I need some help and advice please?

Question

Ok...I am still very upset over a breakup, and its been over a year. He broke up with me to be with someone else. SOmeone who had his child before we met. She was a one night stand and he was ashamed, but I helped him thru so much. He was depressed and suicidal. He actually threatened suicide to me. Then when he finally came to terms with all that was bothering him, he acted like he never knew me. Til this day, I still get really upset, because he has moved on without a moment of remorse. I fell humiliated, used ,and the suicide aspect of it I think is what gets to me the most. I have told him off and then felt bad about it. I wish I never met him....I really do. I was happy and had self confidence and thought love was real before him. Now I feel he has effected me so much, I just cant seem to get passed any of it. I hate him for what he did to me and I wanted so badly to confront him in person, but he pretty much told me to never call him again. We were together for almost 2 yrs

and I dont understand for the love of God how someone can be this cruel. Can anyone advise me on how to move on? I have seen a few doctors. I just dont know what to do anymore.

he told me he would kill himself....i told him he needed help...he said he wanted to talk to me only. if i called the police he said he would. what should i have done?

Answer 1

u sound like someone with a big heart.u need 2 stop dragging around the past.yes he used u but u r much better off without someone like that dragging u down. let the past go. there is someone out there looking 4 someone as wonderful as u r.u have 2 start loving yourself again.dont let him take the good out of u.look around there r alot of good.... men out there u need 2 find them and get your life back.u can have it all if u try.dont worry he will get whats coming 2 him someday.hope all turns out good 4 u.let me know.

Answer 2

I'm sorry you've had this experience. What he did was horrible!

I can imagine how one could develop trust issues after something like this. I can relate b/c I have some of these myself. Anyway, what I would tell a friend in your situation is that at least you found out now rather than later that he is not trustworthy and not worth your time and energy.

I think it's easier to feel stuck/hung up on a breakup when it just doesn't seem to make sense. For instance, I went through a breakup where the guy had been extremely warm and affectionate with me (PDAs, the works) ...basically up until the day of breakup...and it just didn't make any sense to me so I reviewed it in my head and and over. However, I cam to realize that sometimes life just doesn't make sense and there's not going to be any answers.

Try to be kind to yourself... do fun activities to "spoil" yourself, etc., hang out with your friends, etc. Make a list of your positive qualities. Remember: you were there for him and that shows that you are a kind and giving person so there is no reason for you to be down on yourself...really, the person who deserves your ire is him! Also you can make a list of all of the things you didn't like about him. With time it will get easier.

Answer 3

See a therapist or counselor. This is too long for you to still be obsessing and upset. It might also do some good to understand why you chose a care-taker relationship with an expectation that he owed you something in return. That sounds like codependence, which is a learned thing that can be unlearned. Sorry that this was so tough on you, but it's time for you to do something constructive about how you feel.

Answer 4

This guy sounds like a piece of work, and it's sad that you got sucked into his drama.

What's a good way to get over a break-up? Well, dating someone else to forget about him is usually a *bad* idea. Personally, I think the best thing for you to do is 'find' yourself. Don't think of yourself as one half of a person. You are an individual with thoughts and wants of your own- Is there any hobby that interests you? Think of all the freedom you have now that you aren't being someone's doormat.

Answer 5

He stepped up to the plate and chose to assume the role of father, which is as it should be.

You helped him when he was low. That, too, is as is should be.

Sometimes relationships are only for a season. The season for this relationship has ended.

Respect his request (for no contact) and his decision. Do not contact him again.

Mourn your loss. Sometimes a concrete ritual can help. For example, consider completing some journaling regarding this matter. Light some candles and play some soft music. Burn the journal paper in the candlelight. Gather some of the ashes and toss them into the wind (literally).

Focus your efforts on improving yourself, on fortifying your current relationships, and on developing new ones.

Answer 6

Buck up and move on! The guys a punk and dont deserive your time or energy! You are better then that! Dont give him the pleasure of knowing he hurt yo so bad.

Answer 7

You need to move on honey. It seems like he wasn't worth your time, because if it was the problems would be solved.

Answer 8

My advice is....
if you would be done with all this, just accept it.