Help.. my daughter is going to get trouble?

Question

I just found out that my daughter is going down hill fast... She moved out 3 months ago (she's 19) She started smoking.. OK not bad but then she started smoking pot, I'm not sure how often but the person who told me said it's all the time. She quit her job, is getting kicked out of her apartment because she can't pay rent, she owes over $1000, she's over drawn on credit cards and at the bank. She doesn't eat and has gone from 120 (5' 7") and is now down to 101 lbs. She looks awful...but she thinks she looks great. How can I help her? She wants to move back home and says she is going to change. Can she change? Any one have any success stories and or ideas on how her dad and I can help.

Answer 1

her story sounds like my story... I left home at 18, I started with drugs and alcohol and petty crime.. I realized I was headed nowhere and called my parents...I was allowed to move back home and I did straighten my life out... that was almost 30 years ago.. now I am a productive member of society with a family of my own... let her come home.. set strong boundaries and be supportive

Answer 2

Tell her she can move back home ONLY if she gets into rehab and successfully completes it.

Whether it is drug treatment or anorexia treatment, or whatever it is that is the problem.

Please do not let her move back home until you see her successfully complete a treatment showing you she wants to clean up her act. Once she has done that, get her debt counselling.

It is going to be a tough road. Be tough for her.

Letting her back before she has done some counselling is asking for trouble.

Once she moves back home, let her know what the conditions are. Put it in writing even, so she knows you mean business and the first time she messses up you have got to ensure there are tough consequences. Otherwise she will continue downhill.

Good luck - this is going to be tough by the sounds of it.

Answer 3

If she is doing these things it means she is not ready to be on her own. Help her, she has to move back in. Tell her no smoking! And she better start working her *** off. When you lay down the law she will do the right things and understand that she has to work for a lot of things it won't just come to her, she needs to understand that. Tell her there will be punishment in life more than just being grounded or spanked or time outs the will be consequences that are not fixable. So before she can move out she has prove that she is ready to be on her own. f she won't act like an adult treat her like a child. Punish her with spanking,(a lot of parents do it to teens), timeouts grounding everything it takes.

Answer 4

She hasn't hit rock bottom, yet. You can't help, she won't listen. I didn't at that age.
Time will tell. Is she a Scorpio? Born between Oct. 23 -Nov.22? If so, Good Luck. We are a very headstrong lot. Don't be demanding.
And please, don't give her that line, "As long as you're living in our house, you'll do what we say," because she'll be gone before the sun sets.
Before she moves back home sit down with her and talk to her not as your child, but as a young adult. Think back, remember yourself at that age, remember what drove up up the wall, Don't let History repeat itself with your daughter.

Answer 5

You need to ask this of yourself. Did she have all these problems while at home? If not give her a chance, maybe moving out was to much for her at the time. If she changed in the short amount of time she has been gone, she can definitely change again. Yes she is an adult, but as a parent you should stand behind her if you are able to.

Answer 6

Wow, okay. Just dont yell at her. Be kinda and accepting...I personally have an eating disorder. Sad to say (im trying to fix it but i still have bad days) aNd its the most awkward awful thing if it comes up in convorsation...So im not sure what you should do about that. And about the money stuff....dont go and give her money and stuff...she needs to sort this out on her own finacially..of course it would be the sensable thing just to pay off the credit cards or soemting and cutt them up but anywho. If she says shes going to change....that might happen . really. Though..did she say that while she was sober? my mom says shes going to change. but thats when shes got 6 coolers and a bottle of wine in the fridge and some pot fo rthe rollin in the cupboard. Just BE NICE. thats all i can say

Answer 7

Have you spoken with her yet? All this came from a friend or your daughter?

If she wants to move back home that is great, I'm sure she could have found another place to share or live/crash at, but she is choosing you.

Yes speak with her, ask her what she wants from you and in turn you and your husband tell her what will be expected from her.

Answer 8

It's up to your daughter to change....

but it's YOUR home and you have rights to enforce rules... so if you disapprove of her recent behaviors then let her know you won't tolerate them in your home.

insist she works and do not pay off her bills... otherwise, you are enabling her to continue smoking pot, being unemployed and lazy.

expect her to help you around the house too...

pay rent to you even!!! give her X amount of time to get a job.

don't be easy on her.... a little struggling isn't going to hurt her. in fact, it may be the most helpful thing for her.

you are giving her shelter and a place to hang her hat. don't let her take advantage of you.

thats the best "help" you can give her.

Answer 9

Get in writing the steps she's going totake to make a change and have her sign it like a contract. If she's anorexic, she needs therapy. If she's doing drugs, she needs therapy. She needs to disassociate with the people she was hanging out with.
Anyway, let her name the things she will do as a condition of coming back home. Saying "I promise to change" is not enough by itself. Good luck.

Answer 10

Rehab before she is allowed in your house. When rehab is over she needs a job immediately. Occupy her time toward constructive ends. If she fights any of this she has not hit bottom yet, dont be an enabler.