How do you deal with a toddler who throws tantrums in public?

Question

I am at my wits end.....my toddler has been especially difficult since turning two (note: he has always been an unusually difficult baby). Lately i cannot do anything with him in public without him throwing major tantrums - screaming, crying, hitting, biting, the whole nine yards. i am a single parent so leaving him at home with a spouse is not an option - i have to go grocery shopping and he has to come along - any tips on how to deal would be very very appreciated

he gets plenty of sleep - naps from 12-2 every day with a 7;30 bedtime

Answer 1

Hi, just ignore him. Put him in the trolley and keep shopping. Thats what i do! Don't give in or pay attention to him, he just wants attention.

Don't worry what other people say or if they look at you in the shopping centre either. Some people give you a weird look as if cant you control your child!! Don't worry about them.

Answer 2

The fastest way to stop a tantrum is to ignore it. As long as she doesn't get what she wants, she'll stop as soon as she matures out of them. Don't overanalyze tantrums; all children do them some time or another and it may have nothing to do with daycare. My brother was a champion and he never went. Start by reminding her when you get any place, even if she's been there 100 times before, what the rules are about walking with you. Stay consistent for each place. If the park allows running, point that out to her so that she gets the idea that each place has rules, but the rules can be different. People look because she's loud; that's just human nature. Don't let it throw you. When she regains control, be gentle with her but don't give in about wandering off or getting a toy. In church, she should be in the nursery, not in the sanctuary where she can disturb lots of people who were hoping for quiet. If your church doesn't have a nursery, find a church that does. Take her out of restaurants and let her have the fit in the parking lot. In the mall, just get her out of the way of traffic. Sometimes leave her at home when you go out and tell her why. If she doesn't understand exactly what you're saying now, she will soon. Don't give in if she promises to be good.

Answer 3

STAY CALM!! As soon as the fit starts give him a stern warning that this will not be tolerated and if it does not stop a time out will be given. (Hitting and biting are always a time out ... they are to never be acceptable!!)
Then as hard as it may seem to do it the first time, give him a public time out. Find a wall or a corner and have him stand there for the time out. He is making the scene, therefore there must be consequences .... a minute for every year of age time starts once the crying and the fit stops. After he realizes that these actions will not be tolerated in public without an immediate consequence, it should stop.... Time outs at home for the same fits will help reinforce this idea.Try to nip the fit in butt by feeding and getting in nap time before you go shopping and bring a sippy cup for deterring those cries of "I'm thirsty !!" as you are passing the pop and juice aisles. Do not reward this behaviour. Do reward the actions you are happy with ... if you get past all the toys without a fit ... tell him how you appreciate his big boy actions. Do not make promises that you will not keep. If you say you are going to give a time out then do it. If you say you are going to buy cookies then do that too. Most importantly stick to your actions.
I have done the above for about 5 years with my two girls ( 5 and 8 now) and all I have to say when they start to act out is " do I need to find a wall?"

Answer 4

I have 4 kids and my now 9 year old was bad! I would put her nose in the corner no matter where we were and if for some reason I couldn't I would ignore her no matter what anyone said or did and I would finish my shopping. If it's really bad, pick them up, leave everything in the store and take them home to time-out, explain that they can't go to the store, which is a fun thing to do, if they throw tantrums. Be consistant about ignoring it and/or timeouts for the behavior and it will stop. Also, when your child is doing well or stops the behavior be complimentary and tell them "You've stopped your tantrum, that means you can go shopping now", if they start again, tell them too bad we have to go back to time out. Also, anytime you make a threat to discipline, never give in and always follow through so they know you mean business. In which case this means you have to make sure the thing your taking away or disciplining them with is something you can follow through with. Does that make sense? Hope so....good luck!

Answer 5

Its about you changing your reaction to him doing this they work us out at a very early age like 2 days old +, he knows your concerned about what people think so there's the first thing to change believe in your head you are the only 2 there that gets rid of the blushes and sweats, try to distract him before the tantrums begin by making your journey to the shops a game, like i spy or how many cats or dogs or red cars you see on the way, once in the shops make him part of the experience let him help choose the grocerys I know they would throw all sorts in a simple way to solve this is to give a choice shall we have this or that he still feels like he's making the big decision so he's happy, hope you find this helpfull, I have 5 your right its a nightmare.

Answer 6

It sounds like you need to address the cause of the behavior, which from what you have stated sounds like he is not getting enough rest. He needs at least one nap a day of about 2 hours and and early bedtime, no later than 8pm. I think too many people forget how important sleep is to babies and young children and then we wonder why the child is throwing a tantrum in public and is typically a difficult child to deal with. If he's not getting enough sleep, he's brain isn't getting the "food" it needs to function and he cannot think clearly when over tired to the point of exhaustion, hence the melt down. Make sure he's getting enough rest during the day and sleep at night and I guarantee you, you will see a different child. Good luck. Be firm, be consistent.

Answer 7

Every time he has a tantrum you MUST remove him from the situation. At home you have to give him time outs in a time out chair. It is your wits versus his...you have to show him that you will win every time.

Regarding going out for errands...If you are a single parent, then there must be a caregiver when you are at work. If you have to, get enough food/etc at the market before you pick him up to go home. Don't stay in a grocery store with him longer than 15 minutes at a time.

Take him for very small outings while he is this way.

Be very firm with him when you do go out and let him know before you go that you will leave the store the moment he tosses a fit.

He knows he is doing it and he knows you will respond. Simply pick him up and remove him from the store, or wherever. No smiling. No laughing. No reaction. You must mean business.

When he begins to behave properly, then you may lighten up a bit and give him hugs and kisses for being such a good boy. I promise he will soon begin to act "normally" and you will feel much relief.

The good news...you won't have this problem very much longer.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

Sometimes it works to ignore the tantrum, they will realize that it doesn't get the attention they wanted. But if he is hitting and biting, that needs to be adressed. You could swat his butt, but if you don't believe in spanking I would grab his hands firmly, look in his eyes and say "We do NOT hit/bite". Also, when I do my grocery shopping I take a bag of crackers with me and she will be quiet the whole time because it takes them awhile to eat them if they are full sized crackers. Just ignore the haters. My friend (also a mother) was in a store and saw a little kid throwing a fit....another shopper was glaring at her and an old lady looked at the hater and said "you obviously don't have kids honey". Most people in public places should understand how toddlers act sometimes, and if certain people (who probably aren't parents) give you dirty looks, they'll end up eating crow after they have kids of their own. :) Good luck!

Answer 9

Hi! I know how you feel. Before I leave the house, I let my three- year old daughter pick a snack to put into a baggie and take with her to the store. She thinks it is really fun, so this helps her stay in a good mood. She also likes to take a little sports bottle with water / ice in it. So, when we get to the store, she just sits in the cart and eats her snack while I do my shopping. If it gets really bad, you may have to resort to just ignoring him. I have done that before too. I just stand there while they scream and kick on the floor. People stare, which I hate. Haven't they seen a kid having a fit before? Anyway, after awhile they realize that they are getting nowhere by doing that and they quit. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Just ignore him, if it doesn't get them what they want or any attention they will stop. Of course you can only do this if they stop on their own in a reasonable amount of time. And this isn't an instant fix, it may take awhile for him to figure out it isn't getting him what he wants.

Remember humans are best trained with INTERMITTENT rewards, that's why we gamble but will quickly tire of a game that we always win or always loose. So everytime the tantrum does get him what he wants that makes it worth it to him even if the other 20 times it gets him nothing.

Answer 11

My daughter was the exact same way.. if she throws a fit in the store she doesnt get anything while we are there (no treats..nothing) At home she gets time out.. i put her in the corner for as many mintues as she is old.. time doesnt start until she stops crying.. (she is 4 now), she gets toys taken away, she gets put down for a nap (no tv on or anything) It has helped in the long run..she is more behaved now then she was before...it may or may not work.. but good luck and i hope things get better!