Short history: a good friend of mine from high school is dating the LAST boyfriend I had before meeting my fiance. She met this guy through me when I was dating him. When she asked my opinion of him before they began dating, I told her the truth: he's really not the greatest guy and has pulled some shady moves.
Another detail: the wedding invite was sent to her parents (good friends of my fam) and it said: Mr. and Mrs. ### and Family. Does that mean the daughter comes and brings a date?
So, to some it up: Friend decides that it is okay to bring my ex to my wedding, who wasn't invited and who she knows that I don't particularly care for. And the wedding is about 8 hours from where he lives, so he would be traveling to come.
Anyone else sympathize with me??? I could care less about this guy but I don't exactly want to see his face when I'm walking down the aisle!
Side note: This really has been the only thing to go wrong while planning my wedding so I consider myself blessed!
2007-08-26 11:06:14 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I agree with Ipsy. Just tell her that you don't really want him to attend. It's tacky of her to be bringing an uninvited guest to start with let alone your ex. Make sure that you also speak to the parents and relay that any other children are also not supposed to be bringing friends and/or dates to the wedding. This is not a come all banquet this is your wedding and you are entitled to just have those folks you want in attendance.
2007-08-26 11:27:02 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not only are you justified in being offended that he is your ex but also that she is inviting someone as her date. If you wanted everyone to bring a date you would have write Mr. and Mrs. X, Miss X and guest.
Technically if the person is over the age of 18 they should receive a separate invitation, this way you can clarify if they are allowed to bring a guest or not. Nevertheless, if you did not do this for cost or paper saving reasons you can easily remedy this.
You stated that they are friends of your family- have your family mention that the invitation was extended ONLY to their family- no guests. Of course there are many diplomatic ways of saying that.
If that doesn't work, speak to your friend. State that you would love to have her at the wedding but you would appreciate it if she did not bring your ex. If she is a good friend she should understand that this is you and your fiance's day.
Lastly if you want to make the wedding more enjoyable for her as she will not be bringing a date, you could put someone else her own age at the table. This doesn't have to be done as she will be with her family but if possible it might smooth things over.
Just remember, you shouldn't feel obligated to invite anyone and consequently you should not feel obligated to allow people to come if they are not invited.
Best of luck
2007-08-26 11:30:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grieving is one thing. Putting it all over Facebook is quite another! Of course you're upset; your ex was a huge part of your life at a certain point. And it's a pity your current boyfriend doesn't seem to "get" that. However, statements like "you'll always be in my heart" while true in one sense, are also very ambiguous in another, especially if your current guy has any insecurity issues about your relationship. What can you do (besides deleting that Facebook stuff)? Do your grieving when your boyfriend isn't around (you're not together 24/ 7, are you?). Grieve with other people who knew -- and loved your ex, like family members (yours or his), friends, school mates. Go to grief counseling (it exists) if you feel overwhelmed. Don't use the excuse for not being able to take time away from your boyfriend because you "live in a house together". Unless you're agoraphobic there are lots of places you (or he) can go to find alone time.
2016-05-18 21:13:56 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's awkward! Unless you and your ex-boyfriend are still good friends, I think that your other friend was out of line to invite him. (Also, the wording of the invitation suggests that she should have asked, rather than assumed, whether bringing a date was ok.)
You should talk to your friend and let her know that having your ex-boyfriend at your wedding makes you uncomfortable. I would like to think that she would understand that, but since she invited him without asking you first, she may be a little clueless about these things.
Exes should only be at weddings if they're still good friends. Otherwwise, it's just kind of weird. (my two cents!)
2007-08-26 11:17:49 · answer #4 · answered by SE 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would be offended too! It's your wedding, your day and nothing should take away how special that is. You don't want to dread looking out into a sea of faces and look at a guy you used to care about.You should let your friend know it's really not the best time for her to try to have a date with an ex boyfriend at your wedding. It's rude tacky and inconsiderate.
2007-08-26 11:12:00 · answer #5 · answered by Bee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She probably thought because you are getting married, and only have eyes for your husband that your ex boyfriend wouldn't bother you. It's rude - she should have asked if it was ok and not uncomfortable for you. Perhaps you could explain that you would rather not have an ex at your wedding (obvious reasons) and it would make you uncomfortable - which you don't want to be on your wedding day - even explain that for the sake of your future husband (imagine how he would feel having an ex of yours at his wedding). Or you could take this chance to look fabulous and happy and very unavailable in front of your ex. Ultimately though if you are getting married, ex boyfriends no matter how much they have hurt you should not affect you at all
Congrats and Good Luck!
2007-08-26 19:13:18 · answer #6 · answered by Roxy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Usually I would say tell her to not bring him. But in this case, you let the door wide open for her to bring a date.
Use it to your advantage. Especially since this is the only thing gone "wrong".
He is driving 8 hours. Not you paying him to attend.
He is watching you go to another guy. He missed out on you it seems. Let him watch what he lost.
If all in all, don't remember he is there. Your wedding day shouldn't be spent on being upset that he is there. Act as if he isn't present. Which most likely, I bet you will forget he is even there as you are having fun.
She doesn't seem like a honest friend. Seems like a shady one to me to date him and then expect you to let him attend such eventful events, knowing how you don't like him. So, I would on a second note, re think the friendship between you two.
2007-08-26 11:29:05 · answer #7 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I totally understand you. I'm getting married June 2008 and RESPECT is what I care for most. On top of that, it does say family and friends and I'm quite sure you don't consider him as a friend. Why would he want to come anyway? Thats just shady of him and her. I know my ex and I are like the best of friends but he said he'll never see me get married to someone else b/c we were once engaged. It's all about respect of one's feelings. She suck! Its your day and you shouldn't have it ruined by something like this.
Good luck girl. Maybe you should just tell her not to come altogether. It might be easier.
2007-08-26 15:01:53 · answer #8 · answered by 2 Legit 2 Quit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she's an adult, you really should have mailed her a separate invitation, and if you were watching your guest list, not invite her with a guest. I would probably call her and explain exactly how you feel, which isn't exactly out of the ordinary:
"Hey Betty this is Sally, I'm really excited that you're going to be at my wedding, but your mom just told me that you were thinking of bringing Steve...I know that you two are dating, but I would really feel uncomfortable if he were there...I know I'm putting you in an awkward position but I'd rather he not come"
2007-08-26 12:56:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes I would be offended
however I would be the bigger person and not let that bother me because obviously you have moved on to bigger and better things.
but I would let her have it (you know a piece of my tongue)
she should have known better but some people just don't have morals there is like this unwritten rule never date someone your best friend or family has already dated but I guess that she did not get that memo.
you go and have a beautiful wedding, have the time of your life and let them Joule over you.
2007-08-26 11:32:01 · answer #10 · answered by fancy4not 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋