Im 20 years old, hes given me everything ive ever wanted. Its just i cant ever talk to him about anything without being cursed out yelled at anything. My mom and dad do not talk. There like cat and dog... They are like bad friends sleeping in the same bed. They dont show love or affection to each other AT ALL! They dont go out, kiss nothing. Hes a tuff *** dude. Hes not smooth, clam, romantic. What you see is what you get. Really sweet guy as a dad, but as someone to talk to in time of need its always an argument. Its to the point where he makes an argument out of NOTHING. He can make an excuse to curse and yell at us out of NOTHING, thin air! His tone of voice is always on high, with no mute button!

Answer 1

He is basically busy and under pressure.

He is also the type that feels unsecure. He feels threatened when someone disagrees with him. He feels cornered. You wrote "we got into a conversation about cars, from there it turned into a battle as always." He might have felt you knew more than him and he hated to be wronged.

You also wrote "so you have people from all over looking at the car, looking at me." He might have also wanted that. He wants the world to know he was IN THE RIGHT and HE IS STILL IN CHARGE. I think he might have felt happy when people look at you. He wants them to know you are the little kid who knows nothing while he is the father who is trying to teach you.

Just ignore him.

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. As you know, you are not the cause of the rage he is exhibiting. He is dependent on his pot and has never learned to grow up and deal without this crutch. He takes out his anger on the ones he should be showing love and concern for. It is very unfair. There is probably no way that he will listen to you when you talk. My ex-husband was like that, too. He smoked pot always and did other drugs, as well. It was like walking on egg shells whenever he was around. You never had a clue what he was thinking or when he would go off on you. He was not only impatient, rude and obnoxious, he was also physically violent. I think that the pot makes people have a different pattern of thinking; your Dad seems paranoid and blames everyone else when he falls short. No one else looks at things the way that he does. He thinks that he is showing his superiority and he is trying to control you and your Mom. It might be wise for both of you to go to counselling so you can handle this situation. You don't say whether or not your Mom is thinking about ending this relationship but, it is something that she might want to consider. No one deserves to be victimized by someone who is this unreasonable. I wish I had some words of encouragement which could help you. All I can tell you is that you don't deserve the treatment you are receiving, it is not your fault and you need to have a safe place where you can get away from this behavior. It is a shame what happens when people lean on drugs to escape from reality. Your Dad might be a good guy without the drugs but you may never know. He has been frying his brain for so many years and I am sure it has had an effect on him. If you or your Mom were able to tell your Dad how you feel, he might possibly want to change but, I didn't have that experience and I am not sure that it would work. I wish you well. You might be able to talk to a relative who would let you stay with them where you wouldn't have to live like this.

Answer 3

Im no expert but have been through the same ordeal in a way,now my father has been dead since 91 cause of cancer.I learned with parents to keep from argueing even if ya don't agree justt nod your head like they are right or agree.If yelling is your problem with it..Some people just like to hear they are right and when they think others disagree it angers them...Your dad won';t be around forever so just try this maybe it will help some while he is here...

Answer 4

His physical age is 55, his mental age is 17. The age he was when he started smoking weed. He also obviously has anger issues.
There is no affection between your Mom & your Dad probably because your mother is fed up with his immaturity.
Sounds like there may be more drugs in the picture than you are aware of too.

Answer 5

he has a low self esteem and so when he can yell and cuss at you it makes him feel like a big man. he may not even realize what he is doing. he is obviously under a lot of stress and does not know how to deal with it. as with using any drug, he has probably hit a plateau and in order for him to be a Normal functioning person he would need to smoke more and more marijuana. he needs to realize that he has a problem so that he can get into a drug cessation program. drugs alter a person's chemical balance and cause them to be a person they might not have been under other circumstances. he needs help. you are old enough to tell him that you love him and respect him but you will not stand by and let him talk to you like that and that you can come back later when he has calmed down.

Answer 6

From your question, I can tell that you're determined to help your dad. Also, it sounds like you're against using drugs which is a good thing! You didn't mention physical abuse in your question so I hope that this is not happening to your mom and/or you. If it is, then you need to seek out a safe house for your mom and yourself/siblings to get help/refuge. I am not a professional counselor, but I have a toll-free contact number that you can call where you can speak to a professional counselor free of charge and/or receive information/advice regarding your situation with your dad. Call 1-(800) A-FAMILY (232-6459). Also, I've included 2 websites that have pertinent information regarding your issues.

Answer 7

I think that if this has been going on for years and nothing has helped, the only answer is for you and your mom to get away from him. You two need to have happiness in your lives and stop worrying about everything you say or do so you don't make him angry. You can't walk around on egg shells all the time. If he would be willing to do counseling, it would be different, but otherwise, there doesn't seem to be an answer. You both shouldn't have to suffer from being embarrassed around him or be subjected to his drug-induced behavior.
Good luck to both of you.

Answer 8

Wow, he sounds miserable. Usually people like that had a traumatic event int heir past, or an overall hard life. They want others (usually the ones closest to them, friends and family) around them to feel pain or "harsh reality" like they did so they won't be alone. It's selfish, very selfish, but it's also a part of human nature that's hard for some people to control.

Also, weed is known to destroy the part of your brain that gives you judgement.. which could be playing a big part in this

Answer 9

He has a anger problem something that's happened to him in the past. Or maybe the way he was raised doesn't make it right but he needs to get to the bottom of why he acts this way. It may just seems like he is looking around to make sure someone sees him. But he definitely has a anger problem.

Answer 10

Your dad is not a great father, he is a good provider. He cares only for attention. And he is an addict. You are 20 yrs old, how about getting out on your own and fending for yourself. You can't change him, but you can change your own situation. Grow up and start your own life, instead of trying to change someone with no interest in changing.