How do I tell my new Chinese roommate that his Lip-smacking while eating is distracting and rude?

Question

I have a new roommate that is Chinese. He just moved in this past week and his lip-smacking while eating is distracting. I was on the other side of the apartment and thought he was eating carrots when in fact he was eating soup. From what I can tell (Google/Yahoo searches), it seems to be a cultural thing. If he were american I would feel comfortable telling him that he eats like a horse, but since this is a cultural thing I don't know how to tell him.

So what is the best way to tell him to eat quieter?

Answer 1

You might find that kindness and humor go a long way in changing this breach of etiquette. If indeed it is a cultural thing and he's done this all of his life, it may be a difficult habit for him to break. I've had dinner in many Chinese restaurants where the same thing occurs but it's about 50-50.

No matter which it is, bad manners or a cultural thing, you can try getting your point across to him by having a conversation such as this over lunch or dinner; You know, (name), it's really interesting when you have the opportunity to get to know someone from an entirely different culture than your own. In so many ways we're very similar, but I'd bet the cultural differences are pretty hard on you at times! (Wait for the answer and if it's yes......) Smile and tell him you know what he means! Yeah, take for instance the ideas people have about us that aren't true at all. You must face that too! (He'll relate to that, for sure and when he does...) You know, I once roomed with a guy from Korea and every time he'd finish eating he would let out a pretty large burp/belch! At first I thought it was pretty rude of him to do that without excusing himself but then he told me that in his culture, it's polite to do that when you've eaten a good/satisfactory meal! After he told me that, we'd just laugh every time he did it. It was pretty funny. Do the Chinese have a similar way of enjoying their food? (Allow him to explain this to you and then...) Wow, I never knew that! In this country people would think it very rude to eat in that way. Geeze, don't be surprised if someone looks at you funny while you're out in a restaurant...they're sure not used to that! (If he should ask if it bothers you, think about it for a few seconds before answering him and...) You know, I never realized it but I guess it does because I'm just not used to it. But you know what they say, when in Rome do as the Romans do! I'll remember that if I ever get to China! Keep it light and judgment free and you'll probably have a person who may just very willing to make this adjustment! Good luck.

Answer 2

Offer to take him out for a meal - something cheap and communal, like pizza. When you get there, though, explain to him that like most countries, Americans observe certain codes of etiquette while eating. In Indonesia it is extremely offensive to use the left hand to eat; in parts of the middle east, showing the soles of one's feet (even with shoes on) while eating would be extremely rude. Tell him that you will coach him through the niceties of American dining etiquette to avoid future embarrassment when eating in public. He should pick up that this would include eating in the presence of any Westerner and he should adjust his habits accordingly. If not it will open the way for you to make gentle reminders.

Answer 3

This is a tough one. I totally understand how irritating that can be. I can't stand hearing someone eat. It is distracting and rude, just like you said.

Knowing me, I would have a hard time NOT saying something to him. I would say something nicely, at first, using a little bit of humor, like: "Are you ok? Or is something wrong with your bottom lip? It keeps flopping against the top lip and making sounds. I'm wondering if you have a problem controlling your lips." Then, I'd laugh & leave him wondering if I was joking or serious.

If I had to bring it up a second time, I would say:
"look. You didn't seem to get the hint earlier this week. What I need to tell you is that your eating etiquette needs improvement. I care about you and I'm afraid that if I don't teach you how to eat properly, so you don't annoy people, some jerk is going to get so irritated at you, you might get punched in the face. I just want to protect you from someone who isn't going to be as patient with you as I am."

His brain will become mush. While he is in a state of not being sure what's going on........ start giving him lessons of how to chew. That should do it. Good luck.

Answer 4

For Chinese cultural, slurping soup represents that the person enjoys it.

If you're close to him, then tell him in a casual manner to keep it down. If you ain't, then tell him politely and explain why you think its distracting.

Hope it'll help.

Answer 5

Since he is in 'your' country, the onus is on him to obey your cultural codes. In your country (and according to all western values, as far as I know), eating noisily is very ill-mannered and he ought to be thankful if you inform him of this. However, he may not be making those noises as a matter of his culture i.e. uncouth people over here smack their lips and slurp etc. when they eat and they wouldn't know cluture if it hit them in the mouth. In this case, your roommate may respond poorly to any suggestion that he's out of order.
Nevertheless, I think you're right to ask him to stop since he's the 'foreigner'. I'd suggest that you try a polite, 'I don't mean to be offensive but I thought you might benefit from knowing that making those sorts of noises when you eat is considered most impolite in this country'? If he responds doubtfully, you have the chance to air your own opinion on the matter e.g. 'Well, to be honest, I find it...(whatever)'.
I do recommend you try this before it gets too much under your skin though because stuff like this can blow up into an explosion of rage! This might seem okay to some but, you never know, he might be a kung-fu expert and have to teach you another lesson in foreign culture!

Answer 6

If you are living in the US you have every reason to gently inform your roomie that smacking is considered rude and extremely irritating in this country. You may also tell him that it will turn other people off in public, and that it is safer to inform him privately, than by finding out the hard way of some stupid drunken lout that may hurt him.

Answer 7

I have never heard of a Chinese person smacking his/her lips while eating, but if I were you I would talk to him casually during a meal. Say something like, "Hey, ____ (his name), I understand that you're used to smacking your lips, but it kind of bugs." Don't say anything about his habit having to do with him being Chinese, just say it like that. And a smile wouldn't do any harm.

Answer 8

Start a conversation about how there are different customs in different countries. Maybe tell a story about when you were growing up. Ease into the subject. He will be grateful that you spared him embarrassment in public.

Answer 9

It is not a cultural thing. I know some ignorant Americans (I am American) that do it too. It is just the lack of parents not teaching manners. When he makes the noise say, "That must be pretty good judging from the sounds you are making". Maybe he will get he clue if you eat together and you don't do it.

Answer 10

Tape record him. Actually people are pretty intelligent and if you explain to him that it is a cultural thing here to be quiet while eating he may not be offended. Let him know you want him to feel comfortable and that you are going to teach him our ways and then he can teach you his. Be friendly and be friends. Mmm