Does anyone have this problem.?? Im in need of parenting advise.. Please?

Question

Ok let me explain the situation and tell me what you think..
Me and my fiance are bringing up my 3 kids ages 4,6 & 7, Well before he came into my kids and my life 3 yrs ago, I admit i was having a hard time with the kids listening to everything i said, but it seemed like when we were together they listened.. Like they did need a man in their life, And they love him to death!!
Here is the problem, When the kids dont listen, and im talking really dont listen and act awful we put them in a time out in a chair or put them in their room if they are screaming at the top of their lungs and my family ( my mother and my grandmother mainly) They think its the worst thing and get mad and flip out on me.. They think i should just take it easy on them.. They always say " There Just Kids, Let them act like it " But they are not around them all the time either..
Right now were all fighting, How can i get them to understand our point about disipline?
Its not like we slap them or anything...

Answer 1

Tell them that they are your kids, that you expect them to behave so that they can learn self control and that you do not want children who won't listen and disrupt and will cause more problems later on in life. Tell them that you love them, you love them seeing the kids but that they can not be forcing their opinions on you. You have to be firm, you are an adult and a very capable mother. You do not need this stress. You children also hear this and will play it against you and know they can get away with it with Grandma. Put your foot down before it gets out of control.

Answer 2

Grandparents are that way, and they are just plain wrong. Would they like the kids to have even worse behavior? If you ignore the way they're acting now (like g-ma wants) it will only get worse.

I know I'm not in the majority (or maybe I am), but for little boys who are not listening, throwing temper tantrums, I'd give one warning and then I'd whack their bare bottom with a sturdy wooden spoon. You wouldn't have to do this forever, just until they start paying attention.

Time out: the kids' time out does not start until the child is quiet and starts over every time he makes any kind of noise. Time out has not been successful unless the child is repentant at the end and has learned something. Time out is for any misbehavior at all. Swatting is the ultimate threat.

You and your fiancee have to be on the same page about how to discipline the children, because if he doesn't and you do, the kids will be confused as to what they're supposed to do.

Raising their voices is against the rules. Arguing with Mom or Dad is against the rules. Both earn you a 1 way ticket to time out.

I had a fairly well behaved daughter, but my son had ADD and is bipolar. This is the discipline plan we used with him. He's 17 and great now.

I forgot to tell you that the kids need lots of positive reinforcement, preferably not food. Like a gold star and 10 gold stars earn you a matchbox car. 20 gold stars earns the right to go to the park with Daddy. You see what I mean.

Much luck, sweetheart. Do not fight with the kids. They are children. Children are not allowed to argue with Mom or Dad. And never fight with fiancee in front of the children. Discontinue a fight until later, or go to the bedroom.

Answer 3

Children really do need discipline and you are doing the right thing by using time out- time in their room- taking away special toys and so on. You dont have to spank but all u r doing is something they need in their lives desperately! Dont listen to your mother and grandmother- they r spoilong them because its their grand children. Did they let u get away with it when u were growing up? God no! Explain to them its the way its going to be! The kids know this will cause an argument between you and them so they play it for them! They know it will work! Once u keep doing it they will see its not going to work no matter how much grandma yells at u!!!! Your doing great! Good luck to u!

Answer 4

Start taking things away, something that they really like, such as money or toys. And stick to what you say!!! As a nanny this is a problem I run into all the time. You and your partner also need to be on the same page discipline wise. The same punishments for the same infractions, and have to be consistent!
Children act out in order to get your attention. Don't give it to them when they act in an inappropriate manner. Put the time out chair in a safe place away from all activity. Outside on the porch as worked effectively for one child in the middle of the kitchen worked for another. But try never to yell. Calmly, after an appropriate time, go in and talk about the problem. Be (physically) on their level, i.e. sit down or squat so that you are eye to eye. If they resume their misbehavior, leave the room.
When you start a new way of discipline it will be exhausting both emotionally and physically. But it will be worth it but it won't happen overnight.
Most importantly you and your partner must be consistent!!!!!
Nanny 911 has been a great help to me!

Answer 5

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. You said (if I understand correctly) that when your children are really misbehaving, or completely ignoring you when you speak to them, they are given a time out. That is exactly what you are supposed to do!

You didn't mention how long the time out lasts for. Here, there are two schools of thought.

1. Give the child one minute of time out for each year of age. So your 7 year old would get 7 minutes in time out.

or

2. If they hurt someone or broke something intentionally, and it is more severe, they can sit in time out until they are willing to apologize for their actions. Be certain you are clear with them up front exactly what you expect from them: who they need to apologize to, and why.

If you are following the above guidelines, then you're likely going to have to ignore your family's complaints. You are doing a great job raising your children! Sometimes relatives think they know best, but as you said, you are with them 24-7 and have a better understanding of what they need for discipline. Also, you should remind them to never tell you how to discipline your children in front of the children. This will undermine your authority. Hopefully they aren't doing that, but if they are, be firm about that part, at least.

Best wishes.

Answer 6

Tell them that disciplining is what works for you and your family. Or you could tell them, "Thank you, I will consider it" or "thank you for your concern." Then you can go about what you feel is appropriate discipline for your kids. I don't think I would mention to your family anymore about what disciplining you're doing. If they ask, just tell them that you have it under control and everything's good. You're the parents of the kids. Time outs are a good thing, for both you and your children. Otherwise they would learn to get away with everything and that actions don't have consequences (which is what a lot of kids these days don't know), and you would go crazy with rude and unruly kids.

Answer 7

How long do u put the kids in time out for? For the 4 years old.. I would put him/her in time out for 4 minutes, 6 year old- 6 minutes (basically whatever the age, is the amount of time they are in time out). Then go into their room or their time out chair and talk to them about why they entered the time out spot. If this doesn't work add another 2 minutes. Usually works for me.
If you want to explain yourself to your family, tell them that it is the only way that you don't loose control and then they begin to listen.
If you can... when ur family is around, try taking them outside to run out their energy and this way you don't look so awful in your families eyes.

Answer 8

I think time out is good, 1 minute for there age, if there 5- 5minutes ans so on. I'm a Grandparent and its hard to see your grand kids with any punishment BUT: we know they need it. There have been times I will just go outside or for a walk so I don't have to. Now if my kids were to beat them then yes I would butt in but not for what you are doing. Just explain you don't want them to grow up to be brats, spoiled is OK brats NO.

Answer 9

I honestly thought you were going to say that they think you are being too easy on them. You have to establish discipline early in their life or they will walk all over you... and you aren't doing anything unreasonable. Don't argue or fight with them. Tell them that everyone has their own opinion and things always seem easier from the outside... but these are your children and you are not being unreasonable. When they decide that they can deal with that, then you'll talk.

Answer 10

It's not the end of the world if you only get to talk to him every other day. It could be much worse. Until you leave THEIR house, follow THEIR rules. You're young. Don't wanna be a downer but the reality is, regardless of how mature you both may be, or how in love you are. Teenage love barely lasts. Even adult love most of the time doesn't.